My journey this year is focused on changing me. To a greater level. I am determined to work through my intense crap.
Because I have made this choice and am avidly focused on clearing out the junk, discovering the truth, affirming the positive, rewriting my story, changing my focus, and believing what I discover; I am finding that I am facing even more challenges on the very things that have created fears. Deep fears. Hurt. Deep hurt.
How can this be? It's like I am asking for these challenges to increase, but I truly haven't asked for that to happen. I had enough already. It's like they are coming at me to try to make me sink, to drown me in the waves, to make me contemplate giving up.
How can this be??? Is it some sort of joke? Because I am serious about this, you want to make me prove it? Believe I like a challenge, but this seems to be creating a sickness in the pit of my stomach that I am not sure how to resolve.
You see I have issues with guys. It's a known fact. In a work setting, no problem. I am in my zone and can communicate with you on your level. In fact, I have been told you will be blown away by how I interact with you. In an networking setting, no problem as long as we at some point can talk about business, employees, budgets, goals, and other like work stuff. In a social setting, no problem as long as you are someone I know and who is married to one of my girlfriends. You are single and you seem to wanna hang around and keep staring at me and looking me down? This I avoid.
In working through why I have such fears of this I have tried to just face them so that I can find the answers and locate the truth. I haven't totally figured out the whys, even if rape was part of the picture, I don't believe its all of the picture.
I decided that I needed to take the compliments and not fight them. I would accept them and not act like a snob. I would be kind, but firmly define my boundaries. Not the ones you want me to have, but the ones I want. The ones that make me happy. I am not obligated to get to know you. I am not obligated to give you a chance. I have a choice in whom I want to date. I have a choice IF I even want to date. I will believe I am beautiful and not a piece of meat even if you look at me in such a manner.
But how do you truly work through this type of intense crap when someone doesn't get you are not interested in them? When they sit in their car watching you walk/run at the track? When they move their car to the other end of the parking lot to get a better view? When you ignore them and keep running laps they then park right by the entrance forcing you to acknowledge them when you have to walk across the driveway? And then when they follow you home?
Oh hell! You are now making me sick. Really sick. You are making me want to run. FAST. To forget that I am important. To forget that there is something better on the other side of this mess. You are making me second guess why I had this resolve to face my fears.
Then I remember why I took two rounds of self defense classes because of guys like you! Don't even think of it dude, I will take you down. I am not playing games. This might make me sick, but I refuse to be afraid of you. I might have been at one time, but you will not win.
Every bit of confidence I was working on creating and developing is being challenged to my very core, but believe me when I say I am determined to win.
Because I love ME!
And because ME is worth it.
And because God is with ME and he wants me to win.
That's why.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Saturday, March 8, 2014
I Am Poem
I Am
by Misty W Gilbert
I am digging deep into the lies
I am affirming the truth
I am facing my fears
I am not gonna run from them anymore
I am believing in me
I am reshaping my story
I am choosing to live big
For I am courageous, generous and loving
by Misty W Gilbert
I am digging deep into the lies
I am affirming the truth
I am facing my fears
I am not gonna run from them anymore
I am believing in me
I am reshaping my story
I am choosing to live big
For I am courageous, generous and loving
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Day 11 Video Challenge
Each of us have experienced things that we have given a meaning and a definition to. Those definitions create triggers, which create reactions. Many times those reactions are negative and we form a negative belief system from these experiences. As we work through processing what we want to keep and what we want to get rid of, we have to delete some files. We have to trash the ugly stuff. We have to attempt to reformat the hard drive. We have to increase the positive belief system to overwrite the negative belief system.
Each of us have a belief system. What tools are you using to create a new belief system for yourself? I would love to learn from you and hear how you do this.
You can listen to my thoughts on this in today's video here.
Each of us have a belief system. What tools are you using to create a new belief system for yourself? I would love to learn from you and hear how you do this.
