Dear God,
I never dreamed I would come to the day when I would sit and bare my heart like this and ask you for something, but I am.
...and I am doing so in a public forum as a declaration of my faith in you.
I know you already know. And I know you know what is best for me. But I am still going to ask. Because you state you want us to ask of you.
You see, today, exactly 20 years ago, was a hard day for me. A very, very, very hard day for me. It was a day that wrecked havoc on my world in such utter complete destroying emotional, mental and physical destruction to such a degree that I never thought I would ever remotely want a man in my world. It was a day that abuse turned into more abuse, which was a nightmare that lasted 3 1/2 years.
Until I said enough. I am done! Goodbye. And didn't look back...
But as you have lovingly worked in my heart and mind, especially the last two years of my courageous journey, you have done an amazing work in which has revealed lots of things to me about learning to love me and accepting love. In facing my fears, tearing down walls, fighting lies, searching for truth, and pushing through in faith, I have come to the place that I want this. I want this thing I never thought I would want.
So today, I request of you to help me and to provide this for me.
I want to ask you to please send me a man that you believe is the best fit for me my way. I don't want to go find him because I believe you can and will provide. I believe that I don't have to do "all the work", you can and you will. You are a loving Father who loves me more than anyone and who wants to provide every good and perfect gift for me. At the same time, if this is what you ask of me, I want to do what you ask me to do and locate him. I ask that you lead and guide me to know how to do this because its been in some ways a difficult and painful process to launch out into this dating world. But I also know that it has been a necessary process of growth in my journey. To be vulnerable and conquer these fears. Though I have grown immensely in this short time of opening myself up in such an amazing and bold authentic way, by tearing down walls built so incredibly high and thick to keep men out, by questioning everything I was ever told as the right and wrong way to date, re-evaluating the kind of man I "need/want", destroying the very foundation of lies I have believed for far too long about me and my worthiness of love and a relationship, facing the opposition from those who don't agree with what I am doing, focusing on the communication skills that I am sharpening, developing a deeper understanding of men and woman, amazed at the in depth learning I am getting about myself, the beliefs I am confirming are true and right, and the change in me that I have experienced since starting this process...I come to a place where I know what I want.
I want a man, a handsome man that loves you with his whole heart and will put you first before all else. I want a man that has gorgeous eyes, an engaging smile, strong shoulders to lean against! I want him to be taller than me [or at least my height when I am in heels] and who will hold me in his arms forever, will kiss me until the sun rises, who will teach me to dance and let me know I am the one and only in his life. I have so many characteristics of what I consider a handsome man, but I know that a heart of gold, love and compassion is the best. I want a man who will enjoy doing fun things on my bucket list that I have never had a chance to experience, completely understanding the zone I come from, not condemning me for my lack of experience or education, but teaching me every little thing I want to know, gently. I want a man who loves things I love, like sushi, dancing, music, wine and entertaining friends. I want a man that understands I have baggage but is willing to help me unpack it and heal through it because he knows he is only one of many tools that can heal that wound completely. I want a man that respects me for being the strong woman of faith I am, who doesn't see me as a threatening or intimidating personality, but as one who has strong character and who has lived a life of courage and wants to inspire him to do the same. A man that only you God know who and if I need.
I want him Lord.
But you are the God of my world and you come first! I know that just because right now I feel that this is what I want, I know deeply that I have a great life and am absolutely content and happy being single. Therefore I ask that you guide me in this.
Love Your Courageous, Generous, Loving Daughter who is LivingInTruth, Gratitude, Strength, and Faith,
courageouschic
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Quotes
The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Dating Lessons: Is talking on the phone so important?
I have been sharing with you my journey into the world of dating. Last month I wrote a bunch of posts on Dating Questions. These questions were ones that started as soon as I began the process, but I didn't write about until I felt comfortable sharing them on my blog, some time later. I spent a lot of time writing these posts and scheduled them throughout the month though they were written as I was working through them in my own heart and mind.
This month, I have decided to write posts on Dating Lessons. Sharing some things I have learned either about me, men or the dating scene itself. Please know: My lessons may not be the same as yours. My views may not be the same as yours. It's my journey and I am grateful for every aspect of it. You are welcome to agree or disagree and either way, it will be ongoing dialogue in my journey that will be perfect.
In getting to know various guys through emails, texts, phone calls and dates, I have experienced various preferences. In being accepting of these, I have found that sometimes it was hard for me to understand why certain things were a preference, but I always have approached the viewpoint that I would appreciate the interaction, endeavor to learn to understand, let the person be who they were - not trying to change them, and apply whatever I could to my own life from the relationship and interaction.
At times I ran into conflict in this.
I found myself trying to believe that what I wanted or needed wasn't important and that I needed to adapt to their way of thinking. I found myself shutting down my desires to be good enough and develop a friendship and get to know them. I found myself ignoring my viewpoint in trying to be "so accepting" of them to not cause them to think I was demanding at wanting or needing something they didn't want to give. In doing this, I found myself feeling like I didn't matter though. This hurt. As I worked through addressing why it hurt, I found that my boundary and expectation of myself was out of line. It needed adjustment.
Phone calls was one of these types of conflicts for me.
Communication via email is great! That means that you can write your thoughts out on paper and share them. A guy who can write his thoughts down and will take the time to do so shows that he is willing to put in effort where it matters.
Communication via text is also pretty awesome! It means you will take time out of your day to share some thoughts and communicate. You can keep it short and sweet or long and engaging. But in general, it is easy for most people to text in today's world. It takes little thought, little planning, little engaging, and can be done right now.
Communication via the phone is more personable! It means that I get to hear your voice. I get to see how dialogue transpires. I get to hear your passion, feeling, emotion, thoughts and manners verbally. It is a dynamic that tells a lot about you as a person. From the words you choose, the topics you talk about, the questions you ask, the way you convey everything, how you begin and end a conversation, the length of time you want to spend talking, whether you schedule the call or call out of the blue, etc. It is very revealing about you. Because you are unique and your personality will show through.
Phone Calls I have learned are a very important and dynamic part of the relationship in getting to know each other. I have decided it is not something that can be left out. It is not something I am "demanding" to have, it is a requirement of a relationship with me. I am not going to put down my feelings and deny that this is not important and just accept your response of "I just don't like to talk on the phone" as a reason to why we don't. I am going to express that I want to talk to you on the phone and if you don't make an effort to do so after hearing it is something I want to be a part of the relationship I will understand that my wants don't matter to you. But to ignore it as a need or want and give in to you, that I won't do. It is important. Very important. And I won't be in another relationship where it is sacrificed.
The reality of this came to me the last few weeks as I worked through my feelings on this and I experienced guys willing to have conversation, very long conversations, very thorough conversations and the results of that time spent in getting to know each other.
There is nothing wrong with me wanting to talk on the phone and to desire this wasn't out of line. There is nothing wrong with expressing what you want out of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with adapting to someone when it is something that can be adapted or adjusted to and doesn't compromise a feeling or need you have. There is nothing wrong with accepting someone in their zone but appreciating yours too. Relationships are give and take. They require both parties to be willing to be adaptive and adjust as necessary but have full ability to be who they are.
Talking on the phone is very important part of the dating relationship. Don't doubt yourself.
