Counseling Session #17

I went to counseling, frustrated with myself, as I had not done my homework, yet again.  My counselor decided we would do it together, during today's session.

I made a list of Negative Characteristics of my Dad.

I made a list of Negative Characteristics of my Mom.

I made a list of Positive Characteristics of my Dad.

I made a list of Positive Characteristics of my Mom.

I then made a statement of What I wanted and needed most as a child was:

I reviewed and described Positive Events and my Feelings and Reactions to them.

I reviewed and described Negative Events and my Feelings and Reactions to them.

Assessment:

• I always go to blaming myself.  My counselor questioned me, is that rational?
• I am not the reason my parents treated me this way, but I continue to feel and believe that.
• My counselor reminded me yet again how abnormal my home life was.  This is very hard to accept.

I Corinthians 16:14

broken can be beautiful...

Quotes

song ~ cries of the city

Cries of the City
Avion Blackman


I woke up early in the morning
The sun was glaring in my eyes
The sirens crying in the city
They're off to save another life

They cry woe, is anybody listening?
They cry woe, does anybody hear?
They cry woe, is anybody listening?
They scream woe, does anybody care?

My next door neighbor has a baby
She is only 6 months old
She cries all night, it drives me crazy
Whenever she's hungry, dirty or she's cold
She cries woe, is anybody listening?
She cries woe, does anybody care?
She cries woe, I need someone's attention
To rescue me from such despair

A million voices in the city
And they're singing the same song
Lonely hearts in desperation
Searching for strength to carry on
You see everyone's longing for affection
It's something we rarely do receive
We just want to be wanted
To be loved, it is all that we need

We cry woe, is anybody listening?
We cry woe, does anybody care?
We cry woe, I need someone to save me
And rescue me from such despair

Is there anybody there to hear them calling?
Is there anybody there to hear them cry?
Is there anybody there to hear them calling?
He is there with you, He is there with you
He is there with you, He hears your cries
He is there with you and He'll never leave you
He is there with you

You see the preacher on the corner
He stands there every afternoon
He reads his Bible and tries to warn ya
That the Lord is coming soon.

Quotes

Counseling Session #16

I didn't do any homework.

I didn't write any more of my story.

I simply made it through the week.  Still working on removing stress.

Today, I was told that I have made significant changes.  I need to realize these.  I don't give myself credit.  I need to focus on all I have accomplished.  I have embraced my story, and told it in the 1st person (which most people can't and won't do)...

I will try to do more story writing this week.  But my heart, at the moment, is not in it.

Quotes

proverbs 16:9

LifePlan Nuggets

It's been a month since LifePlan Coaching with Chris LoCurto.  As I have absorbed the intense two days and reviewed my notes, I have made a list of nuggets, as I do with all forms of extensive training.  I know I need a mentor and I pray that God has someone who will be just the right person for me on this part of my journey.  

List of Nuggets from LifePlan Coaching:

• Unbeknown to me, I really wasn't accepting my childhood and past.
• The feeling I could have done something to change the results of my childhood and past has been permeating my life.
• I have been living with fear I didn't think I had.
• I have had deep fear that the life I had before is somehow going to be repeated.
• The degree at which I feel I am not good enough is tremendous.
• The stress I learned to live with in my childhood is an expectation that I feel I must do and keep up now because it was the norm.
• How the gas pedal and brake concepts affect my life significantly, and the focus needs to be kept at monitoring them.
• The level of abuse in  my life was more significant, a major impact, and very prevalent, much more than I have given it credit.
• I have spent 35 years in a toxic belief system and being controlled.
• Never having been encouraged, told what I did was good, and spending years being punished, I continue to live out those same feelings in everything.  I have lived with feelings of being displeasing and being a disappointment my entire life.  I now think everyone feels the same way about me.
• I have carried over these same concepts to my relationship with God.

The areas I feel that have come to light that need to be spent more time reflecting on are:

• How do I change and feel and see God in my past? Yes, I know in my mind he was there.  How do I go back and feel he was apart of those details (in my heart) like I do in my journey today when I didn't feel or see him then?
• What am I actively doing to live My Life Purpose?
• How do aggressively change the "Not Good Enough" mentality to rid it out of my mode of operating?

