People Will...Jesus Won't

When people give up on you: Jesus Won't 

When people misunderstand you: Jesus Won't 

When people blame you: Jesus Won't 

When people insult you: Jesus Won't 

When people leave you: Jesus Won't

When people will not forgive you: Jesus Will

Quotes

God is the Artist

Welcome to Texas!!!
Love my early morning walks...
with my God, prayer, worship music and the scenery.

Quotes

A smile is the prettiest thing you can wear.

Colorado Trip ~ visit w/friends

Tom, Deborah and Misty

Colorado Trip ~ visit w/family

a short visit with my Uncle Shawn & Aunt Connie
[for those that don't know, my Aunt is my Mom's Sister]

my friend Gail

I want to tell you about My Friend Gail.

After the wedding was over, I headed straight to the Marina where the Wedding Reception was to be held.  I wandered around, taking pictures, checking the place out, praising God for being able to come support my friend, yet feeling lost because I knew nobody but the Bride.  I was content to hang by myself, but being around people who mostly knew each other and being the outcast of the group [in more ways than one], I knew I was being watched and that creates a funny feeling in me.

I finally decided to try to find stuff to do to be helpful.  Initially I was just wandering around the area, looking for things to pickup, straighten and th elike.  I finally went and asked a lady [who ended up being Gail] what I could do to help.  She directed me to someone else.  This lady couldn't think of anything I could do.  I ended up just standing near so that I could be put to work.  I helped with arranging tables.  Putting ribbon on the cake tiered plate.  Arranging bright orange carnations between the cupcakes.  Moving stuff from one table to another when they needed that table for the sound system.  When all the tasks were done, I went and sat on the wall, out of site, near the edge of the covered pavilion.  

It was while I was sitting here that Gail came and joined me.  We made small talk.  It didn't take three minutes and we were talking about God, and no, I didn't start it.  She did.  She then introduced me to the Brides Mother.  We all chatted for a bit and then we split up.  

I stayed where I was and Gail joined me again in a bit.  I asked her if she wanted to pick a spot to sit.  She agreed.  We started visiting again about God while we were waiting for things to get on a roll.  In trying to learn about my new friend, I do what I always do.  I ask questions.  

Where do you live?  Are you married?  Do you have kids?  

I learned she lived in Estes Park.  She did the flowers for the wedding, to which when she learned I love working with flowers and have done several weddings myself, she wished I had been helping her.  Without realizing it, I asked loaded questions.  She was on her second marriage and her husband wants out.  She doesn't.  She was wearing sunglasses, but couldn't keep the tears back that spilled down her cheeks.  I told her I was sorry.  Truly sorry.  Tears spilled down mine too.  We got the strangest looks from people for sitting at a table all by ourselves and crying like fools at a wedding, for crying out loud!  I again apologized for asking such general questions that were hitting a tough spot in her life, something that was hurting, something that she may not have wanted to share with me, a total stranger.  She said no.  I said, yes Gail, I didn't mean to dig into your life to cause pain.  She said no.  I asked if today [the day of the wedding] was hard for her in light of her circumstances.  She said no, it is good for me.  It has reminded me of the vow's I made to my husband. I still mean them. I still want them. I still love him.  She shared how she has approached this lady, whose friendship and business partnership, though simply just that, has come between her and her husband.  In her attempt to try to find a way to mend the relationship and to try to resolve things, she didn't just do this once, she did it twice.  Nothing has changed.  

Wow!  I thought I was nervy.  I thought I had courage.  I thought I have faced some hard stuff?  This chic was not going to go down easy.

We then got in line to eat.  Our conversation continued and she now asked me some questions. I answered all of them.  She learned my story in an abridged five sentence version.  If we had been back at the table, not sandwiched between guys in line, I might have shared more, but I couldn't.  Not there.  

When we got back to the table and our conversation continued the entire time we sat there, we were never at a loss for something to talk about.  She told me more of her story.  She let me know that she needed this.  She recommended books to me.  We became instant friends.  I asked if she was on Facebook [because you know how addicted I am to it and absolutely love to connect with every person I meet].  She asked for my phone number.  We promised to stay in touch.  She then felt it was time for her to go and we hugged and parted ways.

She hadn't been gone 30 minutes when I regretted that I didn't get my picture with her, my friend. I texted her telling her so.  The sweet lady who sought me out because I was sitting alone, yet, it was me she needed to talk to.  It was me she needed to share her story with.  