This month, I have decided to write posts on Dating Lessons. Sharing some things I have learned either about me, men or the dating scene itself. Please know: My lessons may not be the same as yours. My views may not be the same as yours. It's my journey and I am grateful for every aspect of it. You are welcome to agree or disagree and either way, it will be ongoing dialogue in my journey that will be perfect.
In getting to know various guys through emails, texts, phone calls and dates, I have experienced various preferences. In being accepting of these, I have found that sometimes it was hard for me to understand why certain things were a preference, but I always have approached the viewpoint that I would appreciate the interaction, endeavor to learn to understand, let the person be who they were - not trying to change them, and apply whatever I could to my own life from the relationship and interaction.
At times I ran into conflict in this.
I found myself trying to believe that what I wanted or needed wasn't important and that I needed to adapt to their way of thinking. I found myself shutting down my desires to be good enough and develop a friendship and get to know them. I found myself ignoring my viewpoint in trying to be "so accepting" of them to not cause them to think I was demanding at wanting or needing something they didn't want to give. In doing this, I found myself feeling like I didn't matter though. This hurt. As I worked through addressing why it hurt, I found that my boundary and expectation of myself was out of line. It needed adjustment.
Phone calls was one of these types of conflicts for me.
Communication via email is great! That means that you can write your thoughts out on paper and share them. A guy who can write his thoughts down and will take the time to do so shows that he is willing to put in effort where it matters.
Communication via text is also pretty awesome! It means you will take time out of your day to share some thoughts and communicate. You can keep it short and sweet or long and engaging. But in general, it is easy for most people to text in today's world. It takes little thought, little planning, little engaging, and can be done right now.
Communication via the phone is more personable! It means that I get to hear your voice. I get to see how dialogue transpires. I get to hear your passion, feeling, emotion, thoughts and manners verbally. It is a dynamic that tells a lot about you as a person. From the words you choose, the topics you talk about, the questions you ask, the way you convey everything, how you begin and end a conversation, the length of time you want to spend talking, whether you schedule the call or call out of the blue, etc. It is very revealing about you. Because you are unique and your personality will show through.
Phone Calls I have learned are a very important and dynamic part of the relationship in getting to know each other. I have decided it is not something that can be left out. It is not something I am "demanding" to have, it is a requirement of a relationship with me. I am not going to put down my feelings and deny that this is not important and just accept your response of "I just don't like to talk on the phone" as a reason to why we don't. I am going to express that I want to talk to you on the phone and if you don't make an effort to do so after hearing it is something I want to be a part of the relationship I will understand that my wants don't matter to you. But to ignore it as a need or want and give in to you, that I won't do. It is important. Very important. And I won't be in another relationship where it is sacrificed.
The reality of this came to me the last few weeks as I worked through my feelings on this and I experienced guys willing to have conversation, very long conversations, very thorough conversations and the results of that time spent in getting to know each other.
There is nothing wrong with me wanting to talk on the phone and to desire this wasn't out of line. There is nothing wrong with expressing what you want out of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with adapting to someone when it is something that can be adapted or adjusted to and doesn't compromise a feeling or need you have. There is nothing wrong with accepting someone in their zone but appreciating yours too. Relationships are give and take. They require both parties to be willing to be adaptive and adjust as necessary but have full ability to be who they are.
Talking on the phone is very important part of the dating relationship. Don't doubt yourself.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Quotes
To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.
- Tony Dorsett, American Football Player
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Friday, June 27, 2014
Dating Questions: How do you not become too attached?
In the world of dating, the challenge is to be open to a relationship, share, engage, connect, encourage, support, and seek to understand. However, not everyone approaches this with that aspect in mind. But if they do, your friendship will blossom. As it blossoms...you then experience a new kind of problem.
How do you do this and not become too attached?
How do you give of yourself and leave expecting nothing in return?
How do you enjoy the relationship and want to spend time together, want to communicate you are interested in getting to know them more, and yet give space?
I believe learning to do this is the art of a relationship that will last...but figuring out the balance is the tough part. The balance of not becoming too attached.
I like this quote:
I don't believe a Man should own you. You need to have energy for yourself to be able to give to the relationship. If you are too deeply attached, you won't be able to be your own person.
How did you do this when you were dating? Or if you are dating, how do you do this? What things do you believe are key components to building a great relationship?
How do you do this and not become too attached?
How do you give of yourself and leave expecting nothing in return?
How do you enjoy the relationship and want to spend time together, want to communicate you are interested in getting to know them more, and yet give space?
I believe learning to do this is the art of a relationship that will last...but figuring out the balance is the tough part. The balance of not becoming too attached.
I like this quote:
Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you. - Ali ibn abi Talib
I don't believe a Man should own you. You need to have energy for yourself to be able to give to the relationship. If you are too deeply attached, you won't be able to be your own person.
How did you do this when you were dating? Or if you are dating, how do you do this? What things do you believe are key components to building a great relationship?
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Dating Questions: How do you determine if you wanna connect?
Some of my friends have never done the dating thing as I am doing...and they are curious. How does this Online Dating thing work? I have been asked, how do you figure this out? So I will share what I do. Again, this is what I do. Doesn't make it right. Doesn't make it wrong. It's the method of how I am doing it.
I am on an app called Tinder (it's free). In your profile you setup your settings: You are a Male or Female looking for a Male or Female, age span of interest, and how many miles away. From there, the app does a search through your GPS based on your location and your settings. You swipe left for nope and right for yes to any guy that you review that comes up in the search. The way it works, you both have had to have swiped right for a yes for you to have a "Match". Once you have matched, you can chat in the app until you wish to share additional information to communicate outside of it.
I am on Christian Mingle and bought a 6 month membership, because it was the cheapest. You can send smiles, emails and ecards to anyone through the site. It doesn't release your name, phone number, or email address, this is up to you to do if and when you are ready to exchange that information.
If I am on the Tinder app or the Christian Mingle site, your initial "cover photo" must intrigue me. If you are sticking your tongue out, you have crazy hand gestures, you present a generic emblem or logo picture of a sports team as your cover photo, you only have pictures of your truck or motorcycle or your animals or even your kids but none of you and/or if this is your cover photo instead of a picture of you, there is a picture of you smoking, you are passed out on the sidewalk clearly drunk, you are with a chic that you didn't crop out of the photo (a group of people I am okay with because that means you have friends and like to have fun), you are showing off more of your body than just a shirt off, a picture of you in front of the bathroom mirror, yah all these things are an automatic swipe left (which means NOPE!!!) on Tinder and an automatic trash of the email if on Christian Mingle.
You may be a great guy, but how you present yourself is what you are going to attract and I want the best. The Absolute Best!!! I want an immensely attractive mannerly guy with characteristics that intrigue me. Deeply intrigue me to want to hang out with you. I want a handsome guy that I find draws me in. We all hopefully have a funny side to us that we can show, and maybe even some crazy moments, but if these are the photos you want to advertise to sell yourself to me through an online dating site, I think you aren't a serious person who has very much substance to be a stable prince in my world.
I want to know YOU...not your dog. Not your cat. Not your truck. Not your harley. You can show me pictures and discuss these things with me later, right now, I want to get to know you. The basics about you. If that's all you can put in your profile photos, it means to me that all this stuff means more to you than a relationship. Kinda a sign of what truly is important to you. Or that I will matter to you.
