bank experience

Because of my love for accuracy and working with numbers and in accounting, whenever I do a garage sale, my friends always make me in charge of the money box. We always balance...or we are over because someone forgot to write a purchase down when we all handle the mad rush of people.  I haven't ever been short, but I know there are people that have had that experience.  Such was the case this past weekend.  We were $3 over.  I distributed the money to those who did the sale with me and then took out mine.  It all balanced, completely!  

Tonight, I went to the drive through bank and asked for a deposit slip. As is always my practice before I deposit funds, I count it again.  What I put on the form was exactly what I balanced to and what I had calculated this weekend and I filled out the slip. I sent my hard earned $134.93 [technically $84.93 as $50.00 of that was what I had drawn out to make change] thru the drive up teller lane. When the teller received my funds and counted them, she then told me that I didn't have what I wrote on the deposit slip, it was $11.00 short. At this point, I got mad.  I told her that I had balanced it at home as I had a garage sale this past weekend and had counted it twice before filling out the form and I had the same number.  I asked her to send it back to me to recount. Sure enough, it now was $11.00 short. I was floored!!!  How do you think you can get away with this? You can't. God saw you!  I called her out on it. I told her that it didn't match what I had and her response was "What do you want me to do? The only thing I can do is recount my drawer."  The problem with this is the money does not go into your drawer until you have balanced my transaction.  She then asked if I knew how much I had of each number.  I said yes I do, that is all at home on my paperwork.  I know she didn't believe me.  

I was angry.  Very angry.  It made me feel very sick.  To have worked this hard and loose $11.00 all because someone thought it was funny, was mean, downright mean.  I should have gone inside [though the Lobby was now closed]. I should not have trusted people are honest. God knows she evidently needed the $11.00 more than I did, but this stings and yes, I am angry at people who do fraud! I know I normally do not vent like this, but now you can see that I truly do have times that I do get angry.

I then texted my friend Debbie about the situation.  She had done the garage sale with me and I couldn't believe it and just wanted to share what happened.  Debbie wanted to give me $11.00.  That isn't why I texted her...I wouldn't think that just because she did the garage sale with me that means we need to split this loss.  Really?  I can make another $11.00...God will provide.  The $11.00 is not what hurts.  Don't get me wrong, I am not into making my hard earned money just to throw it away, Why was I angry?  Why can't I just feel compassion about someone taking their struggles out on me?  Someone out to create pain and hurt in my life?  I simply am angry at how cruel people can be.  Careless.  Without feeling.  Making you the "bad guy", the one trying to cheat the bank out on their funds when in reality that was not the case.  This is what makes me angry!

Once I got home, I prayed that God help me to know how to handle this because I believe the branch manager needs to know the details.  I will find my garage sale paper with our sales and total made along with the breakdown of how many $20's, $10's, $5's, $1's, $0.25's, $0.10's, and $0.01's.  Doesn't mean that it will end in my favor, but I think they need to know that I don't accept fraud and will do business with banks and people that expect excellence.  As a customer of their's, this should mean something to them.  I don't expect it to mean something to them, as I have had other issues previously.  I also want to learn what I need to from this.  I know I keenly struggle with feeling fought against all the time.  I don't want things like this to make me angry.  I want to be that loving person in spite of the way I am treated...Always.

hoping to sell my land

In 2004, Lori told me about some land just around the corner from their house that was for sale.  I went and looked and ended up buying two pieces with the plan to build a new home for myself.  I had rented from Jeff since September 1997 and wanted at some point to have my own place.  Then in 2007, Jennifer told me about a house they went and looked at and bid on, that was a HUD Home and in very good shape, she knew would be perfect for me if I was wanting to buy.  I went and looked, and ended up bidding and being the winning buyer of 4 bids!  I have held onto my property not knowing what life would bring and hoping to someday build.

I am still single.  I don't forsee my life changing in that regards.  I absolutely love where I live.  I love living in town and being 5 minutes from the freeway.  Since I get to work from home 50% of the time and travel 50% of the time, I see no sense in adding 30-40 more minutes to my travel time to and from the freeway.  I am not a country girl.  I don't like to mow grass.  Therefore, I have decided that life has changed and it is time, if possible, to find a buyer for my land and sell.  The goal, to get enough out of both pieces to pay off my house.  We shall see if that is doable and possible in this economy.  Please pray for me that I may find an appropriate buyer and if it can work out, that I can sell and condense what I own.  

If you are looking to own land in Texas, give me a call!

Quotes

Look back in forgiveness, forward in hope, down in compassion and up with gratitude.
- Zig Ziglar

verse to reflect on...

And if you search for Him with all your heart and soul, you will find him.
- Deuteronomy 4:29b, NLT

garage sale efforts #2

I did a garage sale yesterday and today with my friend Debbie.  I have done several sales at my house and this one was by far the slowest one ever!!!  The goal was to sell out on my leftovers from the sale I did in Pecan Plantation a month ago with Shelley.  No such luck, but it was a good attempt!  I made $84, Debbie did $285 and my neighbor across the street did $61.  In reality, it isn't too shabby when you combine the 4 things Debbie has sold for me on eBay and the funds I made in one day in Pecan Plantation.  $914!  