God has used Chris greatly in my life.  I feel I have barely got a grasp on my nuggets let alone its impact in my life.  I pray that I can let the concepts work deep down into my feet and become the gal God wants me to be.  He is amazing at how he works and I truly stand in awe.

Thank You big brother Chris!

Quotes

How can you stop a man that won't quit? 
-Tim with movie Unstoppable

Unstoppable

Good overcomes evil! Life overcomes death! Faith overcomes doubt! Light overcomes darkness! Love overcomes hate! 

- Unstoppable, the movie

[really] disappointing news

Remember me telling you that I won tickets from my coach, Chris LoCurto to an event coming up in a little over two weeks that he was going to be speaking at?  

Remember that I was one excited happy chic???  Yah, I was ONE HAPPY CHIC!!!

Why?  I was going to get to hear Seth Godin speak (until a week ago when he was removed from the lineup).  I was going to get to hear Chris LoCurto speak.  I was going to get to hear Deanna Robinson speak.  There were 27 other speakers set up to speak!!!  I know Seth and Chris, I have never met Deanna...I stumbled across her on Facebook and liked her business page, she sent me a personal friend request when she learned I was an EntreLeadership Alumni attendee...just two weeks before winning this ticket from Chris.  Accident?  No, that's not how my God works.

Well, today I got to be one frustrated, discourage, upset and disappointed chic.  For reals.  I got notified via email that the EWRoadtrip 2013 Event got canceled.  I had already been proactive and booked my airline ticket, two extra hotel nights (to make traveling accommodations better for me since the event went until 5pm the last day and to not fly home on Sunday, one of the most costly travel days in my search), along with a rental car.  Due to being the Miss Penny Pincher that I am, I had purchased non refundable, non transferable, non changeable stuff.  Yah, but it still was a lot of money!!!  $716.88 to be exact.  The email offered a $100 Visa Card as a voucher or to attend the event in 2014.  Hmmmmmmm...lose $616.88???  Not exactly a comforting thought.  

It's just money?  

No, it's not just money.  It's hard earned money, and I was going to be taking 6 days off work for this Business Conference, just 6 weeks after being gone to Franklin, TN for 10 days.  You think this wasn't a decision made with no impact on my clients?  It had great impact.  I felt it was something I should do.  I felt God wanted me to go. I felt it wasn't an accident that I got a free ticket.

But now it got canceled...so what does that mean now God?

I don't know.  He does.  I don't.  But I also know I don't have to.  I just have to simply trust His plan.

I posted my situation on Facebook.  I then launched into and spent 3 hours pursuing options with Priceline...Expedia...emails to my coach...phone calls to EWRoadtrip...

Deanna sent me a private message that read:  
"Please don't despair, there are a lot of us in your situation. If you'd like to talk, please reach out." and she included her phone number.  

I wrote her back:
"Oh Deanna...you are so kind!  I just don't understand God's plan in this...I won a ticket from Chris LoCurto and was one excited chic!!!  Now, its just so disappointing.  I will call."

I did just that.  I called her.  

Would the "old Misty" have done this?  No.  What makes you think some chic I have never met would have any "worthy input" for me?  I mean, she probably isn't a Christian for crying out loud.  And she doesn't believe like "us".  

That mentality is LONG GONE!  God has blown me away the last few years with the people he has brought into my path and on my journey.  I no longer look at life the way I used to.  Or people.

We talked 62 minutes and 33 seconds...but could have visited all night!!!  I shared with her my frustrations.  The feelings of excitement to have won a ticket and now to have the conference called off.  How I do not understanding God's plan in all this.  She believes crap happens and that this isn't necessary God's doing.  [Though that might be true...I am not sold on that topic.  It's something I am still studying out and will blog about more later, though I have some already.]  She shared her frustrations with this event and things she did anyways instead of listening to that still small voice inside of her that told her to back out.  She is having to learn hard lessons; she is getting zero back from this event.  She encouraged me if I am going to be offered any funds, to take what I can get, unless I want to make the trip, but encouraged me not to feel pressured into doing so.  This deal did not have to be canceled.  [Wow. Not the message I received from the host of the event.]  She referred excellent people to be speakers to this event, and now with the way things have turned out, feels like egg is on her face.  She shared short nuggets of her story with me, told me that she has even written Bible Studies, and encouraged me to Praise God in it!   She nudged me with a reminder, from sharing part of her story, to have the attitude she has developed through the things she has faced: "I get to..." not the negative things we think when things happen.  She told me about an event in January 2014 that she would highly recommend I go to for what I was looking for in this event.