I expect you to have a favorite sports team. For reals, you might even maybe one or two or three of them!!! But again, if you can't let me see you, the real everyday you, and you can only show me a sports team that you are crazy about, it makes me think you are afraid to be real with me and that you may not have any other goals outside of being a sports fan. Believe me, nothing wrong with liking sports and being a fan of them, but who are you trying to sell me on? You or the sports team?
I want you to be a good looking handsome stud!!! Dang it, I do! But I want you to be mannerly and respectful of what you present online just as much as you want me to be too. So if you are over the top in your presentation, I could get real descriptive here and tell you some of the mess I have seen, but I think you get the point...if there is more than you being without your shirt, you get a NO.
I expect you have had girlfriends, I don't want to see you snuggled up with them. You may be divorced, but if you can't take the time to crop these people out, you haven't probably put separation in these relationships and therefore you probably have drama that I don't want to be a part of. Or you haven't created closure. Or you are running from one hot chic to another. Or something that just doesn't sit well with me.
If you have sent me an email and I respond, do you answer my questions or do you avoid them? If I tell you that I want to get to know you via email first and you insist on going out on a date before I know much about you, you don't get a response because that means you are being pushy and probably aren't into getting to know me and respecting my boundaries.
These are some of the things I do in responding to connections made through the two Online Dating sites I am on. I am not ashamed to move through this process and eliminate you. Why? Because I want the best of the best. I know I am very unique. I know my story is pretty horrific. I know its really hard to believe I have never had a boyfriend and went on my first date 03.30.2014. I know its going to take a very special guy that is gonna want to be a part of my world. I don't resent this. It means that it is going to take time to find the guy that fits this mold. It is going to take time developing a friendship with a man to see if he can work his way into my heart to be able to claim it. I am not interested in connecting with you if you don't meet some basic criteria so some of these things may seem harsh to you, but you have to start somewhere and this is step one for me. I do not give out my phone number until we have communicated and had enough conversations that make me feel comfortable doing so.
If you are doing Online Dating, how do you determine if you wanna connect?
I am on an app called Tinder (it's free). In your profile you setup your settings: You are a Male or Female looking for a Male or Female, age span of interest, and how many miles away. From there, the app does a search through your GPS based on your location and your settings. You swipe left for nope and right for yes to any guy that you review that comes up in the search. The way it works, you both have had to have swiped right for a yes for you to have a "Match". Once you have matched, you can chat in the app until you wish to share additional information to communicate outside of it.
I am on Christian Mingle and bought a 6 month membership, because it was the cheapest. You can send smiles, emails and ecards to anyone through the site. It doesn't release your name, phone number, or email address, this is up to you to do if and when you are ready to exchange that information.
If I am on the Tinder app or the Christian Mingle site, your initial "cover photo" must intrigue me. If you are sticking your tongue out, you have crazy hand gestures, you present a generic emblem or logo picture of a sports team as your cover photo, you only have pictures of your truck or motorcycle or your animals or even your kids but none of you and/or if this is your cover photo instead of a picture of you, there is a picture of you smoking, you are passed out on the sidewalk clearly drunk, you are with a chic that you didn't crop out of the photo (a group of people I am okay with because that means you have friends and like to have fun), you are showing off more of your body than just a shirt off, a picture of you in front of the bathroom mirror, yah all these things are an automatic swipe left (which means NOPE!!!) on Tinder and an automatic trash of the email if on Christian Mingle.
You may be a great guy, but how you present yourself is what you are going to attract and I want the best. The Absolute Best!!! I want an immensely attractive mannerly guy with characteristics that intrigue me. Deeply intrigue me to want to hang out with you. I want a handsome guy that I find draws me in. We all hopefully have a funny side to us that we can show, and maybe even some crazy moments, but if these are the photos you want to advertise to sell yourself to me through an online dating site, I think you aren't a serious person who has very much substance to be a stable prince in my world.
I want to know YOU...not your dog. Not your cat. Not your truck. Not your harley. You can show me pictures and discuss these things with me later, right now, I want to get to know you. The basics about you. If that's all you can put in your profile photos, it means to me that all this stuff means more to you than a relationship. Kinda a sign of what truly is important to you. Or that I will matter to you.
I expect you to have a favorite sports team. For reals, you might even maybe one or two or three of them!!! But again, if you can't let me see you, the real everyday you, and you can only show me a sports team that you are crazy about, it makes me think you are afraid to be real with me and that you may not have any other goals outside of being a sports fan. Believe me, nothing wrong with liking sports and being a fan of them, but who are you trying to sell me on? You or the sports team?
I want you to be a good looking handsome stud!!! Dang it, I do! But I want you to be mannerly and respectful of what you present online just as much as you want me to be too. So if you are over the top in your presentation, I could get real descriptive here and tell you some of the mess I have seen, but I think you get the point...if there is more than you being without your shirt, you get a NO.
I expect you have had girlfriends, I don't want to see you snuggled up with them. You may be divorced, but if you can't take the time to crop these people out, you haven't probably put separation in these relationships and therefore you probably have drama that I don't want to be a part of. Or you haven't created closure. Or you are running from one hot chic to another. Or something that just doesn't sit well with me.
If you have sent me an email and I respond, do you answer my questions or do you avoid them? If I tell you that I want to get to know you via email first and you insist on going out on a date before I know much about you, you don't get a response because that means you are being pushy and probably aren't into getting to know me and respecting my boundaries.
These are some of the things I do in responding to connections made through the two Online Dating sites I am on. I am not ashamed to move through this process and eliminate you. Why? Because I want the best of the best. I know I am very unique. I know my story is pretty horrific. I know its really hard to believe I have never had a boyfriend and went on my first date 03.30.2014. I know its going to take a very special guy that is gonna want to be a part of my world. I don't resent this. It means that it is going to take time to find the guy that fits this mold. It is going to take time developing a friendship with a man to see if he can work his way into my heart to be able to claim it. I am not interested in connecting with you if you don't meet some basic criteria so some of these things may seem harsh to you, but you have to start somewhere and this is step one for me. I do not give out my phone number until we have communicated and had enough conversations that make me feel comfortable doing so.
If you are doing Online Dating, how do you determine if you wanna connect?
Monday, June 23, 2014
Quotes
Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment.
- Stephen Covey
- Stephen Covey
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Hey Misty, are you listening to ME?
I am in California. Taking a vacation. No work. All play. All relaxation. All fun. But the vacation trip hasn't started as I wanted.
Dang. I haven't gotten it yet!!! I still am having to learn.some.really.hard.lessons.
Learn that I am perfect right now.
Learn that I am okay in my own perfectionist identity.
That for me to be a planner isn't right or wrong, its who I am and what I connect to. Just because others don't understand, don't relate, aren't as structured, doesn't make it wrong for me to be when it feeds me and makes me happy.
That I need to take care of ME and nobody else. I need to follow my heart because God isn't wrong. Ever. He is the one who is perfect and covers me in his perfection.