Sweet is right!  My goal to simplify my belongings is paying off...all going towards an extra house payment.  One dollar at a time.

Enjoyed the time with my friend Debbie and the conversations, sharing of our faith with the people who came to shop and several who shared theirs with us that got the conversation started!  So fun to meet other like minded Christians who believe in God, trust God, and want God apart of their life!!! Yup...the time was good.

get service video

I saw this video some time ago...and it still is one of my favorites.  Why?  Because we all can be in our own world, unaware of the things other people are facing in their lives, thinking we are the only ones with hurt and pain, suffering, difficulties, trials, heartache, sadness, loss, grief, etc.

Take a minute to review this 7 minute video on Get Service and see if you don't see life from a new lens too!

a gift from a friend...

I got home from my trip to Utopia Day 1, Utopia Day 2, and the special event with Jennifer to a package sitting on my front porch from one of my dear friends, Janelle.  It was a gift and came with this message on the inside of the package:

note from Janelle

This is what she got me:

a sign I wanted...

I love that sign!!! You may or may not remember a post in which I mentioned if I knew where I could get one made just like this, I would.  Janelle evidently paid attention to that wish of mine and she did just that!  She got it as a gift just for me!  Wow!!!  Talk about a special gift that means a bunch to me.  I love this verse!  It is my desire to be that to you, my friend, encourage you in this Courageous Journey!

where I hung it in the Kitchen/Dinning Room

This item will be one of those that I try to make a mad dash and grab if this place ever goes up in smoke.  Yup.  It will be a treasured piece.

love my stand in Mom's

Happy MOTHERS Day to all the stand in Mom's in my life!  Each of you have a special place in my heart and I Love You and Thank You for being one to me.  May God richly bless you for your efforts to show me love, true love.

light vs dark

Have you ever given much thought to the differences between Light and Dark?  They both have uses and they both have their place.  

light is white.  dark is black.

light makes things visible.  dark makes things obscured.

light gives energy.  dark brings rest.

light creates an airy feeling.  dark brings more of a closed in feeling.

light brings air.  dark brings a feeling of no air. 

light bring warmth.  dark brings coolness.

there is no argument when you walk into the room with light who has to leave...the dark can't stay in the light, not possible.

When you think of Light vs Dark, what comes to mind?  Do you have any analogies of Light vs Dark?  

As I think about the traits of both of them and how God created us to be "lights in a dark world", it is obvious that some of the characteristics of these terms can bring a strong visual image of how we are to live our lives.  Is your Light on?  Or have you turned it out?  

Go be a Light in this Dark world!

my friend Miki

Miki  & Jim

This is my friend Miki.  You have heard me talk about her in previous posts.  She is one of the ladies from my Woman's Bible Study Group.  Her and her husband had me over for Thanksgiving 2012.  They are dear Christian Friends of mine!  I thought you would want to meet her virtually.  ;)  

road blocks. detours. dead ends.

Road blocks. 

Detours. 

Dead Ends. 

Waiting for God's direction. His ways are not my ways. His plans are better than mine. His goals include more than I could imagine. 

Patience. Prayer. Faith. 
More patience. More prayer. More faith. 
More. 
I need more!

galatians 1:10

Do you think I care about the approval of men or about the approval of God? Do you think I am on a mission to please people? If I am still spinning my wheels trying to please men, then there is no way I can be a servant of the Anointed One, the Liberating King. 
- Galatians 1:10 [The Voice]

what a smile means to me

The smile on my face doesn't mean my life is perfect. It just means that I appreciate what I have and what God has blessed me with. 
- Cheyenne Roy

decision to move forward with Professional Counseling

After the situation that transpired with a client in March and the effects that it has had on me, and effects that continued longer then I expected to have to deal with them, I felt it best to get Professional Counseling.  I have been opposed to this for many reasons, first, it has not been something that was encouraged or deemed appropriate by The Assembly and therefore I never considered it.  Second, I have felt that I have done really well to work through much of what I experienced in my life as a child and really didn't want to deal with pulling out stuff in the closets, digging through the trash, debriding a wound, or think further on the stuff.  However, I have had a hard time pulling myself out of this this round and felt maybe it is time to move forward with more growth.  Though to do so will be work, cause pain, bring more pruning, and have a ripple effect, it just might be time.  I have been told over the years by doctors, two clients, and previous coworkers that I should consider and really need professional counseling.  I fought it.  I now am listening.

I have interviewed and met with three female Christian Counselors.  I liked each one of them.  The first one was $150 a session, the same cost as my business attorney charges me for an hour of her time.  Ouch.  I simply can't afford that even if you have lots of experience with abuse.  The second one was 75-90 minutes one way from my house which means that I am looking at 4 hours out of my day to go for counseling.  She had a sliding scale and would have charged me $50 a session, much more reasonable.  However, I don't have that kind of time to spend just traveling on the road, especially since at this time, I don't have clients in the geographical area of her location and therefore its way majorly out of my way.  The third one I met with is located in my town and the cost is $45 a session.  The drawback is that she due in less than a month to have her baby and will be taking some time off, but felt we could get in at least two sessions before her time off.  I opted to get started with her and do whatever sessions I could with her.

