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| I love friends that help remind you of things you need to remember & know... this was one of those for me. |
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
you are amazing
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
thoughts on fervent prayer [part 1]
Prayer is something as a child I thought was really simply a way to Thank God for things you already knew he knew and a way to ask for things you wanted. I didn't understand prayer to be something that was communication on the level it was meant to be with my Lord and Savior, until the last few years. Mom & Dad would use a cliche statement "Pray about it honey." My parents never prayed with me outside of the dinner table. I was never shown how to carry out a request for prayer, I was just told to do it. I didn't know what that really looked like or felt like. I never felt that my prayer life brought peace. It was very routine, and God felt very distant. I still prayed, but I didn't comprehend the benefit of it.
My prayer life has changed. Dramatically since last year, specifically September 2012 when I joined a Woman's Bible Study Group. At the end of our weekly lesson, we would go around the room asking for prayer. This was an all new experience for me as the only way I knew of group praying was in a "church" setting. Each week at the next lesson, the gals would followup on the prayer requests for the week before and inquire if any had been answered, if things had changed, was the prayer request still on the list, were there any others to add to the list, etc. We had opportunities to Thank God for answered prayers and to cry harder for things that brought further grief and a desire for more fervent prayer. Many times the prayer requests were emailed out so people could pray during the week and not forget the details of these requests. At the end of the lesson, sometimes we would even close the time in prayer and the prayer requests would be mentioned then. I had never experienced any of this before.
Believe me when I say it felt strange at first. I wasn't used to sharing my prayer life with other people, people I didn't know outside of a Woman's Bible Study Group. I wasn't used to sharing prayer requests either, specific requests. Sure, the big stuff everyone knows is going on in your life and that are horrific enough that they know you are facing a challenge is okay, people "know these things". But not the things that might be bothering you in your life, maybe even something you couldn't quite put your finger on, maybe something of concern to you, or things that you felt were beyond your control or wisdom to know how to handle, maybe even small things of importance to you in my personal life but really not when you look at the big picture but still troubling, irritating, frustrating...but enough to bother someone else enough to ask them to add it to their prayer list??? No, not a chance.
I wasn't used to people following up on my prayer requests, getting back in touch with me to let me know they prayed for me, taking the time to send me an email with the prayer request, or a text message with the prayer they prayed on my behalf. I truly didn't feel that important. I didn't feel my concerns needed to be brought to the attention of others and I didn't believe in my heart of hearts that they really would pray for me. I was used to the pat on the should in passing and a statement "I will pray for you".
During my Woman's Bible Study Course, the date got set for my surgery. Everyone knew it was a big day for me, not just because of my concerns with anesthesiology, not just because of the impact surgery was potentially to have on my health, but the fact insurance was not going to cover my surgery. This was a HUGE deal for me. I was facing some great fears and I needed prayers, desperately. I requested prayers from the ladies in my Bible Study Group, and one lady asked if before I left, if I would mind, if they actually could pray with me...for me...over me. I wasn't sure what to expect, but believe me, by now, I was all in. I wanted prayer. I had seen the difference prayer had made in my life in a few short weeks. What did I have to loose to do this too? They all stood around me and prayed with me, putting their hands on my back, my shoulders, my arm. They wanted me to know they cared, they were connected, they were in touch with my pain. Multiple people prayed over me before I left that day.
In the midst of all this, I met with someone to share in some strategic business planning and this guy, never having met me before, before I left asked how he could pray for me. I shared my impending surgery and he asked if he could pray with me before I left. I was blown away. There really were people out there who took prayer to a level I wasn't familiar with.
I then made myself vulnerable and emailed all my close friends asking them to fervently pray for me. I shared why I was afraid and that I needed their prayers. I never received response beyond "I will pray for you"...but neither did I expect them to be able to do what others had done for me. They didn't understand prayer on this level.
Regardless, the results of all these prayers are one of the reasons I believe my surgery was such a success. I had prayer warriors all over praying for me!!!
In December 2012, I had lunch one day with one of the ladies of my Bible Study Group and her husband at Olive Garden. They frequent this place and knew the waiter by name and her story. When they asked her how her day was going, she burst into tears. She had been serving a table of about 20 senior couples and they were making her job really hard. My friends husband, took initiative right then and said "Look me in the eyes, I am not going to close my eyes and neither are you but I am going to pray for you. You with me?" She nodded. He prayed. He prayed for her to be freed from this burden, for her to feel and know God's love for her, he prayed that these people out to bring harm would stop, that she would get assistance from other coworkers to finish out this shift so she could manage her tables, he prayed that God would still bless her with tips, he prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for at least 4 minutes or so.
I was in shock. I have never seen someone truly care so much about someone to actually quickly, passionately, emphatically pray with someone.
My heart knew that my prayer life had more work to do. I wanted to be like that! I wanted to impact peoples lives and share in their hurt, their pain, their difficulties, their trials. I wanted to encourage. I wanted to support. I wanted to show I cared. Because I do!