I arrived at the church only to realize that this isn't the one I wanted to go to. This isn't the one that the 3 friends had recommended, it was another one that someone had recommended, the one that was farthest away and had started 30 minutes ago!!! How the heck did I make this mistake??? Oh yah, I had searched for gobs of churches in my phone and though I had thought the one I wanted to go to was the last one I had searched for, it wasn't. Both of them started with "B's" which in my hurried click, I had thought was this one.
Now I wanted to cry. I was late to church and I didn't even get to participate in any worship service!!! I called Laura all bent out of shape and frustrated in the moment. She assured me that we would get me taken care of later today when she got off work and we could do an evening worship service and encouraged me just to go inside.
I listened to her because even if I turned around now and went to the other church, I would miss worship service there too. So I parked. I prayed as I walked inside asking God to help me again work through my perfectionist identity issues. To work through my detest of showing up late. To work through understanding what message he had for me today. To learn that even in this mistake, its perfectly what he wants for my journey.
By the time I sat in my seat, I had had a complete attitude adjustment and I posted on Facebook as I check in at this church:
"Not where I was planning to end up..... But guess God has a different plan for me today!!! Gonna listen and be open to the way this trip has started because he is always active and moving in my life and he shows up to amaze me!"
What message did he have for me today from that church? A couple of them:
You see, I really wanted to maximize two weekends to visit friends with a week in between. I bought this airline ticket the end of March, to keep my commitment to do a personal break once a quarter, as I continue to strive to achieve more work life balance and fulfill the quest for taking care of me. I had purchased the first flight out of the day to ensure I could maximize the day.
I got up at 4.30am yesterday to be able to get in my hour work out and be on the road by 6am. I was on the road shortly after, about 10 minutes down the road when I got a text message alert that my flight was delayed by a good 2 hours. Quick thinking through my options, I decided to return home and work on the todolist and resume the travels later instead of just chilling at the airport because I didn't want to waste the day. An hour later, I got notice my flight had been completely canceled and I had to go online to rebook. The only option open was for the last flight out at 6.15pm. I called to try to see if a Live Agent could get me on sooner, no success. Only option was to go hang at the airport and attempt to fly standby or go on the last flight. I opted for the later and used the time to work for 4 hours on client projects and then spend 2 hours poolside at my house before heading out.
I headed to the airport at 3.30pm making time to go to the bank and get gas on the way. I had just purchased a new suitcase because my last one broke back on my last Salt Lake City trip and I hadn't replaced it yet, so this was my first time to pack it and get used to organizing it. It was slightly bigger than my previous one and when I was checking it, I was 3 pounds over. I had to remove a few items or pay $35 additional, which of course would have been silly especially since bags fly free with Southwest, so I removed my cosmetic bag and jewelry and carried it in my backpack. All went smoothly through security and we boarded right on time. I was supposed to have a Stop Over in El Paso, Texas and then arrive in Sacramento by 10pm. Somehow somewhere along the way between the time that I rebooked my ticket and actually flew out, Southwest made changes to my flight and I ended up with a 2.5 hour layover in Phoenix. Problem was, I had no boarding pass and they didn't show me scheduled to be on the connecting flight to Sacramento, California. The flight attendant at the gate told me it wasn't possible for me to have arrived at Phoenix from Dallas since my boarding pass said El Paso, Texas. I am sure my look of incredulous must have been pretty intense, but I was determined to be calm. No use getting upset at her, she obviously wasn't thinking this through. I flew out of Dallas and did a stop over in El Paso and now was at Phoenix. If I did not change plans, how could I have gotten to this airport any other way??? She eventually got the picture and realized Southwest had really screwed up my reservation. It wouldn't let her put me on another flight. By this point, I was wondering what God's message was for me in all this. He knows that I had gotten up really early. He knows that arriving really late was going to put me in a zone of frustration and utter fatigue at the beginning of my trip which makes it really hard for me to recover. I was determined to remember that this was one of those No Control situations and ride it out. After a good 30 minutes, Alice had me a boarding pass and I was now to sit another 2 hours and wait for my flight. I placed my shoes on the floor, curled up on two chairs with my legs curled underneath my body, arms and head wrapped over my purse attempting to take a nap before the nausea from my adrenal fatigue made me vomit. It was hard to get any decent nap in between the announcements on the overhead speaker and the number of people around. It was funny to hear peoples comments as they walked by: "Now that's what I call tired." ... "She looks like I feel." ... "That's one way to do it." ... I didn't care...I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted.
It must have been an awful day for Southwest because the number of delayed, canceled and mishaps on flights was horrific. All the gate attendants were a bit frazzled and the passengers even more. The number of people just hanging out, confused, frustrated, and tired like me was a lot. People's phone conversations and chatting between passengers revealed that the majority of us were all in the same boat.
We finally took out of Phoenix at the time I was scheduled to arrive in Sacramento, California! I arrived to be greeted by my dear friend Laura and her daughter Rebecca that I have not seen in like 7 years!!! We quickly began conversation and discussed so much on the drive home from the airport...we continued conversation when we got home in the hallway, then in the kitchen, and then on my bed, until 3.30am (5.30amCST - my time) when we said we truly must get to sleep. We have so much to catch up on that we just couldn't wait until today. We made tentative plans for me to go with her to work so that I could have her vehicle today and discussed that I wanted to go to church.
After 4 hours of sleep, I woke up, unable to sleep more, but I laid in bed and prayed, spent some time reflecting on what God was trying to teach me already this trip, did a google search on local churches and then checked my Facebook to get caught up on some private messages and comments. I connected with two of my friends to see what their church plans were for the day. I attempted to make plans with them, but that didn't work out. I was trying to decide where I felt God calling me to go and felt connected to one place, which wasn't one of the two places recommended to me by 3 different people.
In the midst of this, I had doubts and feedback from 3 different conversations this week replaying in my head with friends who have had such bad religious experiences that they are burnt out on religion and don't want to attend church. Some don't understand why I feel the longing to be connected in this way. It's not that they are judging me or that I am judging them. We know our journey's are taking us different places and we both know that to attend church or not attend church has nothing to do with your relationship with God. Yet, the conversations weren't bringing peace to my soul as I was trying to make a plan on what I should do. [If you are one of these friends that I have had this conversation with, please do not take this as a bad thing...its a necessary part of my journey right now to find these answers for myself. I do not want you to take this as a negative, it is being used in my life for a reason in the here and now.]
I couldn't decide what to do. I was experiencing this war in my soul between listening to my heart and the input of friends. Why do I do this? Why do I feel that the input of others is so important as to what I do? Do I not trust God to lead me? Do I not believe that he will truly lead me and guide me if I put it out there for him to do so? What is holding me back? I finally made the decision that if I went where I felt called to go, I was going to be late, something I hate to do at church because the worship service is my absolutely FAVORITE part and I don't want to miss one moment of it. I then opted to go to a place that all 3 of my friends recommended. I finished getting ready and hit the road, grabbed my phone, clicked on the last church I had searched google maps for, and started down the road. I missed my exit. Now I was frustrated with myself because I was going to be late. I did what I hate that I do and started that negative self talk stuff. "See if you had made plans like you know to do, you would have been prepared and not shown up late." ... "If you had responded to one of your friends last night, you could have done church with her this morning and participated in this together." ... "If you had gone to bed at a decent hour, you wouldn't be so tired." .... and on and on.