You can listen to my thoughts on this in today's video here.
a {without shame} nugget from LiveBIG
I recounted my full LiveBIG experience to you. All my notes. All my thoughts. How I took the things I was experiencing during the conference as lessons and challenges and learning tools. As I continue to work through this information and develop my tools, I want to share with you some of the biggest nuggets I got out of the experience.
The second day of the LiveBIG Conference, Tony Litster (one of the LiveBIG Coaches) was speaking and sharing thoughts on how our triggers are based on emotions that dig you deeper into your fears. Fears that make you want to hide. Fears that make you want to escape. How these unexamined patterns will run us. He encouraged us to go to a place of self acceptance. He told us we will need to examine without shame.
When he asked if there were questions, I asked: "How do you examine without shame?" You can read my full post of my encounter with Tony here as he worked with me individually and what that experience was for me and the incredible way he was able to dig into my soul and the message he had for me, a complete eye opener about me, something I never dreamed would have been a lie I was believing.
What I want to share with you is the powerful answer to my question that he left me with to ponder:
Smack. A kick in the gut.
How do you examine without shame? You have to change the negative belief system you have.
The way to do this is to change your story.
The way to change your story is to write new stuff.
The way to write new stuff is to change your focus.
The way to change your focus is to look at the truth.
The way to look at the truth and create new patterns is to remind yourself frequently, put these messages everywhere to reinforce new automatic thoughts.
This is powerful. Simple yet powerful. The choice is yours!
May I encourage you to not look at yourself with shame? Shame may be all you know. But I promise you, its not the message God wants for you!
May I encourage you to not look at yourself as not worthy? Unworthy may be how you feel deep in your heart. But I promise you, its not the message God wants for you!
May I encourage you to rewrite your story? It may be the only story you know. But I promise you, its not the story that God has for you. He has a plan for your life and the story is not written the way you are reading it.
May I encourage you to change your focus? Your current focus may be the only lens you are used to seeing out of, but I promise you, God has a new lens for you!
May I encourage you to face the lies with the truth? You may not be able to differentiate between the lies and the truth, but I promise you, God will show you the truth if you seek Him and ask Him too. Truth is louder than lies.
May I encourage you to develop new patterns of loving, positive, encouraging thoughts? Unloving, negative and discouraging thoughts may be all you know in your brain waves, but I promise you, God will show you loving, positive, and encouraging wave lengths if you want a new ingrained belief system.
This is a big task to do when you have as much intense crap as I do in my life from facing years of abuse, extreme negative feedback, complete shame based relationships, ingrained thought processes and concepts based on you are not good enough, unloving actions and accusations to discourage. But I believe you can do it. If you are as determined as I am, you can and you will! And God will give you the strength to do it if you have faith and believe.
Rewrite your story.
Change your focus.
Find the truth.
Create new patterns.
Remind yourself.
Remember, LiveBIG friends!
The second day of the LiveBIG Conference, Tony Litster (one of the LiveBIG Coaches) was speaking and sharing thoughts on how our triggers are based on emotions that dig you deeper into your fears. Fears that make you want to hide. Fears that make you want to escape. How these unexamined patterns will run us. He encouraged us to go to a place of self acceptance. He told us we will need to examine without shame.
When he asked if there were questions, I asked: "How do you examine without shame?" You can read my full post of my encounter with Tony here as he worked with me individually and what that experience was for me and the incredible way he was able to dig into my soul and the message he had for me, a complete eye opener about me, something I never dreamed would have been a lie I was believing.
What I want to share with you is the powerful answer to my question that he left me with to ponder:
"Shame is I am bad. It tells us that I am not worthy."
Smack. A kick in the gut.
How do you examine without shame? You have to change the negative belief system you have.
The way to do this is to change your story.
The way to change your story is to write new stuff.
The way to write new stuff is to change your focus.
The way to change your focus is to look at the truth.
The way to look at the truth and create new patterns is to remind yourself frequently, put these messages everywhere to reinforce new automatic thoughts.
This is powerful. Simple yet powerful. The choice is yours!
May I encourage you to not look at yourself with shame? Shame may be all you know. But I promise you, its not the message God wants for you!