Why did God have us meet?  I don't yet know, but I know this very much, he wanted us to!  I pray that I encouraged her, in some small way, even if I can't relate to her struggle in marriage, not having a man of my own, I can relate to pain. I can relate to hurt. I can relate to intense struggles. I can relate to the fight to survive for life.  I can relate to God becoming your everything, completely your every living breathing waking existing life motivating substance.

Josh & Elli's Wedding

my girlfriend, Elli & I on her special day!

Josh [in his United States Army Uniform to be deployed in October] with his Bride

the elated married couple...

The Bride & Groom's Dance

The Wedding Guest Book
we signed our names, wrote a note, highlighted a verse...here is mine!

the cake [on top] with cupcakes

the Marina [where the reception was held]

The Bridal Party

two families...no sides
[I have seen this before, but in light of my girlfriends family dynamics, I found this message powerful]

they are married!!!

Josh prayed with Elli before the end of the ceremony [really cool prayer!]

The Bridesmaids

The Groomsmen

sharing vows

here comes the Bride!!!

excited flower girl

flower girl & ring bearer...throwing petals all the way down the isle

isle decorations

the wedding site...a field in Estes Park, Colorado
[wish I had gotten a picture with Gail, my new friend, the lady sitting
on the far right 2nd to last row]

thoughts on sharing My Story

Dear Blogging Friends,

You have found my blog and follow for whatever reason.  Whether you are an avid follower or a once a year reader, you read what you read.

You may be intrigued, you want to know me better, you may have known me as a little girl, you may have met me through a client, you may have worked with me in the past when I was an employee somewhere, you may have met me at a networking group, you may have stumbled upon my blog by a google search or a link someone shared, you may be one of my close friends, I may or may not know you, but whatever the reason, I pray that you are encouraged by what I share or post and that your life is blessed and made a tad bit sweeter even if just in one small nugget as our paths have crossed.

I have shared that I don't write for a following...I actually don't know who subscribes and who doesn't.  Yes, there is a list at right of who "follows" but that doesn't mean that these people really do any more than I really follow all the blogs that I have listed at the right of ones that have intrigued me at one point or another in time and that I added to the list.  Even if I could know who follows my blog, I don't believe that I would want to know.  I don't want to be concerned with what you are thinking or how what I write would affect you.  I don't write to get your approval.  I don't write to be famous or well known.  I write, simply because I enjoy sharing thoughts, nuggets and bits of things to encourage each of us on this Courageous Journey, even if it is only God who cares!

If it is not a Courageous Journey to you, I hope at some point it becomes that.

In writing, I know that my blog has evolved since it started several years ago.  I know that what I have shared has affected friendships at times in various ways.  It has made some people sad it has made some people elated.  Each part of my Courageous Journey has good times and bad times.  I am being developed this year personally in a way that only God knows the outcome, but I assure you I feel his touch, I see his hand, I don't understand his ways, but I trust his plan!

In sharing My Story about what I have faced in life, specifically in my childhood, about the extreme difficulties I have had to work to overcome [and in reality continue to work at overcoming], about the challenges life has presented me...I have realized that I need to share more with you, I must be specific and call things what they were and what they are. 

This boldness has brought about some difficulties in friendships, people who can't handle the information, people who have changed after learning more of My Story, people who can't believe I have been through what I have been through, people who can't deal with the feelings of being uncomfortable by the details and can't take what I have written, people who wish they could have done something to prevent it, and more.

In some ways, I was unprepared for this.  In some ways, it has only added to hurt.  The relationships that have backed away have only made me experience, yet again, being abandoned. 

I understand, but the sting is there.

Today, I want you to know something very clearly:  I do not write to make you feel bad.  I do not write to hurt your feelings about stuff you did or didn't know was transpiring in my childhood.  I do not write to make it difficult for you. I do not write to get you to share what you don't want to share or can't share.

I appreciate that you care and have concern for me.  It means bunches to me that you wish you could change my childhood just as much as I wish I could have.  More than anything, I wish I could have seen, felt and believed God was with me through all the pain, difficulty, and ugliness that transpired for years and years by parents who were religious and stated they had faith in God. 

Please don't feel bad.  Please don't feel "if only", "I should have", "I wish".  I understand those feelings.  But remember this:  God planned this exactly how he wanted my life to be.  The complete pain, difficulty, and ugliness!!!  He is soverign and he wanted this for my good, because his work in me is for good.