...and then I heard my coaches voice:
Our experiences are just feedback to address what isn't working and make adjustments. These experiences are not necessarily right or wrong, they are simply what they are, just perfect in the moment. Accept them. Learn from them. Embrace the opportunity to show up now. Focus on what you want. Be you. Don't try to be someone else.
Dang. I haven't gotten it yet!!! I still am having to learn.some.really.hard.lessons.
Learn that I am perfect right now.
Learn that I am okay in my own perfectionist identity.
That for me to be a planner isn't right or wrong, its who I am and what I connect to. Just because others don't understand, don't relate, aren't as structured, doesn't make it wrong for me to be when it feeds me and makes me happy.
That I need to take care of ME and nobody else. I need to follow my heart because God isn't wrong. Ever. He is the one who is perfect and covers me in his perfection.
I arrived at the church only to realize that this isn't the one I wanted to go to. This isn't the one that the 3 friends had recommended, it was another one that someone had recommended, the one that was farthest away and had started 30 minutes ago!!! How the heck did I make this mistake??? Oh yah, I had searched for gobs of churches in my phone and though I had thought the one I wanted to go to was the last one I had searched for, it wasn't. Both of them started with "B's" which in my hurried click, I had thought was this one.
Now I wanted to cry. I was late to church and I didn't even get to participate in any worship service!!! I called Laura all bent out of shape and frustrated in the moment. She assured me that we would get me taken care of later today when she got off work and we could do an evening worship service and encouraged me just to go inside.
I listened to her because even if I turned around now and went to the other church, I would miss worship service there too. So I parked. I prayed as I walked inside asking God to help me again work through my perfectionist identity issues. To work through my detest of showing up late. To work through understanding what message he had for me today. To learn that even in this mistake, its perfectly what he wants for my journey.
By the time I sat in my seat, I had had a complete attitude adjustment and I posted on Facebook as I check in at this church:
"Not where I was planning to end up..... But guess God has a different plan for me today!!! Gonna listen and be open to the way this trip has started because he is always active and moving in my life and he shows up to amaze me!"
What message did he have for me today from that church? A couple of them:
- The heart of the people was all in and the rest is up to God! Whatever we place in the hands of God is more than enough. Then He will show you his amazing hand.
- Are you wrestling with what to give?
- Do you have that child-like faith?
- Are you all in?
- Have you hedged your bet?
- Do you think you have the corner of the market on God?
Beyond that...what other messages did he have for me today?
- You need to focus on listening to ME, Misty, not anybody or anything else. ME.
- You need to take care of YOU!
- You need to trust that I have your back.
I heard you God. I will pay attention and I will again learn from today to listen. To You. Only You.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
Dating Questions: How to just go and "have fun"?
Everyone says to just "Go and Have Fun" on dates.
This is harder than it seems it should be, especially when you come from my zone. I am sure after much longer at doing this I will figure out exactly what the "Go and Have Fun" means and exactly how to do that as each guy is different and their approach to dating varies. I must say that the longer I have done it, it has gotten easier, and I am sure the longer I continue it, it will be a skill just like other things, that you learn to do better and perfect through experience. However, since each person is different, it may always be a challenge.
My goal is to make it as natural as possible. To be able to just be comfortable being me. To not listen to any of those old voices from others who have told me what is right and wrong about dating. About how to show up in a relationship. Exactly what to say. How to dress. What to do or not do. I do my best to try to shut them off, boot them out, ignore them, but its hard when you wish you could just delete them and remove them from ever having been in your head in the first place because the foundation as to why they were "right" wasn't a foundation built on faith and trust but one of fear. I know being able to just be myself is going to be the biggest key to my success at this because anything else doesn't feel right. Yet, it is still one of the hardest things I have ever done and allowing myself to be just me, relaxed, in my true personality, enjoying the moment, sometimes is just beyond difficult. And other times, it isn't at all.
You might be saying why?
Well, it feels like if I honestly just make my purpose to "just enjoy the date" with you then I am not finding out the things I should be about you because the dating process is supposed to be an evaluation and learning process. I don't want to continue going on dates if you are not a person who has character, appropriate boundaries and like minded interests with me. Asking questions is the only way I learn those things. Right? But then if I try to find out information about you, I feel I turn it into something where I am actually interviewing you and taking mental notes and it is so much harder to make and keep fun in the mix somehow in this process! Some of the dates I have been on I have actually been able to accomplish both, and these are the ones that are truly the best!!!
Then when you are able to achieve both with someone, then you have to play "the wait and see game". It's not like I have this mission to find this man in 2014 and get married, but at the same time, just letting life happen, trying to act like you don't care and not show that it matters to you if you ever hear from them again or if you will get to see them again, that you are just cool with whatever happens is kinda hard, really hard when you want to spend time together. I am not doing this for kicks to see how many dates I can go on to find a man that wants a relationship. Promise!
I get frustrated when people say, don't rush into anything. After waiting 37 years, I promise you, I am.not.rushing.into.anything.at.all. I promise you, I want the guy that is the imperfect Mr. Right who is the perfect match for me. I want the best. The absolute best and I will not settle. I have no need to settle. I have an awesome life single and the only reason I want someone else is to take my life to another level that is more awesome than what I currently have and if its not that, its not worth it. I will find him or I will remain single. I know I am worth it and I know he is too! And I want to be the perfect match for him too. I want to blow him away. I want to be awesome on such a level that he can't live without me. If he doesn't feel I will make his life better, why would I want him to want me?
Dang. It's very tough to be dating. Trying to figure out this. Who made this so complicated anyways? Should dating be this complicated?
Some days I think staying single would be a better option. I can control my world this way and believe me its not a shabby world! I have God and really do I need anything else? Part of me says no and part of me says yes. That's where the conflict lies.
Oh dear God, please help me through this to know what you want for my life and help me to figure out what I want too! You know what is the best for me. You know what I need. You know what I need. You know who, if anyone, would be best to be that person in my life. I pray you give me answers.
How did you make the dating scene a bunch of fun? What to you makes this process more fun? Less complicated? Easy?
This is harder than it seems it should be, especially when you come from my zone. I am sure after much longer at doing this I will figure out exactly what the "Go and Have Fun" means and exactly how to do that as each guy is different and their approach to dating varies. I must say that the longer I have done it, it has gotten easier, and I am sure the longer I continue it, it will be a skill just like other things, that you learn to do better and perfect through experience. However, since each person is different, it may always be a challenge.
My goal is to make it as natural as possible. To be able to just be comfortable being me. To not listen to any of those old voices from others who have told me what is right and wrong about dating. About how to show up in a relationship. Exactly what to say. How to dress. What to do or not do. I do my best to try to shut them off, boot them out, ignore them, but its hard when you wish you could just delete them and remove them from ever having been in your head in the first place because the foundation as to why they were "right" wasn't a foundation built on faith and trust but one of fear. I know being able to just be myself is going to be the biggest key to my success at this because anything else doesn't feel right. Yet, it is still one of the hardest things I have ever done and allowing myself to be just me, relaxed, in my true personality, enjoying the moment, sometimes is just beyond difficult. And other times, it isn't at all.
You might be saying why?
