The Art of Letting Go

My Friday Reflections: The art of Letting Go doesn't look the same for everyone.

How can we assume it does? Why do we think that what worked for us will work for someone else? Why do we feel that the other person needs to implement our results? What are we trying to accomplish when we tell someone, "just let go" or "move on"? How could we be more effective at supporting someone in their emotional journey of a letting go process?

The reality is your journey has had different moments make up the outline to your canvas. These moments include all your senses. Your personality reacts to life's circumstances in a way that isn't the same as mine. Your experiences with this person or situation have affected your life in a way that no matter how much I try, I will never be able to fully relate to or understand.

Yes, I may have empathy or even sometimes sympathy, but to expect someone else to do it just like me is creating judgement and not giving them the power of choice, to allow them listen to their heart, to allow their body to feel their own emotions without criticism, shame or guilt, and consequently to heal at their own pace.

Sure there are laws of physics; basic principals that create a cause and effect; studies that show patterns; similarities that make us alike yet very different; ways to spur growth in the letting go and healing process; the impact of positive thinking, touch and kindness; the power of prayer; and yet YOU are unique.

I might see the forrest for the trees, you might see the trees for the forrest. Truthfully both are required to complete the picture.

I might be able to describe what I see so vividly that you can see it too, but then I also might inflict more emotional pain in the process by trying to help you see the vision I can so clearly see thorough my eyes as I take in the picture. At the same time, I might create more emotional healing and a clearer perspective by sharing with you the vision I see and help you to see with new eyes, a renewed focus on the big picture, another perspective to reality.

I might have more experience and situations that make me see it differently then you do, but your own beliefs from your experiences have created your perception to reality. The truth is, you have to want to see it from my perspective so that you can change your own. Trying to force you to embrace my version is only going to frustrate you, build a wall between us, make you feel guilt, shame and criticized and ultimately not understood or loved. In the end, I will be shutting you down. I won't be validating what you are facing. If I let you feel your own emotions and let you be you, know you will ask for insight when you want it, believe that you will seek a method that restores your emotional soul, believe you want to be an overcomer and not a victim, then I will create a connection and be showing you love that will fully allow healing.

Just as the body heals at different rates and ways from a wound, so will each of us heal differently from an emotional experience. Some wounds bleed a bunch. Some wounds get infected. Some wounds seem to scab over again and again and again. Some wounds respond to the medication, ointment, and solutions well. Some wounds are so painful that any activity at all creates even more pain. Some get irritated and an allergic reaction happens to the very things that were designed to help increase healing. Some wounds get re-injured by forcing them to an environment sooner then they are ready for. Some wounds are very, very ugly with so much damage done, along with the impact of the injury and the depth of pain, the only way to create an environment for healing and restoration is to do surgery, which sometimes is complete reconstruction of what was the original. Sometimes the wound is so inflamed that you just have to allow time and do nothing to let things simmer down before you can do anything to start the healing process. Sometimes it is a life and death matter and time is of the essence and if something isn't done quickly, nothing will survive. Sometimes healing comes quickly and the body is back to normal sooner than expected.

Your chapter might be longer or shorter then mine. Yet, telling someone to rip this chapter out, glue the pages together, or mark out paragraphs with a black marker might not be what benefits them the most. You might think skipping this chapter or blocking this chapter from their memory is the best thing, but maybe that will make it worse and prevent healing. They might need to shed tears over this chapter to the point where the words become blurred and you no longer can see the message. They might need to close that chapter and never read it again. They might need to keep the chapter in pristine shape for evidence before legal council. You may have only read the highlights of the chapter and not all the footnotes and details that provide the backup details to what was written.

No matter what your view is of the chapter, every chapter in our lives was written for a reason. Some chapters have a greater impact. Some chapters repeat themselves with only a few changes to the storyline. Some chapters will always create the same emotions no matter when we read them.

The art of Letting Go is a process.

The art of Letting Go works best through love.

The art of Letting Go takes vulnerability.

The art of Letting Go means I am willing to face my pain.

The art of Letting Go means I have hope for today.

The art of Letting Go says my feelings matter and I will embrace them to go to the next level.

The art of Letting Go says I accept what has transpired and will have no regrets.

The art of Letting Go is a lifelong journey that we will face in numerous ways and various circumstances.

The art of Letting Go won't work for us the same way each and every time and this means we need to have patience with ourselves.

The art of Letting Go means I get to replace it with something else.

The art of Letting Go is a choice.
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