blog status

Due to some personal issues at this time, I am taking a break from my blog.  I will be back and will update you on all the missing posts regarding LiveBIG #2 and my trip to Salt Lake City and all the other things that have transpired in my world.  I just need some time with me and God right now.

an open letter: Dear John

John,

I have reflected a bunch on my time at LiveBIG and interaction with you (and others) and how things have unfolded since returning home.  I feel Ephesians 1:16 expresses my heart the most "I haven't stopped thanking God for your part in my courageous journey and I continually speak to Him on your behalf in my prayers".

I want to Thank You for wanting to spend time with me, even after the extreme ultimate vulnerability I disclosed during the LiveBIG Event and sharing what I have faced in my life, the fears I have lived under, and the pain I have experienced.  I want to Thank You for giving me an experience of an incredible 1st Date for a full day alone with a man.  An amazing day!  A man who spent time getting to know me, who made me feel special, who treated me like a lady, who showed interest in my life, was kind and listened.  A man who shares many of the same values and interests as I do.  A man who loves God.  A man who was willing to be generous with me and share a part of his world with me.  A man who encouraged me to live the life I want and to focus on taking care of myself more than I do.  A man who has blessed me by sharing his Personal Affirmations with me and who has inspired me to rewrite My Affirmations after listening to his.  A man who encouraged me to join a Yoga class and do something I totally love.  A man committed to growing me as much as he grows himself.  A man who was interested in learning and knowing my story and let me know so.  A man who was vitally used in my journey to face my fears, who gave me an opportunity to show how committed I was to working past them, and who gave and blessed me with an experience of a lifetime!

A man who I also wish could know in his heart that I am a safe place, that I am not like other girls, and that I won't treat him as he has been treated before.  A man I wish knew that my goal was never to hurt or push him into something he didn't seek out or desire, as you initiated the relationship and communicated things that validated the friendship and interest in connection.  Even though you got angry at me on Wednesday on the phone John, I will not push you away.  Ever.  I still want you to succeed!!!  I still believe in you.  I obviously triggered crap to show up in your life by making you feel that you had to commit to a relationship, even though this was the absolute farthest thing from my heart and mind.  This hurt me immensely that I caused such a reaction in you!  I honestly and completely just wanted to be a friend to you, I simply wanted to give to the friendship as much as you had given to me, I simply wanted to not build my walls back up and shove men friends out and retreat as I have done my entire life, I simply wanted to stay connected to my goals of one vacation a quarter and if you wanted to see me you could, if you didn't no big deal...I was living my life the way I want it to by planning ahead and giving me a goal to look forward to in the midst of being overwhelmed upon my return!  In the week that I have known you, I have now experienced your Light and your Shadow side.  However, unlike other people who have been in your world and hurt you, who leave with a negative impression, who get angry back, who don't accept you for who you are, I still admire and respect you for who you are and wish you the absolute best!!!  

You will always have a place in my heart John [last name removed for privacy reasons].

God had us meet for a reason.  You came into my world and decided to walk out.  You are still a brother in Christ, and one who was used by God at a time in my life when I needed it most.  I am grateful!  You have a choice of what you want just as much as I do.  I will always be someone you can reach out to, have as a friend by your side, one to encourage, listen, support and inspire you...if you want that, then I am here to be a friend.  If you continue to maintain that you don't have time for my friendship and are not interested in a relationship, I completely understand that John.  I truly expect nothing from you.  I didn't force myself into your life before and I will never force myself into your life in the future.

God loves you no matter what you have faced in your past or no matter how your past haunts you.  God has taken every last bit of it and removed it as far as the east is from the west!  Just as I have experienced my own crap, you have yours.  However it doesn't define you any more than it defines me.  You are a Warrior Prince of God!  No matter the fears you have in connecting with people on Facebook because of your past, you are a new creator, living in the abundance of God's blessings and this shows by the choices you have made in your life.  No matter the pain that comes up from attempting to get to know a girl or the confusion, frustration, or fears you have in making a commitment to a girl, you are still an awesome guy.  God will use this all in your life to shape your journey.  I will continue to pray that some girl may come into your world and help you on your journey as you have helped me.  I pray that you can find your soulmate and that she gives you a special place in her heart!