My prayer life has changed. Dramatically since last year, specifically September 2012 when I joined a Woman's Bible Study Group. At the end of our weekly lesson, we would go around the room asking for prayer. This was an all new experience for me as the only way I knew of group praying was in a "church" setting. Each week at the next lesson, the gals would followup on the prayer requests for the week before and inquire if any had been answered, if things had changed, was the prayer request still on the list, were there any others to add to the list, etc. We had opportunities to Thank God for answered prayers and to cry harder for things that brought further grief and a desire for more fervent prayer. Many times the prayer requests were emailed out so people could pray during the week and not forget the details of these requests. At the end of the lesson, sometimes we would even close the time in prayer and the prayer requests would be mentioned then. I had never experienced any of this before.
Believe me when I say it felt strange at first. I wasn't used to sharing my prayer life with other people, people I didn't know outside of a Woman's Bible Study Group. I wasn't used to sharing prayer requests either, specific requests. Sure, the big stuff everyone knows is going on in your life and that are horrific enough that they know you are facing a challenge is okay, people "know these things". But not the things that might be bothering you in your life, maybe even something you couldn't quite put your finger on, maybe something of concern to you, or things that you felt were beyond your control or wisdom to know how to handle, maybe even small things of importance to you in my personal life but really not when you look at the big picture but still troubling, irritating, frustrating...but enough to bother someone else enough to ask them to add it to their prayer list??? No, not a chance.
I wasn't used to people following up on my prayer requests, getting back in touch with me to let me know they prayed for me, taking the time to send me an email with the prayer request, or a text message with the prayer they prayed on my behalf. I truly didn't feel that important. I didn't feel my concerns needed to be brought to the attention of others and I didn't believe in my heart of hearts that they really would pray for me. I was used to the pat on the should in passing and a statement "I will pray for you".
During my Woman's Bible Study Course, the date got set for my surgery. Everyone knew it was a big day for me, not just because of my concerns with anesthesiology, not just because of the impact surgery was potentially to have on my health, but the fact insurance was not going to cover my surgery. This was a HUGE deal for me. I was facing some great fears and I needed prayers, desperately. I requested prayers from the ladies in my Bible Study Group, and one lady asked if before I left, if I would mind, if they actually could pray with me...for me...over me. I wasn't sure what to expect, but believe me, by now, I was all in. I wanted prayer. I had seen the difference prayer had made in my life in a few short weeks. What did I have to loose to do this too? They all stood around me and prayed with me, putting their hands on my back, my shoulders, my arm. They wanted me to know they cared, they were connected, they were in touch with my pain. Multiple people prayed over me before I left that day.
In the midst of all this, I met with someone to share in some strategic business planning and this guy, never having met me before, before I left asked how he could pray for me. I shared my impending surgery and he asked if he could pray with me before I left. I was blown away. There really were people out there who took prayer to a level I wasn't familiar with.
I then made myself vulnerable and emailed all my close friends asking them to fervently pray for me. I shared why I was afraid and that I needed their prayers. I never received response beyond "I will pray for you"...but neither did I expect them to be able to do what others had done for me. They didn't understand prayer on this level.
Regardless, the results of all these prayers are one of the reasons I believe my surgery was such a success. I had prayer warriors all over praying for me!!!
In December 2012, I had lunch one day with one of the ladies of my Bible Study Group and her husband at Olive Garden. They frequent this place and knew the waiter by name and her story. When they asked her how her day was going, she burst into tears. She had been serving a table of about 20 senior couples and they were making her job really hard. My friends husband, took initiative right then and said "Look me in the eyes, I am not going to close my eyes and neither are you but I am going to pray for you. You with me?" She nodded. He prayed. He prayed for her to be freed from this burden, for her to feel and know God's love for her, he prayed that these people out to bring harm would stop, that she would get assistance from other coworkers to finish out this shift so she could manage her tables, he prayed that God would still bless her with tips, he prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for at least 4 minutes or so.
I was in shock. I have never seen someone truly care so much about someone to actually quickly, passionately, emphatically pray with someone.
My heart knew that my prayer life had more work to do. I wanted to be like that! I wanted to impact peoples lives and share in their hurt, their pain, their difficulties, their trials. I wanted to encourage. I wanted to support. I wanted to show I cared. Because I do!
Quotes
In order to grow, there must be change. Change many times causes pain. Pain typically comes from unpleasant experiences and challenges that shake your very frame. Peace comes from accepting the pain. Faith enables you to have peace.
- Misty
- Misty
Monday, November 18, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
50 Things About Me
There is this neat thing going around Facebook...you are given a Number and then you must share facts that your FB peeps may not know about you. I think it is really cool because you get to learn things about people you love and are close to. I was given Number 8...but thought it would be fun to take this to 50. So I am doing that today on my blog. The first 8 items are what I posted on FB. Since you are a follower of my blog, you may or may not already know some of these...
1. At age 8, this is my first memory of a relationship with God and asking him to save me.
2. I graduated High School at age 15.
3. I wanted to run away from home more times then you could imagine. I finally got brave and walked out at age 20 and was told by my parents I would never be welcome back to the house and I would be dead in 2 years. I have never been back and I have lived an additional 16+ years.