With sincere heartfelt appreciation for letting me share My Story with YOU,

your Courageous Journey Friend

Quotes

song ~ my one and only

My One and Only
Rachael Lampa

I'm flying high in your arms tonight
Passing the satellites, the earth is fading fast
Don't care where we go, let's make it last
Facing up to the speed of light, with time at our backs

I'm right here next to you and feeling so fearless now
We can do anything, nothing can hold us down
You rescued me from the weight of the world and I want you to know

You are my one and only
You're not like the rest, I know that you've got my back
You are, you are
You are my one and only
Right from the start, you saved my damaged heart
You are, you are, you're the one and only, only, only

Every time that I see you smile
It's like all of the universe is dancing in your eyes
A new star is born so let's make a wish
Let's put on a show tonight and light up the sky

I'm right here next to you and feeling so fearless now
We can do anything, nothing can hold us down
You rescued me from the weight of the world and I want you to know

You are my one and only
You're not like the rest, I know that you've got my back
You are, you are
You are my one and only
Right from the start, you saved my damaged heart
And you are, you are
My one and only yea, my one and only yeah, my one and only yea yea
My one and only yea, my one and only yeah, my one and only yea yea

My love will last forever, that's right I said forever
It's all because you made my heart believe
It's something powerful, so indestructible
It will live for eternity

You are my one and only
You're not like the rest, I know that you've got my back
You are, you are
You are my one and only
Right from the start, you saved my damaged heart
And you are, you are my one and only
My one and only yea, my one and only yeah,
My one and only
My one and only yea, my one and only yeah
My one and only

Counseling Session #13

I have had nearly a two week break in counseling.  Is that possible?  The calendar says it is.  It doesn't feel like it.

Not sure what we accomplished today.  In some ways it was a "lite day".  

I shared with her how amazed I am at how God works.  I could not have done my Life Plan Coaching with Chris LoCurto if I had not started counseling June 3rd.  Not a chance. I would not have been ready to delve into "me" the way we needed to to be effective and profitable of the time.  I am not going to tell you that that was an easy process, but I will tell you I would do it again in a heartbeat, as costly as it was.  I don't spend money quickly or easily, especially on myself.

Reviewed the sibling drama from my vacation.  She asked to read the text messages.  She could not finish them.  She said Misty, this is just too much.  Do you realize this?  Do you see the manipulation?  The control?  Clearly?  I told her I did...

And then I walk away and wonder how I put up with this if she can't even read it?  

I showed her the postcard sent to me and my sister by Mom in care of a local minister from The Assembly, who then mailed to me...letting me know the house next door was for sale if I/we wanted to move home.  [I shredded it when I got home.]

Ugh.  No.  That is not home.  I have a home...a nice home...a place that is called home and feels like home more than my childhood ever did.

I thought I had provided her copies of my Dad's letter and my letter...regardless, she got copies today.  I can tell she had thoughts but she didn't share them, which I know means discussion is coming later.

We will resume my story next week.

Quotes

competence precedes confidence
- Dr Walid Saade

Quotes

Day 5 in Franklin

The detailed plan for today was NONE.  The agenda was to become refreshed.  To refocus on becoming aligned within my Spirit from the work done the last two days.

I slept in...late, very late, later than I dreamed imaginable. Long past morning time for breakfast, or even a late breakfast.  I woke up still feeling exhausted, feeling the need to write what was on my heart and share my Day 2 of Coaching, but between the internet or blogger, or both, I couldn't seem to achieve it.  I finally decided to call it quits and go and tour Downtown Franklin.  

In getting ready, I quickly realized how starved I absolutely was.  It is really not good for me to go that long without food and if I don't fix it fast, I pay consequences for hours.  I remembered I had my leftover squid salad in the refrig in my room...but no spoon or fork. Searching around to see if I could possibly locate something to use, I got creative and used the two stir sticks in the room to be used for coffee as my wimpy chopsticks!  This was my breakfast...and it was delicious!!! and it was very soon that I was feeling much better.

In the midst, of this I had to deal with sibling drama being hurled at me.  Accusations.  Anger.  Frustration.  Blame.  Condemnation.  Guilt.  More Guilt.  Verbal abuse.  I tried to respond kindly and ask for space, but the response was only more of the same.  I felt my world changing, my day being torn apart, and once again and I knew this was not healthy for me.  