Even though this experience has brought emotional pain for me, I am not going to back down on my commitment to be 100% completely open, authentic, honest and bare my soul in all my relationships, both personally and business wise...whether in person or online...and continue to work through my extreme intense crap and fears.  I will never back down from doing this no matter the outcome as I am determined to be ME and to live courageously, be generous, and be loving! 

I am deeply thankful for the day you gave me.  I am thankful for the things you shared with me and the words you spoke to my soul.  I will never forget your listening ear, your kind heart, your generous spirit.  I will always remember your definition of FEAR = Fuck Everything and Relax.  I will remember how fun it was to shop with a guy (I had never done that with someone outside of my brother).  I will always remember your beautiful intense blue eyes, how handsome you looked in a baseball hat, and how wonderful it was to be embraced by you.  I will remember the street sign "Lucky John" and the other God moments of our day.  And I will always remember "No, its not styled enough for me!".  I will be forever grateful for you sharing two audio books with me and your Personal Affirmations.  I will never be able to see a "1" or "11" or "1:11" or "11:11" without thinking of who I learned that from.  You will always be the guy I had my first beer with!  You made my 1st Date an amazing experience!!!

I will always regret not having my picture with you.  I will always regret not sharing my thoughts with you on the couch in the lobby of the hotel.  I will always regret that I didn't pray with you before we parted ways.  

You will always be a true friend in my heart, John [last name removed for privacy reasons].

With deep gratitude for allowing God to use you in my life,  I Thank You John for everything!!!

Misty

courage is...

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reality of negative self talk

I posted this today Facebook:

The LiveBIG Mastery Coaching Call was desperately needed for me today. Facing some extreme negative self talk since returning from LiveBIG. Irritated with myself for having this issue. Frustrated that this is my default pattern. The fight for having courage and facing my fears is great!!! Please pray for me! I wanna be courageous, generous and loving.


As the day wore on, I then posted this on Facebook:

LOVE my LiveBIG buddies!!! I so NEEDED you today.

"Misty, you are breath of fresh air...you are truth...you are a song. Your past and people don't define you. You are a blessing! Let it spread into your heart. Do you trust God? You have to show it. Let go of your generational crap." - Brandee Thornton Burt

..."you have to hold hands with your shadow self" - Denise Blaylock

"Misty you are a beautiful, confident, inspiring woman!" - Shana Galbraith

"My whole family is inspired by you. Love you girl!!!!!" - Debbie Loosle Abbott

The Rules for Being Amazing

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Everyday is a second chance.

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Perfectionism keeps you stuck in the land of "you can't do, be or have enough.
- Kadena Tate

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Day 25 Video Challenge

Determination is a key to success, it is a key to achieving goals, to have motivation, to achieve excellence.  Today I share my thoughts on Determination in my video challenge.  You can watch it here.

What are you determined to do?  May I encourage you to be determined to be courageous, be generous, be loving, and LiveBIG!

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When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!

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I Am Poem

I Am
by Misty W Gilbert

I am courageous, generous, and loving
for by knowing who I am
I am empowered to be a powerful creator.

I am not afraid of the truth of my life
for by learning more about me
I am able to discover who God called me to be.

I am going to share my story
for by living down my fears
I am able to be authentic and real.

I am convinced it won't be easy
for the truth to be known
but I will pursue sharing the message God gave me.

I am not worried about the impact
for truth lives in spite of the lies
I am determined to have faith and believe.

I am rewriting my story
for it is my unique life
I am a princess of the One True King.

In this, I will press on and be courageous, be generous and be loving!

LOVE your flaws, mistakes and weaknesses...

for me, the best thing is LOVING my flaws, my mistakes, and my weaknesses 

because I Am Amazing!!! 

and yes, and YOU are too.......

a {workaholic} nugget from LiveBIG

I recounted my full LiveBIG experience to you.  All my notes.  All my thoughts.  How I took the things I was experiencing during the conference as lessons and challenges and learning tools.  As I continue to work through this information and develop my tools, I want to share with you some of the biggest nuggets I got out of the experience.