May I encourage you to not look at yourself as not worthy? Unworthy may be how you feel deep in your heart. But I promise you, its not the message God wants for you!
May I encourage you to rewrite your story? It may be the only story you know. But I promise you, its not the story that God has for you. He has a plan for your life and the story is not written the way you are reading it.
May I encourage you to change your focus? Your current focus may be the only lens you are used to seeing out of, but I promise you, God has a new lens for you!
May I encourage you to face the lies with the truth? You may not be able to differentiate between the lies and the truth, but I promise you, God will show you the truth if you seek Him and ask Him too. Truth is louder than lies.
May I encourage you to develop new patterns of loving, positive, encouraging thoughts? Unloving, negative and discouraging thoughts may be all you know in your brain waves, but I promise you, God will show you loving, positive, and encouraging wave lengths if you want a new ingrained belief system.
This is a big task to do when you have as much intense crap as I do in my life from facing years of abuse, extreme negative feedback, complete shame based relationships, ingrained thought processes and concepts based on you are not good enough, unloving actions and accusations to discourage. But I believe you can do it. If you are as determined as I am, you can and you will! And God will give you the strength to do it if you have faith and believe.
Rewrite your story.
Change your focus.
Find the truth.
Create new patterns.
Remind yourself.
Remember, LiveBIG friends!
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Day 10 Video Challenge
Yesterday I asked you if you are wallowing in your crap or are you letting your crap build you a beautiful garden?
Sometimes during and in that process it creates growing pains, difficulties, hardships, hurts deep, and even creates more pain then what you already had. We tend to fight the pain. However if we were to give into the pain and understand the pain is what is necessary and needed for us to have healing; without us having that experience we don't get the life, blood to the wound, strength, encouragement, and to create healing.
In our relationship with God, sometimes we try to do this all on our own and fight going to him for our strength to have him help us work through the cleansing and healing that needs to happen in our life. Instead we need to go to him for the strength in the process.
I am going through one of those tough spells. Those times when you can't shake that funk. Those times when you can't figure out what all is making life unbearable. Difficult. Hard. Challenging. Frustrating. When all you want to do is cry.
Sure, some of it is understood. Challenges with clients. Issues with triggers. Issues with my past. Issues with relationships. Issues with negative thoughts. Issues with being overwhelmed. Issues with sleep. Overall, just issues with life. I pray that through the next few days I can understand more what message God is wanting me to hear and that I will be in tune to my connection with him to be ready to accept his message.
I just want to remind you today to give into the pain. As you do, you will experience the healing. It is hard, difficult and challenging. Through the painful process you will get to a day that you are healed and it won't be the pain you have now.
You can listen to today's video post here.
Sometimes during and in that process it creates growing pains, difficulties, hardships, hurts deep, and even creates more pain then what you already had. We tend to fight the pain. However if we were to give into the pain and understand the pain is what is necessary and needed for us to have healing; without us having that experience we don't get the life, blood to the wound, strength, encouragement, and to create healing.
In our relationship with God, sometimes we try to do this all on our own and fight going to him for our strength to have him help us work through the cleansing and healing that needs to happen in our life. Instead we need to go to him for the strength in the process.
I am going through one of those tough spells. Those times when you can't shake that funk. Those times when you can't figure out what all is making life unbearable. Difficult. Hard. Challenging. Frustrating. When all you want to do is cry.
Sure, some of it is understood. Challenges with clients. Issues with triggers. Issues with my past. Issues with relationships. Issues with negative thoughts. Issues with being overwhelmed. Issues with sleep. Overall, just issues with life. I pray that through the next few days I can understand more what message God is wanting me to hear and that I will be in tune to my connection with him to be ready to accept his message.
I just want to remind you today to give into the pain. As you do, you will experience the healing. It is hard, difficult and challenging. Through the painful process you will get to a day that you are healed and it won't be the pain you have now.