4. I flew my first airline trip with John & Rhoda Stuart Otis September 1997.
5. I have had 6 [unsuccessful] dating relationships in which I have been told I: make too much money, am too independent, ask too many questions, have too high expectations, but each of these began with "I know you are the girl I am going to marry, whether you know it or not, you are for me".
6. I started my business at age 27.
7. I would love to give Danica Patrick some competition! 145.81mph was an awesome experience through NASCAR Racing Experience and I loved every minute of it!!!
8. I am writing a book [after years of being told I should I am finally getting brave to tell my story].
9. I am a fanatic about recycling. It was mandatory in California and I have continued the practice since moving to Texas. I even take clients shredding to the drop off bins around town if they don't have a shredding service.
10. I have severe Allergies and Adrenal Fatigue issues.
11. I am a workaholic.
12. I have knitting in my car and will bring it out when stuck in traffic, waiting for the train at the railroad tracks...I don't knit and drive like I used to because of the incredulous concern of my friends.
13. I have been a bridesmaid in two weddings, was asked to be in a third and I regret I wasn't.
14. I was a flower girl in my aunts wedding at age 6 and wanted to marry the ring bearer when I grew up.
15. I was required by my parents to save 50% of my income, including babysitting and any extra side jobs.
16. I have had 1.5 years of piano lessons and due to my parents budget and finance issues, I had to quit. I wish I had never quit.
17. I am the oldest child in the family.
18. My nickname by my Dad was strombolini (don't know what it means...never understood the crazy nickname). The other nickname given to me by family to ridicule me was thepalefaceone. One of my girlfriends calls me Agent Gilbert (because I am always prepared or try to be).
19. Spending time out by the pool is one o f my favorite things.
20. I strive to write thank you notes and follow up letters to every person I meet.
21. I made my first skirt all by myself at age 10.
22. I keep way too much stuff.
23. I bought my home in 2007.
24. I never went to college.
25. I love connecting with people and seeing how I can help them.
26. I am a silver girl, rarely wear gold.
27. I am a California transplant to Texas.
28. I hate cliches probably almost as passionately as I detest VIP programs.
29. I have never been to Six Flags or any like amusement park and ridden the roller coaster rides and this is on my bucket list.
30. I want to impact the world in some way and create something that generates a passive income like eBay, Facebook, Etsy, Pandora...but I haven't figured out what that is yet.
31. I want to learn to dance.
32. I don't look my age.
33. I rode the city bus to work for 2 years, paying $1.00 each way as I wasn't allowed to have a car because that was too independent and my parents wouldn't cosign or allow me to get a car.
34. I started getting an allowance in the sixth grade when I begged Mom to ask Dad for one after being ridiculed severely in school. I was given $0.25 a week. But I was happy. I could say I got an allowance!!! The increases never got more than $2.50 a week and quit when I got a job.
35. I do not like to play card games or board games. This was forced family time growing up and it brings ill feelings very quickly.
36. Every journal I have ever had I have eventually burned or trashed out of fear hence the reason I never felt I could write a book.
37. I love having guy friends as much as I love having girlfriends. They are different but equally beneficial.
38. I wrote letters every week to people growing up.
39. I have owned 4 Honda Civics, the first bought 2 years old, the last 3 bought brand new, and I wrecked the third one by rear ending someone this year in Dallas.
40. I want to skydive. This is on my bucket list.
41. My first gray hairs appeared when I was 13 years old.
42. I love to drink water.
43. I love to entertain and cook for friends, but one person, not so much.
44. Fever blisters love my lips.
45. I thrive on finding ways to succeed and do things people say can't be done.
46. I love the color red.
47. I will never be a birth mom.
48. I wish I knew what it was like to have a lovely family relationship.
49. My voicemail says Seize the Day.
50. My relationship with God means more to me than anything else in the world!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Quotes
Stop being your own worst enemy. If God loves you, why don't you love you?
You are worthy of love & acceptance.
Yes you are.
- Sandi Krakowski
You are worthy of love & acceptance.
Yes you are.
- Sandi Krakowski
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
{friendship} reflections
Some days, I get overwhelmed with my friendships.
I had lunch today with one of those people who I value, a friendship that matters deeply to me, someone that I can just be me with, who makes me feel comfortable and doesn't make me have to meet a box of approval, but to just be, live and enjoy life as it is knowing God LOVES me.
A true friend who doesn't wig out when tears fall down your face, you have no words, and are overcome with pain. As you sit there and pick at your food.
When you question why. When you struggle at finding the answers. When you know God is bigger than all of this, but somehow it still seems overwhelming.
Friendships like this that exude kindness makes it easier to bear the pain. I love and appreciate each one of you for your part in my life!
I had lunch today with one of those people who I value, a friendship that matters deeply to me, someone that I can just be me with, who makes me feel comfortable and doesn't make me have to meet a box of approval, but to just be, live and enjoy life as it is knowing God LOVES me.
A true friend who doesn't wig out when tears fall down your face, you have no words, and are overcome with pain. As you sit there and pick at your food.
When you question why. When you struggle at finding the answers. When you know God is bigger than all of this, but somehow it still seems overwhelming.
Friendships like this that exude kindness makes it easier to bear the pain. I love and appreciate each one of you for your part in my life!