As the LiveBIG coaches, Gerald, Tony & Marci, worked with us through their materials, we  also had a Buddy that we worked with.  The buddy was someone we had personal conversation with.  These conversations were times of sharing.  Times of getting to know each other.  Times of asking questions.  Times of answering questions.  Sometimes the questions were easy.  Sometimes the questions were hard.  Sometimes I knew the answers.  Sometimes I didn't.  Sometimes I couldn't even try to find a reason, a clue, an answer.  Sometimes it took reflection to try to find the answers.  Sometimes answers came in ways I didn't anticipate.  Sometimes I had to leave the question unanswered praying that in time I would know the answer.

One of the areas of my focus this year has been to address and work on my Workaholic pattern and create a Work Life Balance.  This was one of those things for me where I have tried to find answers and put pieces of the puzzle together and yet I have struggled to do so.

I love to work.  I love the satisfaction that comes from hard effort.  I love to create.  I love to take chaos and create clarity out of it. I love to create processes.  I love to dig for the details and create a picture that matches the end result that is desired.  I love to make things perfect.  I love to see things come together.  I love to take a mess and organize it.  These are things I love to do and have learned to do well.  

So well that I devote an enormous amount of time to it.  But why?

I have nobody to support me (no family or husband - other than myself) and have felt a drive to get ahead, to achieve, to accomplish, to conquer, to succeed.  This has been one of "my reasons" to be a workaholic.

But is this the only reasons why? 

Is it the "real" reason???

I have been told lots of reasons from others as to why they think I am a workaholic.  I have been told because I have a love of money.  I am not submitting to God's plan for my life.  I am running from something.  I have fear.  I expect perfection.  Because of a lot of reasons people think I am a workaholic, I have been labeled things, many things that I never felt were true.  Not that these reasons can't be true for some people, or that I didn't have my moments when it was used to run from something, but in searching my soul, learning about myself and putting efforts into figuring stuff out as to why I am the way I am, none of these were my core issue that continued the workaholic patterns.

In prayer with God, I have asked him to show me, help me to see the true reasons, to help me figure out the reasons why my work life balance is not where I want it to be and to give me the tools to make the changes.  I have made small changes, but the core issue remained.  I have become frustrated trying to fix the balance I feel is lopsided.  

I work and am drawn to work, a lot.  The industry I am in requires lots of hours.  The government is creating my work to be even more challenging and less fun.  The process of staying on top of all the changes makes it hard to reduce my hours.  The need for balance is even greater as the stress continues to impact the lives of my clients and my own life.

Through the process at the LiveBIG Conference, I got to share one of my main goals, to create work life balance.  I got asked hard questions.  I got to contemplate them.  I got to spend time thinking about more experiences that have created the meaning and definition I have given to me, to work, to play, to life, and to balance.  I uncovered lies that I believe that have created my reaction to why I absolutely love to work.  In analyzing these reactions, I discovered amazing keys to the reason I work so much.  Keys that have unlocked what I have been searching to find for a long time.   

Keys that are going to impact the changes to the work life balance quest I seek to obtain.  Keys that have been missing to help me in this process to unlock what is holding me back from having and living the life I want in service to my God.  Keys that I never dreamed were part of my belief system.  Keys that will be the tools I have been praying for to change me.  Keys that will empower me in a whole new way.

The key has unlocked the door.  But now I must take the time to identify all the lies and replace the the lies with truth so the door can swing completely open.  I must believe the truth so that I can walk through that door.  I must then make the efforts to change the meaning and definition to get past the doorway.  I must then create new experiences as I walk through this doorway into a the hallway, up the stairs, that will lead to another room, through another doorway into the unknown of my palace.

I am excited about this process of learning and growing.  Though its hard and though its taking deep dark work, even though there are days I get discouraged in the process, the results are phenomenal.  

Once again I am reminded that we each have choices.  That we each have the power to choose.  That when we truly seek God with our whole heart, He will provide answers.  He will give you the tools.  He will give you the power to be who He created you to be, if you want to be.  But you have to want to do the deep dark work.  You have to be willing to face your fears.  You have to be willing to ask the hard questions.  You have to be willing to discover the answers.  You have to be willing to implement the changes.

Be Courageous.  Be Generous.  Be Loving.  Choose to LiveBIG!

my siblings in 1988

1988  LtoR:
Mindy, Terry aka Buddy (back in the day), & Misty

Wow!!! A blast from the past!
A friend shared this photo on Facebook...I don't have too many photos of the three of us!
Look at that face (my face)...LOL
...I remember these days.  They were not happy days.

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Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business. 
- Thomas Merton