You can listen to today's video post here.
song ~ faithful
Faithful
by Hawk Nelson
You never promised me that this would be easy
I never knew that anything could be this hard
I wanna trust that You know what You're doin'
But right now, I'm just fallin' apart
It's hard to see it when I'm livin' in the moment
But Your love's still written on my heart
I get lost when I feel the wind blowin'
I gotta cling to who You are
'Cause You are good
Even when You're not understood
No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning outta control
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
I'm leaving doubt and sorrow in the distance
I'm gonna trust, and cast my fears aside
My life's a work that I know You'll finish
I know I'm gonna be alright
It's You I'll chase
Even when I can't see Your face
No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning out of control
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are
And oh, oh, oh, oh
My God is always faithful
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
(My God, my God)
And oh, oh, oh, oh
My God is always faithful
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
(My God, my God)
No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning outta control
Lord, you are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are
Oh, You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are
by Hawk Nelson
You never promised me that this would be easy
I never knew that anything could be this hard
I wanna trust that You know what You're doin'
But right now, I'm just fallin' apart
It's hard to see it when I'm livin' in the moment
But Your love's still written on my heart
I get lost when I feel the wind blowin'
I gotta cling to who You are
'Cause You are good
Even when You're not understood
No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning outta control
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
I'm leaving doubt and sorrow in the distance
I'm gonna trust, and cast my fears aside
My life's a work that I know You'll finish
I know I'm gonna be alright
It's You I'll chase
Even when I can't see Your face
No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning out of control
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are
And oh, oh, oh, oh
My God is always faithful
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
(My God, my God)
And oh, oh, oh, oh
My God is always faithful
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
(My God, my God)
No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning outta control
Lord, you are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are
Oh, You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are faithful, faithful
You are
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Day 9 Video Challenge
I had time with a friend Monday night...we went and ate sushi. In our conversation, I got to share my experience with her. I got very emotional in recounting this to her. The LiveBIG Conference I went to January 2014 has really impacted my world!
I have 3 tickets to give away, and have so far given 1 away. I really dig this LiveBIG experience! It is one of a handful of things that truly has impacted my world in a huge way...and I share a few reasons why, and I share that I am working through my intense crap. I give an analogy of this process...and I ask:
You can watch this video here as I talk about it.
I would love you to give you an opportunity to go to a LiveBIG conference if it is something that you want to do if you are determined to change your world, as much as I am determined to. YOU CAN LIVE BIG! Go for it friends. I love you!
I have 3 tickets to give away, and have so far given 1 away. I really dig this LiveBIG experience! It is one of a handful of things that truly has impacted my world in a huge way...and I share a few reasons why, and I share that I am working through my intense crap. I give an analogy of this process...and I ask:
Are you wallowing in your crap or are you building a beautiful garden out of this manure?
You can watch this video here as I talk about it.
I would love you to give you an opportunity to go to a LiveBIG conference if it is something that you want to do if you are determined to change your world, as much as I am determined to. YOU CAN LIVE BIG! Go for it friends. I love you!
Monday, March 3, 2014
Day 8 Video Challenge
Here is the all NEW ME!
I watched the first two hours of the Oscars last night, for the first time. I enjoyed it. It was fun to critique these speakers. I talk about my review of Ellen, the host, in this video. I also share a conversation I had with one of the LiveBIG Coaches, Tony Litster on Perfection vs Improvement.
I share some thoughts here. Are you striving to be perfect or are you trying to improve?
LiveBIG today!
I watched the first two hours of the Oscars last night, for the first time. I enjoyed it. It was fun to critique these speakers. I talk about my review of Ellen, the host, in this video. I also share a conversation I had with one of the LiveBIG Coaches, Tony Litster on Perfection vs Improvement.
I share some thoughts here. Are you striving to be perfect or are you trying to improve?
LiveBIG today!
Quotes
Commit today to cherish and honor the people in our lives, those whom God put into our lives. Simply make it your goal and your purpose to add value to them, consistently, intentionally, and aggressively.