I needed space.  I needed quiet.  Why wasn't no good enough?  Because I wasn't making it be good enough.  You will give me space.  You will let me unplug from my computer, my phone, people, life, to do my coaching and spend time reflecting.  You will not control me.  You won't instill your negative thinking on me, however I will choose to be positive in spite of the things you are saying.  I realize what you are doing is not being loving towards me.  I can't and won't meet your expectations.  You will be kind.  You will be respectful.  I will not let you talk to me like this.  

Reminders from my coaching came through as I tried to deal with this: 

An abuser wants to control you...wants to break down the Misty that doesn't love her, the Misty that will beat herself down, the Misty that isn't able to receive compliments, the Misty that doesn't feel good enough... 

An abusers goal is to wear you down emotionally so you give in.

My sibling was succeeding.  I was frustrated.  The boundaries need to be set.  When was I going to change?  Now.  Right now.  I said it, it wasn't received, I hung up.  

Dear God!  I need your love.  I need your strength.  I need you to help me keep the vision.  I need you to show me my purpose.  I need to remember to fight the lies with truth.

Lyrics from some of my favorite songs pounded my heart.  My head.  The depths of my soul.  They bring life in the midst of fears.  Pain.  Chaos.

Not knowing what I wanted to do with my day, I decided to wander in my car and tour some housing districts.  I found some really cute places that I took pictures of.  From there I found a place to park for 4 hours for free and I meandered the shops on Main Street in Downtown Franklin.  I shopped two blocks of shops, both sides of the street and got two really cute items to add to my casa back in Burleson.  One of the shops that I spent a lot of time in was called The Iron Gate.  Love the decor of this place!!! A little bit of shabby chic, a little bit of modern, a little bit of classic, a little bit of french grey, and a fair amount of vintage.  What style is this I asked the shop owners?  They stated that it doesn't have a theme or name that they are aware of, its a mix.  And the mix is gorgeous!!!  I got the sign at one of the first few shops that I went in, called HeyDay.  They had cute gifts, candles, pictures, household decor, books, etc.  I loved the message on this sign and felt it would be a good reminder for me from the time spent in my Life Plan Coaching and the rest of my week spent in Franklin.  The very last shop I went in was called Philanthropy.  The experience I had in this shop was absolutely amazing!!! I will be doing a full post on this alone because it was unbelieveable and what this shop is doing is downright incredible.

From there I ate at a place called Gray's, it had just opened a few weeks ago and was getting great reviews.  It is expected to excel very quickly because of the service, the food, the uniqueness of the place.  I think I may have to go back for lunch tomorrow!

Gray's - Downtown Franklin

purchases downtown Franklin

two items to remember this part of my journey...not the best lighting here in the hotel,
I will have to show you what they look like in my cool house!

I got this pillow at HeyDay at the Historical District in Franklin, TN today while I strolled through the shops...

Pillow: Thank you God for blessing me more than I deserve

I got this sign at Philanthropy, a store of Fashion and Compassion.  

Everything changed the day they figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in life.

I could have spent hours in here.  They have an incredible mission...little words here and there, a place for you to write your prayers out for people to pray for you.  Wow!!!  I am amazed at how God works.  This shop was right where I parked three hours previously, but was the last one I went into before closing.  An accident???  No way!!!

Day 4 in Franklin

We were to begin Day 2 at 8.30am.  I arrived for Day 2, 15 minutes late.  I was struggling with lots of thoughts and feelings from the 1st Day of coaching and dragging physically from mental and emotional exhaustion.  Never having experienced something like this before, I had no expectations...even vaguely.

We chatted a bit at the kitchen bar over stuff.  Chris was amazed at the comments on my Facebook post, the number of supporters, the number of people who were praying for my time, the number of people who are involved in my life.  We reviewed them together.  We enjoyed a cup of French Press coffee and then headed back to the theatre room for the second part.

Before we began, Chris prayed for our time, prayed for him to help me, for me to learn what I needed to, praised God for his part in our lives and the love he has for each of us, and more.

We then launched in and reviewed the nuggets of things that impacted me, along with the lessons I learned from the day before.