Monday, November 11, 2013
time change creates chaos
Time change wrecks havoc on my being. Every year.
Every year I promise I am going to do better at the results of its impact to avoid the results. I thought I was on track for that this year. Two weeks ahead of time I tried to alter my sleep schedule. Stayed in bed a bit longer and stayed up an hour later. This should fix it, right?
Wrong. Or if it should have, it didn't.
Course, I had a conference the day after the time change. Up early. Up late. Go go go all day, talking to people, engaging conversations, meeting new people, trying to be your absolute best the entire day, thinking hard, drinking Starbucks Coffee that was at the event after being sworn off coffee for some time now (except for the occasional treat), and no rest for the go-getter.
I knew it was going to be a packed week. I was determined to make the best of it.
Take someone to the airport from the conference, rush home to catch up on 3 days of emails, return voicemails, unload the suitcase, repack, get a massage, meet a girlfriend for dinner after an impromptu invite, and dig in for a quick sleep. Back on the road early the next morning to be out of town to a clients office for full two days of work.
Worked late. As usual.
But I had thought I was doing good, I had made some "me time". I registered for a wreath making class to attend on my way home from the clients office over a month ago. However, I left the clients office 30 minutes late (surprise), got stuck in traffic (surprise again), and arrived 60 minutes late. Doing my best to catch up, I was pressed for time as I thought this fun was supposed to be over at 9pm, and that meant I had 90 minutes to complete my project. I was hustling. I did really well at moving along on my project, but alas, they didn't care if we ran over, encouraged us to shop the store during their 25% off sale and I didn't leave there till nearly 11pm...I crawled in bed at midnight.
So now we are at 5 days of a wacky schedule.
Planning to make the time change a smooth process was a fabulous idea with no practical results. And come Friday? I was dead. Exhausted. Didn't care to eat. Didn't want to work. Fever blisters all over my right lower lip and directly above on my right upper lip...you would have thought maybe I could squeeze my lips together and burst them it was that bad. I have never had a cluster of so many in one spot on both lips, directly above each other. I didn't feel stressed, which usually is what generates these for me...what was this from? How could I have so many of these so quickly?
How about trying to be superwoman and keep a schedule with very little sleep and a complete schedule thrown to the wind? How about having adrenals that just can't keep up? How about no stamina to stay up late anymore? How about hormones that are still trying to get on a routine?
Ugh. Why do I do this to myself? This I must figure out.
Every year I promise I am going to do better at the results of its impact to avoid the results. I thought I was on track for that this year. Two weeks ahead of time I tried to alter my sleep schedule. Stayed in bed a bit longer and stayed up an hour later. This should fix it, right?
Wrong. Or if it should have, it didn't.
Course, I had a conference the day after the time change. Up early. Up late. Go go go all day, talking to people, engaging conversations, meeting new people, trying to be your absolute best the entire day, thinking hard, drinking Starbucks Coffee that was at the event after being sworn off coffee for some time now (except for the occasional treat), and no rest for the go-getter.
I knew it was going to be a packed week. I was determined to make the best of it.
Take someone to the airport from the conference, rush home to catch up on 3 days of emails, return voicemails, unload the suitcase, repack, get a massage, meet a girlfriend for dinner after an impromptu invite, and dig in for a quick sleep. Back on the road early the next morning to be out of town to a clients office for full two days of work.
Worked late. As usual.
But I had thought I was doing good, I had made some "me time". I registered for a wreath making class to attend on my way home from the clients office over a month ago. However, I left the clients office 30 minutes late (surprise), got stuck in traffic (surprise again), and arrived 60 minutes late. Doing my best to catch up, I was pressed for time as I thought this fun was supposed to be over at 9pm, and that meant I had 90 minutes to complete my project. I was hustling. I did really well at moving along on my project, but alas, they didn't care if we ran over, encouraged us to shop the store during their 25% off sale and I didn't leave there till nearly 11pm...I crawled in bed at midnight.
So now we are at 5 days of a wacky schedule.
Planning to make the time change a smooth process was a fabulous idea with no practical results. And come Friday? I was dead. Exhausted. Didn't care to eat. Didn't want to work. Fever blisters all over my right lower lip and directly above on my right upper lip...you would have thought maybe I could squeeze my lips together and burst them it was that bad. I have never had a cluster of so many in one spot on both lips, directly above each other. I didn't feel stressed, which usually is what generates these for me...what was this from? How could I have so many of these so quickly?
How about trying to be superwoman and keep a schedule with very little sleep and a complete schedule thrown to the wind? How about having adrenals that just can't keep up? How about no stamina to stay up late anymore? How about hormones that are still trying to get on a routine?
Ugh. Why do I do this to myself? This I must figure out.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
{just} listen
I attended a great conference last week, heard some awesome speakers and met some incredible people. The event was similar to attending the EntreLeadership Master Series in Cancun with Dave Ramsey and his team.
I am always amazed at when you interact with people how their life shows through, in just a short little bit. When you ask them questions, you engage in conversation, you learn about them. Where they live, what they do for work, their family, their struggles, their fears, their hopes, their relationship with God. If you simply ask questions, you will learn a lot. All you have to do is just listen. I wish to share an experience I had.