Well, it feels like if I honestly just make my purpose to "just enjoy the date" with you then I am not finding out the things I should be about you because the dating process is supposed to be an evaluation and learning process. I don't want to continue going on dates if you are not a person who has character, appropriate boundaries and like minded interests with me. Asking questions is the only way I learn those things. Right? But then if I try to find out information about you, I feel I turn it into something where I am actually interviewing you and taking mental notes and it is so much harder to make and keep fun in the mix somehow in this process! Some of the dates I have been on I have actually been able to accomplish both, and these are the ones that are truly the best!!!
Then when you are able to achieve both with someone, then you have to play "the wait and see game". It's not like I have this mission to find this man in 2014 and get married, but at the same time, just letting life happen, trying to act like you don't care and not show that it matters to you if you ever hear from them again or if you will get to see them again, that you are just cool with whatever happens is kinda hard, really hard when you want to spend time together. I am not doing this for kicks to see how many dates I can go on to find a man that wants a relationship. Promise!
I get frustrated when people say, don't rush into anything. After waiting 37 years, I promise you, I am.not.rushing.into.anything.at.all. I promise you, I want the guy that is the imperfect Mr. Right who is the perfect match for me. I want the best. The absolute best and I will not settle. I have no need to settle. I have an awesome life single and the only reason I want someone else is to take my life to another level that is more awesome than what I currently have and if its not that, its not worth it. I will find him or I will remain single. I know I am worth it and I know he is too! And I want to be the perfect match for him too. I want to blow him away. I want to be awesome on such a level that he can't live without me. If he doesn't feel I will make his life better, why would I want him to want me?
Dang. It's very tough to be dating. Trying to figure out this. Who made this so complicated anyways? Should dating be this complicated?
Some days I think staying single would be a better option. I can control my world this way and believe me its not a shabby world! I have God and really do I need anything else? Part of me says no and part of me says yes. That's where the conflict lies.
Oh dear God, please help me through this to know what you want for my life and help me to figure out what I want too! You know what is the best for me. You know what I need. You know what I need. You know who, if anyone, would be best to be that person in my life. I pray you give me answers.
How did you make the dating scene a bunch of fun? What to you makes this process more fun? Less complicated? Easy?
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Quotes
You don't love a girl because of beauty. You love her because she sings a song only you can understand.
- L.J. Smith
- L.J. Smith
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
an idea for a fun date...
One of my friends posted this picture on Facebook...I think its a cute idea!
What ways would you make your dating or marriage date nights a bunch of fun???
Oh, this is the kinda fun I wanna have!!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Dating Questions: Can we be friends?
That's the question. Can we be friends?
To answer that in dating, you have to look at several aspects.
Do we have mutual interests? Do we genuinely care about each other? Can we support each other in whatever comes up? Is there mutual respect, appreciation, concern? Do we enjoy each others presence as we go about our daily lives and there is a chance to do things together? Do we want to spend time together? Do we miss each other when we are apart? Can we talk about everything as friends do? Can we share parts of our hearts as friends do? Do we want our friends to meet this new friend because we appreciate them so much?
A friend [per www.dictionary.com] means:
Some people state you have to be friends first before you can be lovers. Others state you have to have an attraction in order to date and to be "those kinds of friends".
I look at it differently. I think that every relationship is different and how it develops has its own attributes and characteristics, and so you may be friends first and then become lovers or you may be lovers first and develop into friends. If there is a deep attraction from the get go, I don't think you can say you have to back up and "be friends" first. I think that encourages you to deny your emotions which God gave you, the attraction and connection you felt for this person, as we all connect to certain people easily and with our hearts. But the fact remains, I don't see how you can progress in a [potential] marriage relationship in which you will live with someone the rest of your life if you aren't friends. True friends. Not surficial friends. Not friends of convenience. Not friends just when you are in need. True friends. A friend who is someone that is everything to you that you want them to be. Who wants to be with someone you only are romantic with? Who wants to be with someone you don't find fun to hang around except on dates nights or time spent alone in mad passionate love?
I honestly don't believe my parents were friends. They had reasons why they matched up with each other and got married, but they were not friends. They didn't have very many things they liked to do together. And the few things they did enjoy doing together, eventually died and they no longer did. They didn't enjoy, truly enjoy with no ulterior motive, just hanging out and having a good time with each other. If my parents were friends at the beginning of their marriage, it didn't last and they didn't develop the friendship deeply because of how they interacted with each other when I was older.
I absolutely don't want this kind of relationship. I would rather live alone then deal with being with someone and feeling alone, more alone because you have someone and aren't connected. I think that would be worse than just living in my own world. Someone I don't feel is on my side and supportive of me as a friend would be very sad.
I want to be with someone that I love to do absolutely everything with!!! You think I am joking? I am not. And guess what, if you don't want to be with me doing every little thing either, then I would hate for you to be obligated at a relationship with me. Life is too short for that. I am not gonna force anyone to be in my world...any more than I want you to force me to be in yours.
Don't get me wrong. I want my space too. I want you to feel free to go and have fun with your friends or alone and I want to be free to go and have fun with my friends or alone. I am not feeling I need to or have to be with you 24/7, but I sure don't want to dread being with you and if given the opportunity to join you, I would want to be with you over being alone because I want to want to be with you that much! That's what I mean.
Figuring out what being friends is in a relationship though takes time. For some people "just being friends" has one meaning and for others another meaning.
I had one guy tell me that he can be friends with every girl he dates because he just can because he is that kind of a friend. When it came down to us getting to know each other and it becoming obvious that we were not a fit because of deal breakers and some signs that he had character issues that I couldn't accept and deal with, he said he would still be my friend and we could just go and do things and hang out. But he was jealous when I went out on other dates. He was perturbed I didn't do something with him every night of the week. I addressed this and told him that we were just gonna be friends and that meant he shouldn't be jealous of someone else in a more personal space in my world in a way that he wasn't. In the end, he couldn't just be my friend because he wanted more and though he had said he would just be friends, he couldn't and he realized it later. You have to realize not everyone can be your friend. Some people want more than that which means they can't back up and just be friends. They don't know how to be friends without expecting to connect in a romantic way.
I had one guy tell me not to call him friend because when I did, that made him think that there was not a chance for anything else. This isn't how I meant it...everyone who is truly a part of my inner circle is my friend. I care about you. I want the best for you. I want to support you. I want to pray for you. I want to encourage you. I want to show you love [as a friend, not a lover]. But friends to him meant that nothing potentially would ever be deeper and I had to understand his meaning of friends to relate to him and make him feel comfortable with what friends meant to me.
There are other times when people say: "I think we should just be friends." This typically means, I don't want to date you and I don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you I really don't want you in my personal space. I personally think it would be better that people not state they "just want to be friends" unless that is just what they want and follow through with it. Be a friend if you are going to say you are, otherwise you are casual acquaintances instead. Not friends. More times than not, when someone says this, they don't have the heart to be open, honest and authentic about where they are in the relationship. And they should. It doesn't help anyone feel that the person is being real if they can't address the truth of the friendship and what their expectations are out of the relationship. If you are wanting to just be friends and see that you have that foundation first before you bring romance into the picture, then you need to keep your feelings in check to not send mixed messages.