- Dr. Walid Saade
- Dr. Walid Saade
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Day 7 Video Challenge
My hair has always been long, very long, and is naturally curly...its something I have always LOVED. I decided to face my fears, cut it and donate my hair to Locks of Love. You can watch the video here as I talk about this experience.
It is an amazing feeling!!! Very light. Can't keep my hands off of it. Here is the all NEW ME!
Be Courageous. Be Generous. Be Loving. LiveBIG!
It is an amazing feeling!!! Very light. Can't keep my hands off of it. Here is the all NEW ME!
Be Courageous. Be Generous. Be Loving. LiveBIG!
Saturday, March 1, 2014
I Am Poem
I Am
by Misty W Gilbert
I am courageous
I am generous
I am loving
I am a unique woman
I am single
I am a firstborn
I am passionate
I am determined
I am fiercely competitive
I am practical
I am authentic
I am a giver
I am an overcomer
I am in love with music
I am a very fast typist
I am a writer
I am knitter
I am a reader
I am a pianist
I am a clock collector
I am fond of shabby chic touches
I am amazed by vintage items
I am inspired by red
I am refreshed by white
I am classy in black
I am moved by water
I am striving to be a minimalist
I am aspiring to lead a quiet life
I am in love with God
I am faith driven
I am dedicated to everything I touch
I am entrepreneur
I am a penny pincher
I am a planner
I am into the details
I am not who I used to be
but I am ME
by Misty W Gilbert
I am courageous
I am generous
I am loving
I am a unique woman
I am single
I am a firstborn
I am passionate
I am determined
I am fiercely competitive
I am practical
I am authentic
I am a giver
I am an overcomer
I am in love with music
I am a very fast typist
I am a writer
I am knitter
I am a reader
I am a pianist
I am a clock collector
I am fond of shabby chic touches
I am amazed by vintage items
I am inspired by red
I am refreshed by white
I am classy in black
I am moved by water
I am striving to be a minimalist
I am aspiring to lead a quiet life
I am in love with God
I am faith driven
I am dedicated to everything I touch
I am entrepreneur
I am a penny pincher
I am a planner
I am into the details
I am not who I used to be
but I am ME
Day 6 Video Challenge
Today I talk about how Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter are seasons in nature that we get to experience various aspects of change. I love to think about the analogy of the seasons in nature and encourage you to look at your life the same way. Just as it says in Ecclesiastes, our lives will have a time for everything.
Enjoy the season of life you are in and make the most of it as you live on your courageous journey!
You can watch my message to you here.
Enjoy the season of life you are in and make the most of it as you live on your courageous journey!
You can watch my message to you here.
Friday, February 28, 2014
thoughts on being vulnerable
Being vulnerable and sharing your heart doesn't mean you are weak...it means you are being honest. You are willing to quit living in a mask and be open, authentic and truly live in reality. It means you know you have dark deep work to do. It means you aren't willing to be like everyone else and just accept status quo. It means you are willing to face your FEARS and do the difficult process of digging deep. Just because you have fears and false perceptions doesn't mean you have self pity for your situation or that you are a negative person because you have fears. Having fears allows you to develop your courage and press through them.
LiveBIG friends!
LiveBIG friends!
Day 5 Video Challenge
Today I answer how you work through focusing on and working through your triggers so that you know how to change your reactions.
Ask yourself why do you feel like that?
Why am I reacting this way?
What can I do to change how I am feeling?
What is the truth?
Look at your reactions, then figure out your triggers, to understand your meaning and definition from the experiences you have experienced in your life.
You can listen to that here.
Ask yourself why do you feel like that?
Why am I reacting this way?
What can I do to change how I am feeling?
What is the truth?
Look at your reactions, then figure out your triggers, to understand your meaning and definition from the experiences you have experienced in your life.
You can listen to that here.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Day 4 Video Challenge
Today I talk about my determination to face my fears. I share with you that I have had fears my entire life. However, my working through these fears many times were just in a way to launch in and ignore the feelings, just shoving them in the corner. I am learning and working through tools I learned recently at a conference to change my negative belief system.
