it's in God's hands

you know how people say, "It's in God's hand now"...well let me tell you, 
it always was

appreciate the prayers

I can feel the prayers of those who are praying for me.  I appreciate them.  It is comforting to know you are seeking God on my behalf.  Please continue.

credits from your story

Soon the credits will roll in your life. How will the people in the theater feel after engaging in your story? 

Love while you have the time. 

- Donald Miller and The Art of Nonconformity (AONC)

[my spoken testimony Sept Camp 2012]

I gave a testimony yesterday at the September Camp.  I have never given one like this before, but I have had several things on my heart and felt that it was time to share.  I will share it with you, my Courageous Journey blog followers.

I have had a very tough time the last year (truly a year and seven months to be exact) and though I try to be superwoman, don't want to admit that I can't do it, and do my best to outwardly show that I am fine, I inwardly have been having a challenge beyond words.  I openly shared this.  I went on to state that most people don't know what went on in the first 20 years of my life, Jeff did not learn of much of my life until I had been here for 7 years.  When I moved here to Burleson, Texas September 1997, I was told by my parents that I was never welcome back in their home and that I would die within 2 years.  Though people mean well when they ask how I am doing, they have no clue how I desperately do not want to answer that question.  My mom was a hypochondriac and everything was about her and her sickness.  I made it clear and informed everyone that I DO NOT WANT to be like my mom.  In any form or fashion.  Not at all!  But at the same time I am having health challenges that are affecting my everyday life and I am exhausted, my mustard seed is crushed, I am discouraged and don't know how much more of this I can take.  I am aware that many don't understand.  I have tried to explain, but the depth of what I am facing is not understood.  I don't fit the box that everyone is supposed to fit into.  I am told I am too intense, too bold, too aggressive.  However, in my heart, I want to serve the Lord and be the woman He wants me to be in spite of the opinions others have about me.  It hurts beyond words when people who you have associated with all your life only come and ask you how you are doing when they see you on Sunday's.  People have whispered about me, said things behind my back: "We don't know how she is doing, we don't see her very much." Yet, nobody has taken the time to come sit on my couch and learn what is going on in my world.  I understand that many times people who are struggling, pull away and their lack of attendance can mean that they are no longer interested in this group of Christian's.  That is not where I am. I love these people, I just can't physically do it.

I know I need more faith.  I know that when my hope is placed where it should be, I have an anchor for my soul that is firm and secure [Hebrews 6:19].  When it isn't, my hope is out of balance.  When my hope is in the right place, I have the peace and joy He wants me to have [Romans 15:13] because I am trusting Him.  I know the Lord has done much for me in my life and He will do it again.  I need more faith.

I requested prayers.  I need the prayers.  I don't have the wisdom for many of the decisions I am having to make. I don't understand God's plan for my life right now.  I don't have the strength to face the challenges that keep throwing me up against a brick wall.  I am exhausted!!!

I thanked two people very involved in my life for their love and support and continued input in my life.  I need them!

I also went on to say that I didn't know want people to come up and praise me for where I have been in my life.  The only reason I am where I am today is because of the Lord Jesus Christ working in my life.  Because He has forgiven my sins and given me a new life, another chance, an opportunity to sort through my baggage and serve Him.  If you can't come to me at other times, don't come to me now that I am pleading for your prayers.  Please don't.

I have learned what it is like to have a relationship with Him and not have to cross every i and dot every t [yes, that is backwards - I wrote it that way on purpose].  Through my situation, I am learning that everything is not as you might see it with your eye.  There is much more going on behind the scenes then you know.  I want to let my own situation motivate and grow me as the Lord wants.  I want to have more compassion and love for others in their difficult times.  I want to encourage others when I may not understand what is going on in their world.  I want to be an encourager.

I have many blessings...I am working on another post in which I will list many of the things I consider my top blessings.  But in the meantime, will you pray for me?  Pray that I have Wisdom?  Courage?  Patience?  Faith? and that the challenges and trials I am facing will only make me a better shinning light for Him!

I am with you. [Always]

Life.

are you juggling the truth?

Lies, deception, control, manipulation every ball has a name and juggling them is exhausting. Juggling them takes all your energy and focus. 

Why would anyone do that you ask? To "protect" something about them that they know deep down isn'

t healthy. Some type of dysfunction that they need to rationalize to themselves and others so they can continue to keep it.

The dysfunction could be an addiction, a character flaw, low self-esteem, a unhealthy relationship, etc.... Bottom line is all that juggling zaps you of your energy and takes your focus off the One who should be your focus.

There is a freedom in living in the light. Stop juggling, let the balls fall where they may and know that God loves you just as you are. He also loves you enough to not leave you that way. Invite the Holy Spirit into you and be transformed. I am a retired juggler and I approve this message.

" and ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32.

- Sisters In Christ Fellowship

pool rules

When I bought my HUD home, it came with a pool.  I have enjoyed using my pool and sharing my pool with others.  Some people are very kind and go out of their way to appreciate the fact that they use your pool, others don't seem to be so conscientious.  Unfortunately, I have been forced to implement the following so that everyone understands the simple rules.