The first evening of the event, you checked in, got your materials and connected with people. It was what they call a mixer. Some people would walk up to you and other times you walked up to them. I have not done the amount of networking events that I had for a few years and I found this time that it took me a little bit to get back into the groove of this and "get out of myself" and not just stick to a wall or hide in a corner. When I have a lot on my mind, am not feeling myself, or am feeling self conscious this is my natural instinct to hide. I have learned to interact with people, but I truly am an introvert in the core. People say they don't think that, but I know I have learned to engage with people, this was not my natural personality.
One of the guys that approached me, was full of life, big smile, warm and friendly to everyone in our circle. He mixed and mingled easily with everyone and seemed intent on connecting with every person at the event. None of this might have stood out to me, until I reflected back on it when we had lunch together the last day of the event.
After the last session, we had lunch together and he asked what my takeaways were from the conference and for me to share my story about how I got into being an Entrepreneur; thus we begin our conversation. As we chatted, I did what I always do and engage with people asking them about their life, starting with small talk about where they live and what they do (though I knew some of this from meeting him the first night), to what matters to them, to how God is apart of their life and what I can do to encourage and help them succeed.
It did not take long for my conversation with Fred to get deep. The guy was hurting. Deeply hurting. Behind his engaging smile and interaction with the attendees, he was dealing with a horrific emotional pain. His wife recently asked for a divorce after 21 years of marriage and 4 kids whom are his world. He absolutely still loves her. Yet he feels he has succeeded at everything in life but his marriage. He believes he put his marriage before his relationship with God. He lives with a gnawing pain in the pit of his stomach. He shared with me that he had left the conference at some point in the morning session, needing to go for a run to deal with all his thoughts and feelings that easily overwhelm him. He is frustrated as he knows his smile is fake and he doesn't know how he is going to go on and he longs for his old self to be back. Yet, through the pain he is determined to still care for his wife and take care of her even if they live separately. He is a millionaire, but this has not made him happy. He wants his wife.
In my mind, I reflected to one of the statements made by one of the speakers at the conference: "No amount of success will make up for failure in the home". This was an example of that. No wonder he needed to go for a run, it would be hard to face these reminders.
He showed me pictures of their last family picture together. He showed me a picture of her, swallowing back the emotion, trying to talk. He said "She is beautiful and means everything to me Misty." The pain was intense, raw, the loss overwhelming, the grief enormous.
I listened. Fred did not need me to tell him that he made mistakes, he knows that. He did not need me to tell him what to do now, how to live, that time will heal his hurts or any other meaningless statement. He needed me to listen. I did. In doing so, he asked me, "Misty, you have shared some heartache and grief in your own life. How do you get past it?"
Wow. I hadn't anticipated this. Me giving him advice? He has no idea the amount of pain and sorrow I have faced. I said a silent prayer, "God help me have the words to say that he see's the part you have played in my life in working through pain and how you can help him in his."
I took a deep breath and encouraged him to not be afraid of the pain. To lean into it and let it work in your heart. To not live in fear. To pray. And above all, that no matter what mistakes he has made that God still loves Him. At this point in the conversation, there were tears in his eyes. This man is maybe 10 years older than me and he could not hide his pain. His world was torn apart. I told him to have hope that his marriage can be restored.
He shook his head aggressively no, "She won't have me Misty. She no longer wants me." He shared an email he sent her to wish her Happy Birthday, a text message to let her know that he was here for her, the sorrow at her lack of response. I encouraged him to continue to reach out to her, not to give up, to still have hope, that kindness matters, and to still be loving to her even when he is hurting, this will be a testimony to her and might reach her. In the end, he might win her back, she might change her mind. I told him I never give up on second chances. God has given ALL of us second chances! I told him regardless of why things have fallen apart, what has happened, and what he did, if he allows God to give him the strength to work through this, he will work all things for good. I told him as he is aware of Romans 8:28 it doesn't state that the things will be good but that God will work them for good. He told me he had never heard it like that. He then said, "But Misty, God knows I never wanted this."
This wasn't something I knew how to respond to. He may not have wanted this, but life had produced this because of little choices on his behalf and her behalf. Marriages don't fall apart just because [yes, I am not married and I don't have any marriage advice to give, but I know all relationships take work]. Regardless, he was here now. There was no way to undo the past. So I said, "I know. There are lots of things we don't want in life."
I thanked him for opening sharing his story, in a time of immense pain, hurt and loss. I told him that I would be in prayer for him, his wife, his kids. Prayers that God will give him peace and calm the feelings in the pit of his stomach. Prayers that his marriage can be restored, prayers that the kindness he continues to show her will win her as true love cannot be ignored and kindness matters. Prayers that she would give him a second chance. Prayers that the kids are able to work through the feelings they are experiencing through this. Prayers that God will help him to be brave. Prayers that God will be with him each step of this horrible experience. He thanked me over and over for listening.
As I walked away from this time, my heart hurt for him, for his wife, for his kids. Pain is real. The effects of broken relationships affects everyone. I wondered why more of us don't just listen?
I was reminded through this experience that just when you think someone has their life together, they are warm and friendly, smiling, engaging with people, doesn't mean that it isn't a mask, hiding behind a horrific amount of pain.