Each of us have patterns of experiences that lead to a definition and a meaning that we put on it. That meaning becomes how I am reacting, and I don't like that. I want to be different! Every day we can be different, just like the Olympics, if we focus on doing something every day to be a little bit better and to improve ourselves.
I encourage you to look at your life, find one fear that you feel is out there and what is one thing you can do to change that fear?
You can listen to today's video here.
Each of us have patterns of experiences that lead to a definition and a meaning that we put on it. That meaning becomes how I am reacting, and I don't like that. I want to be different! Every day we can be different, just like the Olympics, if we focus on doing something every day to be a little bit better and to improve ourselves.
I encourage you to look at your life, find one fear that you feel is out there and what is one thing you can do to change that fear?
You can listen to today's video here.
a {love me} nugget from LiveBIG
I recounted my full LiveBIG experience to you. All my notes. All my thoughts. How I took the things I was experiencing during the conference as lessons and challenges and learning tools. As I continue to work through this information and develop my tools, I want to share with you some of the biggest nuggets I got out of the experience.
In working with Tony, Gerald and Marci, I learned much about what it means to Love You. You being yourself. For who you are. Your bright shiny side and your dark shadow side. To accept that who you are right now as perfect. You are you and nobody can be you. The experiences you have faced in your life have made you to be who you are and if you take those things away, you are no longer you. You are unique. Love you.
Some of that made sense to me. I know you aren't me. I know you haven't had my life and I know you can't live my life. But love me??? Believe I am perfect the way I am? Believe my dark side, the not so cool things about me are lovable? Unbelievable. Who would love someone with ugly stuff? I mean Jesus does, but to expect that you do? Or that I do of myself? Not a chance.
I have been ingrained to live a life of JOY = Jesus and Others and You. You are last. You are not important. You don't matter. But through this process the last month, but I know have learned that in order to truly live and love life, you have to love you. In order to have something to give you have to nourish yourself. In order to appreciate what others see in you, you have to appreciate you. You have to start with you.
But how do you love you when everything you have been taught is to hate you? That you, your heart, your desires are above all deceitful and desperately wicked? When you have been made to feel you is awful? That you should be crucified? That you is no longer worthy? That you no longer have a position in the family? That you are used goods? That you are unloveable?
You have to change and believe that God doesn't hate you and therefore you shouldn't hate you.
You have to change and believe you are worthy of love because God in his love made you worthy.
You have to change and believe that you are complete because God's love makes you complete.
You have to change and believe that you are renewed because God's love renews your spirit.
You have to change and believe you are healed because God's love is the healing power.
You have to change and believe the truth because God's love is the truth.
You have to change and believe you are perfect because God's love makes you perfect.
You have to change and believe you are loved because God's love makes you loved.
How do you understand God's love? I say its hard. The depth of God's love is beyond what we can understand when we try to with our minds. But does that mean we can't understand it to any level? Does it mean that we shouldn't accept the love we do understand because we can't make sense of ALL of God's love?
Does God expect you to be perfect before He can love you? So why do we expect ourselves to be perfect before we can love us? You are perfect because God made you that way. He took all the pain so you could be healed. He took all the scars so you could be free of the responsibility for them. How could you not love this love?
Love. Love that begins by loving yourself. Look in the mirror and say "I Love You", I really fully, deeply, unconditionally love you, who you are, radical love and self acceptance. This loves comes when we see ourselves the way God sees us. When we make it a deep abiding love in your soul, for who you are. This allows you to give love, to love unconditionally. Give love unconditionally for who you are. This is a love journey. Tell yourself that you see you for your greatness. Believe in yourself. Create moments. To share. You are brilliant. A deep brilliance. Divine. Perfect. Child of God. Gift to the world. Shine. Shine brightly. Shine fiercely. Love openly. Love courageously.
Please Note: The credit from this last paragraph goes to my coach...these are things he has told me and I have made notes. I share with you because I want you to love you! I want to love me!