Module 6
We created and reviewed a list of the Talent Heart Assessment.  What are your:

• passions
• needs
• drives
• obsessions
• characteristics
• qualities
• yearnings
• hopes (or expectations)
• accomplishments

What is the message from these?
For Me:  My focus is to be generous and encouraging.  I'm driven to be different then my family.  I love turning chaos into clarity.  I desire a deeper relationship with God.  I have a drive to be generous and encouraging to make a difference in the lives of every person my life touches.


Module 7
We reviewed Thinking Wave Links:
In a Scale of 1-10, we rated how I relate to what feels the most comfortable to me with:

• Risk
• Change
• Variables
• Process
• Ambiguity
• Opportunity

1 being the least Risk and 10 being the most Risk.  You add these numbers up, divide them by 6 and then you are placed on a chart.  The chart has 5 categories:  Grinders, Minders, Keepers, Finders and Conceivers. This scale is done both personally and then in business.  You can't be off more than two points or you will crash and burn within 18 months if you stay there.  This was an intriguing exercise to me. 

For Me:  I am happy doing what I do, with some change, knocking things out, establishing processes.  I don't have to try to do new things, but enjoy some variety, but would burn out if my routine was exactly the same for 40 years.  I handle a lot of information and tasks, am happy to be alone, but really like having teams to work with.  I understand the need to lead and can do it well, but am not a natural born leader.


Module 8
We reviewed Internal Wiring:
What are your drivers vs what are your comfort zones?


Module 9
We created and reviewed My Replenishment Cycle:
When you are replenished, you are strong, face fears, you can do anything.  When you aren't replenished, you are worn down, tired, everything becomes difficult to do.

For Me:  

• Alone Time/Pool Time
• Prayer
• Blogging
• Sleep
• Goals
• Vacation

Module 10

We created and reviewed My Core Values:

Core Values are the things that you use to make decisions and filters.

For Me:

• God
• Love
• Excellence
• Strength
• Discipline
• Meaning

[These can change as your life changes].


Module 11

We brainstormed and made a list of nouns and verbs of items that "I exist because/to":

These things make My Life Purpose (why I exist).  

For Me: I exist to fulfill God's purpose by love, generosity, and encouragement.

These things create My Life Vision (where I am headed).  

For Me:  I'll be focused on God and impacting others with my story.

These things are My Life Strategies (how I will get there).  

For Me:  I will accept my story.  I will understand what and why to my story.  I will learn to share my story.  I will create a new belief system.  I will overwrite lies with truth.  I will have a deeper focus on God.  I will write a book.  

From this list, we made a list of things that fuel me (give me energy, keep me going, make me thrive) and things that are brake pedals (things that disable you completely, make you stop or shut you down, and thus create utter difficulty to move forward).  The goal is to increase the gas pedal and manage the brake.  The brake list is something you want to stay off of.  

This exercise was an incredible one for me!  Very eye opening.


Module 12

We then made a Life Perspective Filter:

This list contained a list of: What needs Action?  We took my list of 16 things and made it into 4.


Module 13

We then created a W.I.N.'s Wheel (What's Important Now):

This was made in the Life Domains:  Personal, Family, Career, Church and Community.


Module 14

We then created a Life Initiatives Profile:

What are the keys, objectives, next steps, start date and today's status of them [red, yellow or green].

For Me:  We found that I have a Big Time Life Change! Yet none of these changes are that difficult.


Module 15

We then created a Life Plan Accountability.  The list consists of:

• Partner(s) = people who can handle all the information, all the details, keep you accountable, people who are smart, value you, and are willing to be that support to you
• Mentor(s) = people who pour wisdom into you
• Friend(s) = people who you like to be around that can be a friend to you [but are not considered partners and whom you may not share the same level of details with]
• Protege(s) = people you pour into

Module 16

We created and reviewed specific Life Plan Learning's from my coaching session.  I had a list of 15 items.

I had 7 pages of notes from today's session.  There is a lot to absorb and work through both personally and in business.  I am someone who is a deep processor and Chris stated it will take time for me to put all this into perspective.

At the end of the session, I got to do a Video Testimonial for Chris with Melissa, his assistant. This will be used on his website soon along with other people who have done the LifePlan.  Chris invited me to stay for dinner and be apart of the shoot, which was really fun!!!  Chris made the yummiest Salmon and Kale Salad along with a Cab Wine.  I got to hang out with some of Chris' team and have a good conversation with Debbie, Chris' wife that I also met at EntreLeadership in 2009, out on the patio later!  I will share this in another post later.