It reminded me of a saying I wish I had known and believed earlier in life, you probably have seen it:
I wish I would remember this more. I know it would change how I look at people if I kept that in mind more frequently. It takes skill to learn to communicate to people that even if you don't know the details, you know that there is mess in their life that is creating pain and that you can see they are hurting without making them feel they had to share with you those details or that they are a mess. But at the same time, learning to share those details brings healing. It takes faith to believe you are not the only one fighting battles, even if your battles are unique and maybe even of more quantity than others.
It is not an accident that I met him. It is not an accident that I was there to listen and encourage him. I just pray that the short time we had together he walked away with something to help heal his hurt and pain and to be reaffirmed in the fact that God loves him in the midst of all of his pain and failures. I will probably never see him again, and when you think of touching someones life in a brief moment and making an impact, it truly makes you think about what matters. Makes me think of one of my favorite verses:
May each of us be open, willing to share our lives with others, and more importantly, may we be willing to listen and love people.
We all need to be loved.
I am always amazed at when you interact with people how their life shows through, in just a short little bit. When you ask them questions, you engage in conversation, you learn about them. Where they live, what they do for work, their family, their struggles, their fears, their hopes, their relationship with God. If you simply ask questions, you will learn a lot. All you have to do is just listen. I wish to share an experience I had.
The first evening of the event, you checked in, got your materials and connected with people. It was what they call a mixer. Some people would walk up to you and other times you walked up to them. I have not done the amount of networking events that I had for a few years and I found this time that it took me a little bit to get back into the groove of this and "get out of myself" and not just stick to a wall or hide in a corner. When I have a lot on my mind, am not feeling myself, or am feeling self conscious this is my natural instinct to hide. I have learned to interact with people, but I truly am an introvert in the core. People say they don't think that, but I know I have learned to engage with people, this was not my natural personality.
One of the guys that approached me, was full of life, big smile, warm and friendly to everyone in our circle. He mixed and mingled easily with everyone and seemed intent on connecting with every person at the event. None of this might have stood out to me, until I reflected back on it when we had lunch together the last day of the event.
After the last session, we had lunch together and he asked what my takeaways were from the conference and for me to share my story about how I got into being an Entrepreneur; thus we begin our conversation. As we chatted, I did what I always do and engage with people asking them about their life, starting with small talk about where they live and what they do (though I knew some of this from meeting him the first night), to what matters to them, to how God is apart of their life and what I can do to encourage and help them succeed.
It did not take long for my conversation with Fred to get deep. The guy was hurting. Deeply hurting. Behind his engaging smile and interaction with the attendees, he was dealing with a horrific emotional pain. His wife recently asked for a divorce after 21 years of marriage and 4 kids whom are his world. He absolutely still loves her. Yet he feels he has succeeded at everything in life but his marriage. He believes he put his marriage before his relationship with God. He lives with a gnawing pain in the pit of his stomach. He shared with me that he had left the conference at some point in the morning session, needing to go for a run to deal with all his thoughts and feelings that easily overwhelm him. He is frustrated as he knows his smile is fake and he doesn't know how he is going to go on and he longs for his old self to be back. Yet, through the pain he is determined to still care for his wife and take care of her even if they live separately. He is a millionaire, but this has not made him happy. He wants his wife.
In my mind, I reflected to one of the statements made by one of the speakers at the conference: "No amount of success will make up for failure in the home". This was an example of that. No wonder he needed to go for a run, it would be hard to face these reminders.
He showed me pictures of their last family picture together. He showed me a picture of her, swallowing back the emotion, trying to talk. He said "She is beautiful and means everything to me Misty." The pain was intense, raw, the loss overwhelming, the grief enormous.
I listened. Fred did not need me to tell him that he made mistakes, he knows that. He did not need me to tell him what to do now, how to live, that time will heal his hurts or any other meaningless statement. He needed me to listen. I did. In doing so, he asked me, "Misty, you have shared some heartache and grief in your own life. How do you get past it?"
Wow. I hadn't anticipated this. Me giving him advice? He has no idea the amount of pain and sorrow I have faced. I said a silent prayer, "God help me have the words to say that he see's the part you have played in my life in working through pain and how you can help him in his."
I took a deep breath and encouraged him to not be afraid of the pain. To lean into it and let it work in your heart. To not live in fear. To pray. And above all, that no matter what mistakes he has made that God still loves Him. At this point in the conversation, there were tears in his eyes. This man is maybe 10 years older than me and he could not hide his pain. His world was torn apart. I told him to have hope that his marriage can be restored.
He shook his head aggressively no, "She won't have me Misty. She no longer wants me." He shared an email he sent her to wish her Happy Birthday, a text message to let her know that he was here for her, the sorrow at her lack of response. I encouraged him to continue to reach out to her, not to give up, to still have hope, that kindness matters, and to still be loving to her even when he is hurting, this will be a testimony to her and might reach her. In the end, he might win her back, she might change her mind. I told him I never give up on second chances. God has given ALL of us second chances! I told him regardless of why things have fallen apart, what has happened, and what he did, if he allows God to give him the strength to work through this, he will work all things for good. I told him as he is aware of Romans 8:28 it doesn't state that the things will be good but that God will work them for good. He told me he had never heard it like that. He then said, "But Misty, God knows I never wanted this."