In working with Tony, Gerald and Marci, I learned much about what it means to Love You. You being yourself. For who you are. Your bright shiny side and your dark shadow side. To accept that who you are right now as perfect. You are you and nobody can be you. The experiences you have faced in your life have made you to be who you are and if you take those things away, you are no longer you. You are unique. Love you.
Some of that made sense to me. I know you aren't me. I know you haven't had my life and I know you can't live my life. But love me??? Believe I am perfect the way I am? Believe my dark side, the not so cool things about me are lovable? Unbelievable. Who would love someone with ugly stuff? I mean Jesus does, but to expect that you do? Or that I do of myself? Not a chance.
I have been ingrained to live a life of JOY = Jesus and Others and You. You are last. You are not important. You don't matter. But through this process the last month, but I know have learned that in order to truly live and love life, you have to love you. In order to have something to give you have to nourish yourself. In order to appreciate what others see in you, you have to appreciate you. You have to start with you.
But how do you love you when everything you have been taught is to hate you? That you, your heart, your desires are above all deceitful and desperately wicked? When you have been made to feel you is awful? That you should be crucified? That you is no longer worthy? That you no longer have a position in the family? That you are used goods? That you are unloveable?
You have to change and believe that God doesn't hate you and therefore you shouldn't hate you.
You have to change and believe you are worthy of love because God in his love made you worthy.
You have to change and believe that you are complete because God's love makes you complete.
You have to change and believe that you are renewed because God's love renews your spirit.
You have to change and believe you are healed because God's love is the healing power.
You have to change and believe the truth because God's love is the truth.
You have to change and believe you are perfect because God's love makes you perfect.
You have to change and believe you are loved because God's love makes you loved.
How do you understand God's love? I say its hard. The depth of God's love is beyond what we can understand when we try to with our minds. But does that mean we can't understand it to any level? Does it mean that we shouldn't accept the love we do understand because we can't make sense of ALL of God's love?
Does God expect you to be perfect before He can love you? So why do we expect ourselves to be perfect before we can love us? You are perfect because God made you that way. He took all the pain so you could be healed. He took all the scars so you could be free of the responsibility for them. How could you not love this love?
Love. Love that begins by loving yourself. Look in the mirror and say "I Love You", I really fully, deeply, unconditionally love you, who you are, radical love and self acceptance. This loves comes when we see ourselves the way God sees us. When we make it a deep abiding love in your soul, for who you are. This allows you to give love, to love unconditionally. Give love unconditionally for who you are. This is a love journey. Tell yourself that you see you for your greatness. Believe in yourself. Create moments. To share. You are brilliant. A deep brilliance. Divine. Perfect. Child of God. Gift to the world. Shine. Shine brightly. Shine fiercely. Love openly. Love courageously.
Please Note: The credit from this last paragraph goes to my coach...these are things he has told me and I have made notes. I share with you because I want you to love you! I want to love me!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Day 3 Video Challenge
Here we go...Day 3 of my Video Challenge.
I share today that we all have fears and many times we ask ourselves questions like "What If?". Many times we spend so much time thinking about the "What If's" that if we think we will encounter if we try to face our fears vs what would happen if we just launched into it without thinking. We just might get to experience something different! [Like Frito Pie.] I share how I am working on inviting myself to join you, dropping over to your place, enjoying my friendship with you because you are my friend. I love to be with my friends, but actually initiating this is hard for me. I am facing my fears and doing what is uncomfortable and today I share with you current ways I am living down my fears on this courageous journey.
You can watch today's video here.
I share today that we all have fears and many times we ask ourselves questions like "What If?". Many times we spend so much time thinking about the "What If's" that if we think we will encounter if we try to face our fears vs what would happen if we just launched into it without thinking. We just might get to experience something different! [Like Frito Pie.] I share how I am working on inviting myself to join you, dropping over to your place, enjoying my friendship with you because you are my friend. I love to be with my friends, but actually initiating this is hard for me. I am facing my fears and doing what is uncomfortable and today I share with you current ways I am living down my fears on this courageous journey.
You can watch today's video here.
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