Inn at Crestview Pool Rules:

• Pool Sweep will remain in the pool at all times.
• Return ALL floats or noodles to the shed and place floats on side against the wall so they drain dry.
• Return Pole with Leaf Catcher to shed. 
• Return Pole with Brush to shed.
• Close shed door completely.
• Return patio furniture and hammock to position they were in when you arrived.
• If you rinsed off with the hose, make sure water is 100% shut off and not dripping.
• Pick up all trash and belongings and take them with you.
• Make sure gate latches behind you. Make sure string does not get caught in latch or next participant will not be able to get in.

Your cooperation makes this available to you free of charge.  Please be considerate!

peace

haven't felt like blogging

I haven't blogged much lately.  Lots of reasons why.  Some of which I hope you will understand...some of which I don't expect you to.

• I have been sick with a sinus infection and upper respiratory crud.  When I am sick, my morale is down and I take everything personally.  I don't have lots of courage, I just want to run and hide so I can get better.  I know this about myself, but its still a hard time.
• I have felt I needed to refocus my life on the most important day to day operations.  Though I love blogging and I don't spend a lot of time doing it, it is one extra thing to do and I have wanted to simplify as many areas of my life as I can.  My goal is to do the things to help me eat, sleep and work. Outside of that, it has to go.  Once life is more manageable, then I will add what I feel I can.  Does that mean I won't blog?  NO, that is not what it means.  It just means for now, it won't be as often.
• My house is not orderly.  It needs to have filing done, organization, items listed on eBay, etc.  It is not a wreck, just piles of paperwork that has not been touched in months.  Things around that I don't need.
• I need to have surgery and I am trying to get as much as I can done prior to that.  I don't know how quickly I will have stamina for various things and so I want to get repairs and like items done.
• I am fighting with my insurance company to cover my surgery.  This is time consuming and a difficult task.  It also means I will be facing a financial burden for a long time.
• I am discouraged with how things have transpired with having employees, so far out of having hired 8 in 4 years, 6 of them have quit within 6 weeks to 7 months with only one staying with me for 4 years.  This has me at a point of needing to decide whether I want to continue to try to get employees trained and where I want my business to be, or whether I should just have enough business I can manage.  I don't foresee a business growing well with just me.  Is it impossible, no, but not the reason I want to be an Entrepreneur and not the end results of what I am trying to accomplish in a reoccurring revenue stream happening with just me.  I also don't know how long I can continually emotionally go through this.  Training takes 3-5 times as long as it takes just to do the work myself.  Today's individuals want to get paid for doing nothing, don't want to be corrected, don't want expectations out of them, don't want to strive for excellence, will quit a job with no notice just because they can without facing consequences, they simply just want money.  It doesn't work like that.
• There has been more drama with my brother.
• I am continuing to battle other health issues.

Now you know a little bit of what has been transpiring in my world.  The blogging will continue as I feel I can do it.

Quotes

We know nothing of the trials, sorrows and temptations of those around us, of pillows wet with sobs, of the life-tragedy that may be hidden behind a smile, of the secret cares, struggles, and worries that shorten life and leave their mark in hair prematurely whitened, and a character changed and almost recreated in a few days. Let us not dare to add to the burden of another the pain of our judgment.

–William George Jordan

begin and end

Begin and End your day with Prayer.

song ~ hold my heart

Hold My Heart
by Tenth Avenue North

How long must I pray, must I pray to You? 
How long must I wait, must I wait for You? 
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through? 
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me? 

One tear in the driving rain, 
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart? 
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tenth_avenue_north/hold_my_heart.html ]
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me? 

One tear in the driving rain, 
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart? 
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain, 
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart? 
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart? 
Hold my heart.

U & I

latest "home decorating" addition to my house

Uncle Gordy afficiated at Nicholas & Sarah's wedding and I will never forget something he said.  He mentioned that the two most important letters in the alphabet are U and I.  The thought really made an impact on me and I thought that was really cool! and the nugget has stuck with me for years.  

At the time, lots of places had numbers and letters that you could purchase...I bought the U & I pictured above on eBay from a Pottery Barn Collection.  I planned to put them in "my house someday" when a man joined my journey.  I have decided that I am not living for "my house someday".  I have bought my home in 2007 and it is a lovely house and I will make it the way I want it without a man.  I found the & at Target in July, but it wasn't the right shade of silver, but the right style and size.  I decided to spray paint it black, which I did this last Saturday.  Once I got that done, the U & I came out of the trunk and are now displayed on my living room wall as pictured above.  My life will be with U & I...You my friend and You my God.

What is a nugget that has stayed with you and that motivates you in your life?

curt & laura's wedding

Laura Bishop & Curt Zelder
(yes, I made the Groom's boutonniere!)

song ~ one thing remains

One Thing Remains
by Soul Survivor 2011


Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
Yes one thing remains


chorus:
Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
It never gives up
Never runs out on me.
Your love.




So much higher than the mountains that I face
You are stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
Yes one thing remains


chorus:
Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.
Your love.




And on and on and on and on it goes
For it overwhelms and satisfies my soul
and I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains 


chorus:
Your love never fails 
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails 
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.
Your love.




In death and life I'm confident and covered by
the power of your great love
My debt is paid there's nothing that can 
separate my heart from your great love.


chorus:
Your love never fails 
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.


Your love never fails
Never gives up
Never runs out on me.
Your love.

THINK!

Quotes

Our greatest enemies the ones we must fight most often, are within.

- Thomas Paine, statesman

GOD is the reason

Luke 6:45

Quotes

Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.
- Coco Chanel