This wasn't something I knew how to respond to. He may not have wanted this, but life had produced this because of little choices on his behalf and her behalf. Marriages don't fall apart just because [yes, I am not married and I don't have any marriage advice to give, but I know all relationships take work]. Regardless, he was here now. There was no way to undo the past. So I said, "I know. There are lots of things we don't want in life."
I thanked him for opening sharing his story, in a time of immense pain, hurt and loss. I told him that I would be in prayer for him, his wife, his kids. Prayers that God will give him peace and calm the feelings in the pit of his stomach. Prayers that his marriage can be restored, prayers that the kindness he continues to show her will win her as true love cannot be ignored and kindness matters. Prayers that she would give him a second chance. Prayers that the kids are able to work through the feelings they are experiencing through this. Prayers that God will help him to be brave. Prayers that God will be with him each step of this horrible experience. He thanked me over and over for listening.
As I walked away from this time, my heart hurt for him, for his wife, for his kids. Pain is real. The effects of broken relationships affects everyone. I wondered why more of us don't just listen?
I was reminded through this experience that just when you think someone has their life together, they are warm and friendly, smiling, engaging with people, doesn't mean that it isn't a mask, hiding behind a horrific amount of pain.
It reminded me of a saying I wish I had known and believed earlier in life, you probably have seen it:
"Be kinder than necessary, everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
I wish I would remember this more. I know it would change how I look at people if I kept that in mind more frequently. It takes skill to learn to communicate to people that even if you don't know the details, you know that there is mess in their life that is creating pain and that you can see they are hurting without making them feel they had to share with you those details or that they are a mess. But at the same time, learning to share those details brings healing. It takes faith to believe you are not the only one fighting battles, even if your battles are unique and maybe even of more quantity than others.
It is not an accident that I met him. It is not an accident that I was there to listen and encourage him. I just pray that the short time we had together he walked away with something to help heal his hurt and pain and to be reaffirmed in the fact that God loves him in the midst of all of his pain and failures. I will probably never see him again, and when you think of touching someones life in a brief moment and making an impact, it truly makes you think about what matters. Makes me think of one of my favorite verses:
Love others well, and don't hide behind a mask; love authentically. ~ Romans 12:9, The Voice
May each of us be open, willing to share our lives with others, and more importantly, may we be willing to listen and love people.
We all need to be loved.
Quotes
We believe doing it God's way is the right way. We laugh together, cry together, but no matter what we will pray with each other.
- Jase Robertson, Duck Dynasty
- Jase Robertson, Duck Dynasty
Monday, November 4, 2013
37th Birthday
Today is my birthday! I am 37. I don't have any big birthday plans, largely because I am spending it at a conference in Dallas, from yesterday through tomorrow. My phone has blown up with text messages and Facebook messages, to the point that it was dead by 2pm, when it normally lasts two days. Of course, it didn't help I was doing a bunch of tweeting hoping to win one of the giveaway's today...but I didn't.
One of my clients is attending this conference with me...I was given this before the beginning of today's conference:
One of the people I met at this conference, Dr. Tomi Grover, was at my table at dinner. She had the whole table sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me and she made sure I got a piece of cake to eat! Love having people in my life who do little things to make me feel special.
In reflection of my year from 36 to 37, the last year has brought some amazing life changing events, some really hard, yet some really good experiences too. I have faced some things I never thought I would face. Through it all, one thing stands clear: God has been with me. My prayer life has changed significantly, in an incredible way! God has brought people into my life who I get to share my faith journey with and who have helped me learn so much more about God, his love for me and that I am good enough. God has given me some deep lessons on this courageous path. My trust and faith in Him continues to grow and I know it will grow deeper yet. He is bigger than all I will ever face and I love Him!!!
Here is to another year living with courage and leading with love!
One of my clients is attending this conference with me...I was given this before the beginning of today's conference:
 |
A special birthday delivery from a client and friend! I LOVE books and reading...thanks!!! |
In reflection of my year from 36 to 37, the last year has brought some amazing life changing events, some really hard, yet some really good experiences too. I have faced some things I never thought I would face. Through it all, one thing stands clear: God has been with me. My prayer life has changed significantly, in an incredible way! God has brought people into my life who I get to share my faith journey with and who have helped me learn so much more about God, his love for me and that I am good enough. God has given me some deep lessons on this courageous path. My trust and faith in Him continues to grow and I know it will grow deeper yet. He is bigger than all I will ever face and I love Him!!!
Here is to another year living with courage and leading with love!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Counseling Session #19
I didn't do well at my homework. I seem to be stuck.
My counselor asked me questions. What was the hardest part of writing your story? She is amazed at how I did it and stated most people can not do what I did in all aspects of remembering, writing, reading, and hearing the story. I am not surprised. I was determined to do this, even though it was one of the hardest things I have EVER done.
We discussed the reactions to my story by others. The things I still question. The need for validation and reassurance. The steps to read, acknowledge and accept my story. The steps to grieving my childhood.