My homework was to make a list of things that I don't like from this experience and how I am feeling about counseling.

List of Things that I Don't Like from this Experience:

• lack of motivation to do anything
• frequent tears/emotion
• nightmares/flashbacks/memories
• no desire to work (and I believe I am a workaholic)
• not hungry/don't care to eat
• that I can't shake this funk I am in
• that after all these years, something like this can turn my world upside down
• reading my Bible/Praying doesn't seem to bring peace or comfort
• don't want to have to deal with this
• don't understand why God allowed this
• feelings of hatred and despising men again
• feel cornered and boxed in with no options
• the plan to do counseling makes me nervous and apprehensive

Well, that plan is not going to work.  I showed up this morning for my first session having completed my homework assignment and learned she had gone into the hospital.  Don't get me wrong, she has to take care of herself and the baby and this is the most important thing, but I left there in tears.  I was frustrated.  It seems that after 3 attempts, this plan to get Professional Counseling is not working.  

Is this not what God wants for me?  Does he have someone else who would be a better fit?  How long am I supposed to wait for an answer?  What am I supposed to think of all this?  I don't know the answers, but I know I had a God Moment right after that.  I got this from a friend before I had even made it back to my car [and she had no clue what I was going through at that moment when she sent it...she was just being a messenger of God]:

Thinking of you this morning and I'm praying you'll have a great week. Love you!

Wow!  He knew that I needed it and he sent a friend at the right time to encourage me.  God has a plan, I must wait and be patient.

Quotes

1st Texas Ranger Game

Michelle & I

Bucket List Checkoff: 

1st ever LIVE Texas Rangers Game in the stands with Michelle and her boss, Dave, and his wife Carol.  We had absolutely lovely weather to enjoy it!  

[To clarify, I have been to The Ballpark in Arlington when the Texas Rangers have been playing for a networking event held in the suites, but never to just see the game.]  

Oh, let me not forget, we won!!!

my view to the field

[romans 8:18]

keep walking

When you are walking through a valley & you do not feel the presence of God - keep walking. 
When you feel like giving up - keep walking. 
When it hurts - keep walking. 
For the God of the mountains is still your God in the valley's - keep walking. 
- Dr. Tony Evans 

Quotes

Worrying is using your imagination to create things you don't want.
 - unknown

[romans 5:8]

I spent a quiet morning at home today preparing for my day, before heading out for a first time experience of Sunday School, enjoying the overcast sky, the cool air after my morning walk, the lack of having to hurry out the door, praying, asking God to be with me, particularly as I continue to work through a bunch of thoughts and feelings in my heart and mind right now that are overflowing with memories and issues from my childhood since this incident with a client.  Things that are making every day life hard.  Things that I thought I had resolved and dealt with, coming back to haunt me.  Things that have created nightmares, flashbacks and heartache.  Things I would rather run from then have to face.  Things that are making me an emotional mess, which is not me, I am not a crier...but I am right now, tears brim over my eyelids and stream down my face and I fight to be able to say anything.

I have created a list on Facebook of spiritual pages, ministries, and bible companies I follow so that I can just read them as a news feed spending time with God alone in this way so that I will not see anything by my friends, networking connections, companies or pages I like.  I created this so that when I want to spend some time with God, besides His Word, I can have Facebook with Jesus or Jesus Time on Facebook [whichever way you prefer it said].  As I was reading and sorting through the things I was seeing in my news feed, this above image was posted.  It grabbed me.  It made my heart stop and Thank God for once again, being there for me, in my darkest.  The darkest parts of my life that I face when others turn away.  When people don't understand what I am facing.  When people assume you just need to "move on" or "get over it".  When people say hurtful things.  When the pain is just overwhelming.  When nothing seems to bring comfort.  When things that were once sunny get overcast, turn dark, gloomy, even rain and bring storms, God loves me.  He LOVES me!  

He loves me during this really hard time.  He knows my thoughts.  He knows what is hurting.  He knows my past.  He knows why all this is hard.  He knows that it has turned my world upside down and made it dark.  He cares, beyond it all.

Even in my darkest moment in life, He loves me!  He is the light in my dark.

Gma Potter is in heaven!

Mary Ellen Potter
1913 - 2013

This lady is a very special lady.  She had a huge heart, an awesome chuckle, a smile just for you and made you feel really special!  We adopted her as our "granma" growing up.  She introduced to Granma's Cobler - a cherry pie filling topped with a white cake mix, bits of butter and nuts (other varieties were created, but this was the original).  When she moved from California to Virginia, I wrote her every week, without fail.  It was a highlight in my life...and in hers too.  It started as a task assigned by my Mom to encourage someone else and to be a weekly duty to "keep me out of trouble" but turned into something that was heartfelt.  You will be missed my friend!