I was the last one to leave at 9.30pm!  Before I left, I asked Chris a few more questions and we reviewed a few key points.  I then asked him to pray with me and Debbie before I headed out.

Love how God worked out all the details of these two days.  Loved seeing Him through this process.  He is amazing!!!

song~ all for you

All for You - Tye Tribbett

(It's all for You)
Woo
(It's all for You)
Woo, yeah
It's all for You

I've the seen the world
None of it compares to You
I can't deny it, without You
I won't make it through, through

'Cause I see You, You see me
More than what these people see
You looked at the worst in me
And still loved me, still love me

You can change the night to day
Make my problems fade away
Fixed the mess that I have made
(All for You)


CHORUS:
What can I say, what can I do
To show You that I'm all for You?
There's nothing to hide, there's nothing to prove
To show You that I'm all for You
I'm all for You
I'm all for You

I've spoken many words
They've sounded so absurd
To think I gave You part of me
When all is what You're worth

And now I'm standing here
Waiting to face all my fears
To show You I belong to You and nothing else compares

I see You, You see me
More than what these people see
You looked at the worst in me
And still loved me, still love me

You can change the night to day
Make my problems fade away
Fixed the mess that I have made


CHORUS:
What can I say, what can I do
To show You that I'm all for You?
There's nothing to hide, there's nothing to prove
To show You that I'm all for You
I'm all for You, I'm all for You

I know You in the dark
When my heart is blind and searching
Rip me all apart, then back together like a surgeon
Kinda like a single mom 'cause she was always working
Just to make the better life for me so I ain't hurting

Now I'm back to business
So first I'll be Your witness
Your loves got me tripping
[Incomprehensible...and no lyric site that I checked can make it out either :)]
Brand new life I'm living
Enjoying every minute
You gave everything for me
And now it's time I give my all for You


CHORUS:
What can I say, what can I do
To show You that I'm all for You?
There's nothing to hide, there's nothing to prove
To show You that I'm all for You
I'm all for You, I'm all for You
I'm all for You
It's all for You

Tony Evans: a woman who fears the Lord

A woman who fears the Lord will receive the praise that is due her. Her works and the products of her hands will give her the recognition and validation that is hers alone. When a woman understands who she is and how God made her – when she pursues her destiny in light of how God created her to function – what she does will produce remarkable results. This is because it will be in line with God’s will. What too many women frequently do is base their decisions on trying to please others, or trying to earn acceptance, appreciation, or a sense of worth from their decisions, looks or actions. Yet God never said that you would receive praise for trying to please others. He said that a woman who fears Him would receive the praise that is due her.

The basis of how a kingdom woman functions stems out of her fear of God. How she prioritizes her home and family, organizes her life, makes decisions, chooses investments, and develops her skills all arise from her efforts to promote the good of those around her and advance God’s kingdom. If it is rooted in anything else, it will lead to weariness and busyness rather than fruitfulness and abundance.

- Tony Evans

Day 3 in Franklin

Today was the day for my first session of Life Plan Coaching with Chris LoCurto.

I left the hotel at 7.30am, and arrived a few minutes before 8am, the time I was supposed to be there.  The drive was gorgeous   Chris fixed me breakfast, chorizo eggs and coffee.  Chris then prayed over breakfast.  He said:  "You God, knew thousands of years ago that Misty would be here today on her journey.  We praise you for your part in our lives.  Help us to know it's all about God's love.  Grace.  Mercy."

I wish I had been taking notes when he prayed...he said more...God heard.  My heart was touched.  I wish I could remember the prayer.

He shared the plan for the day...starting with a diagram of how we face problems...Eastern Culture vs Western Culture.  He said the session would not be information for solutions, it will likely be an emotional day...to the point that I may not want to come back.  He asked me to remember to push past that if thats the way I felt.

[I feel I can take a lot and so I thoroughly didn't anticipate this being the way I would feel at the end of the day.  Exhausted?  Yes.  But to a point that I wouldn't come back?  No.  Not me.]

The view out of his place is spectacular!!!  I could have stared at it all day.

We headed upstairs to the theater room, in front of the white board to begin the LifePlan Coaching Session.  Chris stated by the end of the day, I would hate the question he would ask of me the most, which would be "Why?"  

[He was right.  It got downright irritating.]