Friendship can mean different things to different people and there are levels of to being friends. But either way, I believe guys and girls can be friends as long as there is a mutual understanding of what that means and an honest evaluation of where each individual's heart is in connecting as friends and what the expectations are out of the friendship. I was raised that guys and girls can't be friends. I have friends who believe this is correct and I have friends who believe this is incorrect. I pray that I am able to make some good guy friends that I can have a part of my life that encourage and support me because I want them in my life like that.
So I ask you to define for me, what does being friends in a dating relationship mean to you? How do you show someone you are willing to be their friend? What qualities must be developed in a friendship for the relationship to survive? Do you believe guys and girls can be friends?
To answer that in dating, you have to look at several aspects.
Do we have mutual interests? Do we genuinely care about each other? Can we support each other in whatever comes up? Is there mutual respect, appreciation, concern? Do we enjoy each others presence as we go about our daily lives and there is a chance to do things together? Do we want to spend time together? Do we miss each other when we are apart? Can we talk about everything as friends do? Can we share parts of our hearts as friends do? Do we want our friends to meet this new friend because we appreciate them so much?
A friend [per www.dictionary.com] means:
friend
[frend] noun
1.
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.
Some people state you have to be friends first before you can be lovers. Others state you have to have an attraction in order to date and to be "those kinds of friends".
I look at it differently. I think that every relationship is different and how it develops has its own attributes and characteristics, and so you may be friends first and then become lovers or you may be lovers first and develop into friends. If there is a deep attraction from the get go, I don't think you can say you have to back up and "be friends" first. I think that encourages you to deny your emotions which God gave you, the attraction and connection you felt for this person, as we all connect to certain people easily and with our hearts. But the fact remains, I don't see how you can progress in a [potential] marriage relationship in which you will live with someone the rest of your life if you aren't friends. True friends. Not surficial friends. Not friends of convenience. Not friends just when you are in need. True friends. A friend who is someone that is everything to you that you want them to be. Who wants to be with someone you only are romantic with? Who wants to be with someone you don't find fun to hang around except on dates nights or time spent alone in mad passionate love?
I honestly don't believe my parents were friends. They had reasons why they matched up with each other and got married, but they were not friends. They didn't have very many things they liked to do together. And the few things they did enjoy doing together, eventually died and they no longer did. They didn't enjoy, truly enjoy with no ulterior motive, just hanging out and having a good time with each other. If my parents were friends at the beginning of their marriage, it didn't last and they didn't develop the friendship deeply because of how they interacted with each other when I was older.
I absolutely don't want this kind of relationship. I would rather live alone then deal with being with someone and feeling alone, more alone because you have someone and aren't connected. I think that would be worse than just living in my own world. Someone I don't feel is on my side and supportive of me as a friend would be very sad.
I want to be with someone that I love to do absolutely everything with!!! You think I am joking? I am not. And guess what, if you don't want to be with me doing every little thing either, then I would hate for you to be obligated at a relationship with me. Life is too short for that. I am not gonna force anyone to be in my world...any more than I want you to force me to be in yours.
Don't get me wrong. I want my space too. I want you to feel free to go and have fun with your friends or alone and I want to be free to go and have fun with my friends or alone. I am not feeling I need to or have to be with you 24/7, but I sure don't want to dread being with you and if given the opportunity to join you, I would want to be with you over being alone because I want to want to be with you that much! That's what I mean.
Figuring out what being friends is in a relationship though takes time. For some people "just being friends" has one meaning and for others another meaning.
I had one guy tell me that he can be friends with every girl he dates because he just can because he is that kind of a friend. When it came down to us getting to know each other and it becoming obvious that we were not a fit because of deal breakers and some signs that he had character issues that I couldn't accept and deal with, he said he would still be my friend and we could just go and do things and hang out. But he was jealous when I went out on other dates. He was perturbed I didn't do something with him every night of the week. I addressed this and told him that we were just gonna be friends and that meant he shouldn't be jealous of someone else in a more personal space in my world in a way that he wasn't. In the end, he couldn't just be my friend because he wanted more and though he had said he would just be friends, he couldn't and he realized it later. You have to realize not everyone can be your friend. Some people want more than that which means they can't back up and just be friends. They don't know how to be friends without expecting to connect in a romantic way.
I had one guy tell me not to call him friend because when I did, that made him think that there was not a chance for anything else. This isn't how I meant it...everyone who is truly a part of my inner circle is my friend. I care about you. I want the best for you. I want to support you. I want to pray for you. I want to encourage you. I want to show you love [as a friend, not a lover]. But friends to him meant that nothing potentially would ever be deeper and I had to understand his meaning of friends to relate to him and make him feel comfortable with what friends meant to me.
There are other times when people say: "I think we should just be friends." This typically means, I don't want to date you and I don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you I really don't want you in my personal space. I personally think it would be better that people not state they "just want to be friends" unless that is just what they want and follow through with it. Be a friend if you are going to say you are, otherwise you are casual acquaintances instead. Not friends. More times than not, when someone says this, they don't have the heart to be open, honest and authentic about where they are in the relationship. And they should. It doesn't help anyone feel that the person is being real if they can't address the truth of the friendship and what their expectations are out of the relationship. If you are wanting to just be friends and see that you have that foundation first before you bring romance into the picture, then you need to keep your feelings in check to not send mixed messages.
Friendship can mean different things to different people and there are levels of to being friends. But either way, I believe guys and girls can be friends as long as there is a mutual understanding of what that means and an honest evaluation of where each individual's heart is in connecting as friends and what the expectations are out of the friendship. I was raised that guys and girls can't be friends. I have friends who believe this is correct and I have friends who believe this is incorrect. I pray that I am able to make some good guy friends that I can have a part of my life that encourage and support me because I want them in my life like that.
So I ask you to define for me, what does being friends in a dating relationship mean to you? How do you show someone you are willing to be their friend? What qualities must be developed in a friendship for the relationship to survive? Do you believe guys and girls can be friends?
Monday, June 16, 2014
Quotes
One thing that can stop us from being a truthful worshiper is feeling like we have nothing to offer to God.
- DarleneZschech
Sunday, June 15, 2014
the interesting thing about blogging
I love blogging.
I love writing.
I love sharing my thoughts.
I love getting feedback from the words I write and the thoughts I share.
I love the people that take time to comment, email me follow up thoughts, text me that my post really hit home with them, Facebook message me and share how the post impacted their world, comment on the link on Facebook after reading it or share my post from my Twitter feed. It tells me that what they thought I wrote was meaningful enough that they wanted their inner circle of friends to read it too. The ripple effect of blogging on my friendships is exciting to me!
Even after 7 years of blogging, I am still amazed that the posts I spend the most time writing, trying to make sure my thoughts make sense, that I have written all that I want to convey, that I have shared exactly what I should and left out what I shouldn't...are rarely the posts that hit home with people. They rarely are the ones that get any feedback. They are rarely the ones that seem to stir a connection.
The blog posts that create the most connection with people are the ones that take only 5 minutes to write. Not literally, but figuratively in the sense that they are the ones that my heart just feels called to write and I sit down and it all comes out and very little time is spent making it all come together. They are the ones that are written when I rarely worry about what people will think about what I am writing, because I really don't care, I have a message I want to share. I write because its my heart and I share all of it. People cry. People comment. People are amazed that I am this authentic, open, and bare my soul to the depths that I do.
