textbook patient

Would you want to be a textbook patient?  If your doctor told you that's how he looked at you, what would you say?

My Acupuncturist looks at me like this.  The first time he told me I was a textbook patient, I kinda was like, what???  My back stiffened.  How dare he call me a textbook patient!  I don't wanna be a textbook patient!!!

It since has become a joke and I have accepted it.  I am.  A textbook patient.

I started Acupuncture in the quest to find a way to deal with my insomnia, hair loss, extreme fatigue, allergies, allergic reactions and rashes, along with the ongoing hormone issues that have perplexed me for years.  Dealing with a combination of symptoms, a level of complexity that is pretty high, unique reactions from herbal treatments, I have had to come to accept it, I am the textbook patient.

I realized I was fighting it.

I wanted to be "normal". I didn't want to be unique.  I didn't want to be a test.  I didn't want to be complex.  I didn't want there to not be answers.  I didn't want my symptoms to generate "the look", the statement "I haven't heard of that before", the feeling that I was strange.  I wanted help.  The first time.  I wanted a fix.

But who doesn't want answers?

Who doesn't want a fix?

I realized there were reasons I was fighting it.  

Being normal, unique, a test, complex, without answers, perplexing, strange and all that had a bad feeling.  It made me feel like I was just like my Mom.  

I fight that feeling more than you can imagine.

I had to realize that having health conditions that were valid and true symptoms doesn't make me like my Mom.  Being unique doesn't make me a match just like my Mom.  Being someone to be able to help others by being a test patient, doesn't make me like my Mom.  Being complex doesn't mean I am hypochondriac.  Being without answers doesn't mean I am hopeless.  Being perplexing doesn't mean it isn't a valid reason.  Being strange doesn't mean I am strange in the way my Mom is strange.  Just because my Mom has health issues and I have some health issues, doesn't mean I shouldn't seek help for those issues.

How many woman in the bible had the symptoms of the lady that touched the Lords robe?  We only know of one.  Was she normal?  Unique?  A test?  Complex?  Without answers?  Perplexing?  Strange?

Would I want her to feel she was normal, unique, a test, complex, without answers, perplexing, strange?

Would God want me to feel that way???

Awwwhhhhh, the peace that comes from accepting who you are.  I am a textbook patient.  I am writing my own unique story.  No need to feel like I am replica of something that has a bad taste in my mouth.  

And do you think if my Acupuncturist knew what his statement did to me, do you think he would say it???  I promise you he wouldn't, but I can promise you this, God has used it to grow me.

I am a textbook patient!  

I am proud to be normal, a Misty normal.  I am proud to be unique, God created me in his image and that is very unique.  I grateful to be a test, hopefully through all these weekly treatments and test someone else will benefit from the results.  I am complex, God made me so.  I am in search of answers, but I know God has them all and if I don't find them I know he still has them.  I am perplexing, I wasn't meant to be figured out in a day.  I am strange, I reflect the light of the one who is my maker and he he is strange because he can't be matched.

I won't resent being a textbook patient any more.