Module 1
We started with: "What is the primary thing you want to get out of this? ...the next 2 days? ...in each of these areas?"

• Primary Goal
• Personal Goal
• Family Goal
• Career Goal
• Church Goal
• Community Goal

I normally am very, very, very open on my blog.  Normally I post anything and everything, even if you the reader doesn't understand, even if you don't relate, even if you don't agree.  I pray that I can share what I should, but because of the nature of what I faced today and the vulnerability of some of my feelings and how it all relates to my story, I am guarded.  I am working through extreme fear.  I pray you will be patient with me, I pray that you will hang with me and realize I will share when and how I can, but at the moment, most of the specifics about me and my nuggets will be kept on my notes.

Module 2
Chris asked:

1. What is right?
2. What is wrong?
3. What is confused?
4. What is missing?

I answered the questions.  Chris asked, Why?  I answered with more answers.  Chris asked, Why?  I answered more in depth yet, and Chris asked, Why?  

Chris reminded me to understand my personality style.  To be comfortable with it.  The things discovered in today's session will not be to create victims.  Not to create monsters.  The purpose is to point out what happened and why.

Chris told me:  "God wants you to surrender.  You are having a hard time giving this up."

[Tears.  The hot kind of tears that are big globs flowing down you face.  God, what's wrong with me??? I have never cried so much in my flipping life like I have this year!]  He told me:  "You are over analyzing...put away anything that holds you back. There are no answers that are going to be a mistake.  Trust me.  If you can't trust me, trust God."

Module 3
We reviewed Turning Points in my life.  I had 11 of them [though there are probably more].

Chris made an assessment of me compared to others he has done LifePlans with:

"You see yourself and understand yourself more than most."  [This blew me away.  I don't see myself this way.]

We intellectually understand our lives but not fully until we emotionally understand. 

Preach the gospel at all times, when necessary use words.

You have lived under pressure.  Under control.  Under guilt.  By your parents.  By the church.  By your clients.  [More gut wrenching tears.]

God is in the middle of ALL that happened.  [I know this theoretically just wish I knew this in reality at the time I was facing these things in my life, like I do now.]

Module 4
We created Turning Points Profile of the review of my life.  We then created themes of these periods.  

Module 5a and Module 5b
I then made a list of Turning Points Learned from this process, which consisted of a list of 30 items.  [At dinner Chris told me that the most he has ever had someone do was 26, I exceeded that.]

Chris asked:  What are you afraid of?  God wants us to surrender to take it away from us. Until you do, he has to work around those things.  Listen.  Focus.  Allow God to speak to you.

You have been blamed, criticized, and condemned for your decisions, beliefs, and feelings your entire life.

At this point in the session, I was frustrated.  Very frustrated.  I felt Chris was frustrated with me.  I told Chris so.  We talked more.  I learned I was feeling a fear of disappointing him, which is far from the truth, and even if I had, it wouldn't matter.  Who has a right to be disappointed by you?  Nobody!  Can you disappoint God?  When are you going to quit caring?  Why do you care?

You can't fix the business until you fix yourself.

My Homework ~ Write a Letter to God to include"

F = Family or Future

R = Reputation

M = Money

P = Possessions

T = Time

H = Health

[I took 6 pages of notes.  I am emotionally and mentally exhausted.  I don't feel I can think through my thoughts.  I need alone time with God.  I need time spent quietly in prayer.]  

I left at 7pm, came to the hotel, got a glass of wine, headed to the pool to swim for 30 minutes, then to my room for a really hot shower to then sit down and write this blog post.  

I have not done my homework.  I am so drained, I don't see how I can write a letter to God.  What would I say?  Whether I do or don't do my homework, I don't feel good enough.  So I am headed to bed...I will get up early before Day 2 and work through this.

reflections in preparation for my coaching...

I wrote down notes.

I made a list of questions.

I made a list of things I struggle with.

I contemplated items to use as examples.

I started getting jitters.  Jitters in anticipation of the time.  Jitters wondering if I will remember everything I want to cover.  Jitters in wondering if I have spent enough time in preparation.  Jitters knowing I have life changing moments ahead of me!

I texted my prayer warriors...all 21 of them.  

I posted it on Facebook.  

I headed to the Wxyz Bar to get a class of red wine.  Between the two, prayers and wine, I know the jitters will diminish!!!  

I am ready...God is with me...he has a plan...here we go!!!