The other blog posts that seem to create the most connection with people are the ones that I write about topics that are hurtful. Topics that are sensitive. Topics that people avoid. Topics that we all face. These are the ones that people resonate with. Topics that I am bold to go into. These are the posts where I hold nothing back. And people appreciate the honesty.
Part of me wonders why that is? Part of me knows. The evidence is there as to why these posts are a home run hit!
It is after writing these two kinds of posts that I wish I spent more time writing.
I love writing.
I love sharing my thoughts.
I love getting feedback from the words I write and the thoughts I share.
I love the people that take time to comment, email me follow up thoughts, text me that my post really hit home with them, Facebook message me and share how the post impacted their world, comment on the link on Facebook after reading it or share my post from my Twitter feed. It tells me that what they thought I wrote was meaningful enough that they wanted their inner circle of friends to read it too. The ripple effect of blogging on my friendships is exciting to me!
Even after 7 years of blogging, I am still amazed that the posts I spend the most time writing, trying to make sure my thoughts make sense, that I have written all that I want to convey, that I have shared exactly what I should and left out what I shouldn't...are rarely the posts that hit home with people. They rarely are the ones that get any feedback. They are rarely the ones that seem to stir a connection.
The blog posts that create the most connection with people are the ones that take only 5 minutes to write. Not literally, but figuratively in the sense that they are the ones that my heart just feels called to write and I sit down and it all comes out and very little time is spent making it all come together. They are the ones that are written when I rarely worry about what people will think about what I am writing, because I really don't care, I have a message I want to share. I write because its my heart and I share all of it. People cry. People comment. People are amazed that I am this authentic, open, and bare my soul to the depths that I do.
The other blog posts that seem to create the most connection with people are the ones that I write about topics that are hurtful. Topics that are sensitive. Topics that people avoid. Topics that we all face. These are the ones that people resonate with. Topics that I am bold to go into. These are the posts where I hold nothing back. And people appreciate the honesty.
Part of me wonders why that is? Part of me knows. The evidence is there as to why these posts are a home run hit!
It is after writing these two kinds of posts that I wish I spent more time writing.
He Loves ME
Happy Fathers Day to you Dads!
It truly is a blessing to be a Father and to make an impact in a child's life. It is an enormous responsibility, but the calling supercedes all others. The calling to show love, to teach skills, to lead, to inspire, to encourage, to support, to make an impact that goes beyond your own little world.
One of the guys I have been out with on a few dates takes a lot of pictures of him with his daughter. He is always finding ways to spend time with her. His love for her is amazing!
It got me thinking.
I have one memory of something my Dad did, completely an idea all on his own, unasked by Mom, in which he offered to take me and my sister late one New Years Eve to the grocery store to purchase and get some candy. We were beyond ecstatic!!! This was not something my Dad had ever done and the fact that my Mom allowed it, was truly amazing. [We were never allowed to be alone with my Dad and candy was not something we got very much, so the combination, was a huge event in my little world.]
I have one memory of something my Dad did, completely an idea all on his own, unasked by Mom, in which he offered to take me and my sister late one New Years Eve to the grocery store to purchase and get some candy. We were beyond ecstatic!!! This was not something my Dad had ever done and the fact that my Mom allowed it, was truly amazing. [We were never allowed to be alone with my Dad and candy was not something we got very much, so the combination, was a huge event in my little world.]
I don't have one picture that I am aware of with my Dad. Not one. I am not saying none were ever taken, because I don't have all the photos of my childhood, but I don't have one and don't remember one in all the times we poured over the albums we had. And then I got to thinking about if I had had a picture with my Dad, would he have been smiling? Would he have had his arm around me? Would I have been sitting on his lap? Would he have been kissing my cheek?
The sad thing is to realize that I know the answers to those questions. You might say, why would you even think about such things?
Because these things drive me to be a different person. Even if I am never a parent. These things drive me to reach out to that child who you can see the pain in their eyes, the longing for a hug, the longing for connection, the longing to be accepted, the longing to be loved, the longing to be wanted, the longing to mean something to somebody, the longing for affirmations and positive thoughts, the longing to be understood, the desire for all of these needs to be filled.....
The sad thing is to realize that I know the answers to those questions. You might say, why would you even think about such things?
Because these things drive me to be a different person. Even if I am never a parent. These things drive me to reach out to that child who you can see the pain in their eyes, the longing for a hug, the longing for connection, the longing to be accepted, the longing to be loved, the longing to be wanted, the longing to mean something to somebody, the longing for affirmations and positive thoughts, the longing to be understood, the desire for all of these needs to be filled.....
That child may not be young, it may be the inner child of an adult who still has this need and who is hurting, deeply hurting. This inner child may be YOU, my dear friend. This inner child many times is ME.
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| My Dad...Randall Russell Gilbert [maybe someday photos of just you and me will show up] |
Today, I know as my Dad looks down from Heaven, He Loves Me!!! Even though he never knew how to, couldn't, didn't say it or show it. He loves me as he has never loved me. He sees me in a way he never saw me when I was at home living the life of being his daughter. He cannot redo being a Dad to me.
...but I believe with my whole heart he loves me now!
...but I believe with my whole heart he loves me now!
You may be like me.....Never had a Dad who said you were beautiful. You were loved. Who kissed you beyond the dutiful goodnight kiss as a child on the cheek. Who held you close. Who hugged you just because. Who made you feel like a million bucks. Who enjoyed being with you. Who told you that you were wanted. Who sat on the couch and talked to you. Who took you for a walk. Who rode bikes with you. Who cooked in the kitchen with you. Who did a craft with you because it was your favorite thing. Who did things for you just because he wanted to be with you. Who took you out for Daddy Daughter Dates. Who cared so much about you that you knew it every single day.
But I promise you, God does!
He LOVES you.
Believe me, I know sometimes it is hard to let God's love be enough and replace those human connections and relationships where you can actually hear the words and feel the emotional expression...the connections and relationships that God wants you to have so that you understand his love on a deeper level. I am not trying to tell you those connections and relationships don't matter or that God replaces them completely, because I no longer believe that as I was taught. These relationships do matter, immensely or God would not have created them. Every little girl wants to be her Daddy's World. We need our Dad's. And God can be to us what other people are not, but their touch in our lives makes us more complete. As with all things in my life, I will always try to find the positive focus to let that rule over the negative feelings in order to have a thriving life. And I want you to too.
If you have been blessed to have a Dad that loves you and takes pictures with you, who tells you that you are beautiful, you are loved, kisses you, holds you close, hugs you just because, makes you feel like a million bucks, enjoys just being with you, tells you that you are wanted, talks to you, does things with you, takes you out on Daddy Daughter Dates and more...go tell your Daddy today how much you love him back! You may never know what is going on in his world and what he needs to hear from you today.
May each of us purpose today to be that loving person in a connection and relationship to that inner child that needs to know.....
I am Loved!
I am Wanted!
I am Accepted!
I am Understood.
I Matter!
I am Good Enough!
And I am Beautiful!
You are, my friend.
You are, my friend.
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