Homework:
My counselor asked me questions. What was the hardest part of writing your story? She is amazed at how I did it and stated most people can not do what I did in all aspects of remembering, writing, reading, and hearing the story. I am not surprised. I was determined to do this, even though it was one of the hardest things I have EVER done.
We discussed the reactions to my story by others. The things I still question. The need for validation and reassurance. The steps to read, acknowledge and accept my story. The steps to grieving my childhood.
Homework:
- Write a review of what I got out of telling my story. [Worst Part. Best Part. What didn't I get out of it that I had hoped to? How I felt? How I relate to my family? Myself?
- Write 2 or 3 personal goals since writing my story.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Quotes
Referring to the Bible: It's a weapon of mass instruction. A love letter from Almighty God...that says I am for you!
- Jase Robertson, Duck Dynasty
- Jase Robertson, Duck Dynasty
Saturday, October 26, 2013
2nd Testimony with IAmSecondBracelet
I wrote about my I Am Second bracelet that I purchased and the 1st experience I had sharing with someone about it here. I have had some small experiences, some people who will say "I love your I Am Second bracelet" or "I love what they are about". This week, I had another big experience.
I was working at a clients office, meeting with a representative of an IPA that does their Credentialing & Contracting Services. We have had issues for several months and though I have spent gobs of time trying to get them to resolve the problems, they have been very inept at it. I asked for an onsite meeting.
We had been talking for a good 30 minutes or so and during an interval between topics, Kristine stopped me and asked me what the message was on my bracelet. I wear it with the message pointed at me. Many of these types of bands, most people wear with the message pointed out towards the fingers so the other person can read it. I wear it on my left hand with the wording directly towards me so that I can read it.
Not knowing where the conversation would go, I kept it simple. "It say's I Am Second." She said "What is that? I have never heard of it." I took a deep breath, not wanting to get all "churchy" on her, I smiled and said, "In a nutshell it is the message that God is First in my life and I am Second. They have a website with lots of testimonials at www.IAmSecond.com." She immediately said, "That is cool". Nothing more about it. So I said "Yes, it is." and said nothing more.
As things worked, the next day I got an email from IAmSecond. I forwarded it to my business email account. I then sent it to her with a simple message:
Kristine,
Here is my email today from I Am Second. Check them out at www.iamsecond.com. Let me know what you think!
Guess what? I got a response from her today:
Misty, thank you. So thoughtful of you to send this to me. I’m sure you know how rare it is to share faith with people in today’s world and in the work place in general. I know I already have more blessings then I deserve. Heaven to ground me and a family that always calls me home. At the end of the day, I just pray every day I have a life that’s good. It was a blessing to meet you. GOD’s speed. Everything else is just stuff…..Thanks again, Kris
Is she a believer? Does she love God? Does she have a relationship with him? People speak of God and blessings yet may not really understand either. I don't have to figure out if she is or isn't. My journey is to share the gospel, to encourage, to plant seeds. It is little seeds that get sown that matter. Seeds of God's Love. Seeds of his forgiveness. Seeds of his grace. Seeds of what he has done for us by redeeming us. Seeds of kindness. Seeds of faith.
My I Am Second bracelet is allowing me to do just that...share the gospel, encourage, plant seeds. I am blown away at the ways God works and the people he brings on my journey. I pray that I am a reflection and continue to pursue a life of living I Am Second.
I was working at a clients office, meeting with a representative of an IPA that does their Credentialing & Contracting Services. We have had issues for several months and though I have spent gobs of time trying to get them to resolve the problems, they have been very inept at it. I asked for an onsite meeting.
We had been talking for a good 30 minutes or so and during an interval between topics, Kristine stopped me and asked me what the message was on my bracelet. I wear it with the message pointed at me. Many of these types of bands, most people wear with the message pointed out towards the fingers so the other person can read it. I wear it on my left hand with the wording directly towards me so that I can read it.
Not knowing where the conversation would go, I kept it simple. "It say's I Am Second." She said "What is that? I have never heard of it." I took a deep breath, not wanting to get all "churchy" on her, I smiled and said, "In a nutshell it is the message that God is First in my life and I am Second. They have a website with lots of testimonials at www.IAmSecond.com." She immediately said, "That is cool". Nothing more about it. So I said "Yes, it is." and said nothing more.
As things worked, the next day I got an email from IAmSecond. I forwarded it to my business email account. I then sent it to her with a simple message:
Kristine,
Here is my email today from I Am Second. Check them out at www.iamsecond.com. Let me know what you think!
Guess what? I got a response from her today:
Misty, thank you. So thoughtful of you to send this to me. I’m sure you know how rare it is to share faith with people in today’s world and in the work place in general. I know I already have more blessings then I deserve. Heaven to ground me and a family that always calls me home. At the end of the day, I just pray every day I have a life that’s good. It was a blessing to meet you. GOD’s speed. Everything else is just stuff…..Thanks again, Kris
My I Am Second bracelet is allowing me to do just that...share the gospel, encourage, plant seeds. I am blown away at the ways God works and the people he brings on my journey. I pray that I am a reflection and continue to pursue a life of living I Am Second.
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