A mistake all this is happening?  You think so?  So what's the chance of her seeing my post at the time she did?  Freak incident?  Really?  

Nope, not with my God!  He is in all the details.  Promise!!!  

Counseling Session #15

I am not getting anywhere.  

I have no motivation to move to the next part of my story.  And I can't figure out why.

Today I was reminded to:

• write down thoughts
• work through feelings
• look back and connect the emotions and realize it doesn't have influence in your life

We discussed the stresses in my life.  We discussed the need to balance the stress with Healthy Coping to rejuvenate and refresh me:

boundaries ~ enforce them, don't feel the need to get involved, to protect yourself, be intentional about your nutrition, take time to sleep, take care of you physically, decompress, knit for 15 min each day along with brain candy reading

balance ~ stick to deadlines, create stopping points, set time with girlfriends, put what can be on the back burner

Focus On:

• Stressors and Self Care!
• Choose not to stress about it...
• God commands us to REST

Quotes

You know you are on the right track when you become disinterested in looking back.
- The SW

[pray]

story: Gods Love

Each of us have a story.  

Some of us live with the story deep inside of us, not willing to share it.  Some of us feel our story doesn't matter.  Some of us don't know we have a story.  Some of us have more painful ones than others.  Some of us don't feel our story has power...or will be a blessing.  

Some of us are willing to share our stories, with everyone, everywhere.  Today, I share a story from someone who has one of those stories.

I met Tim Love, back in June, through one of the networking Facebook forums I participate in, when he posted a request out that if anyone wanted to donate AC units, he would  meet them to get them and then install them for people in need.  I made an appointment to meet him at Home Depot and it was there that he shared part of his story with me as we stood comparing products.  I came away blessed by his testimony, thankful to have met a brother in Christ, unashamed of who he is, and encouraged by his love for God.  I wrote a post about this called do you believe with God ALL things are possible? because the message on his truck meant something to me.

Tim shared this video called Gods Love, this last week on his Facebook wall, with this as the caption: "My trash, Gods Love, Jesus Hand. I am Second!"  

As I am working through My Story and all the feelings that come from My Story, I realized it doesn't take that much time to share your story.  Tim's testimony is only 2:35 minutes long.  Yet, it has the full message, is very simple and conveys a clear message.  The message of Gods Love.

I wanted to share it with my blogging friends.  Be blessed by Tim Love's Story!

bible study: Confident Heart

I shared with you yesterday that God is giving me daily reminders about a lesson He wants me to learn.  You might have thought I was joking, but I am not.  The message have been in various ways and forms.  I wish I had posted Sunday's and Monday's and Tuesday's.  I have tried to find them, maybe they will show up again, but I didn't realize how they were going to continue daily.  

Here is today's message via email.  Could the header have been any bolder?  Any more pointed right at me?

The interesting thing is, besides that burning question at the top of the email, I have been looking for another Bible Study to do because I felt I need it.  This one is perfect because it is online which means I can do it in my travels and crazy schedule right now...in between work and sleep...and it's on a topic that God knows I need.

Join me if you want!
 

you.are.good.enough

you are good enough

I had just gotten back from my lunch break at the conference with yet another new friend, Tina, waiting for training session to resume, I launched and thumbed thru my Facebook Newsfeed...this was one of the first things I saw.  

An accident?

Nope.

God is making sure I get these memo's, daily right now.  He is reinforcing His message to me pretty loudly.  I have seen some sort of message along this line each day in some sort of way since Saturday's conference.  

Overwhelming?  Yes.  It is.

song ~ all of me

All of Me
Matt Hammitt


Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

Chorus
You're gonna have all of me 
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

Chorus (X2)

It's where I'll start
It's where I'll start

LifePlan nuggets

It's been three weeks since I did LifePlan Coaching.  I have spent some time reflecting on the things I learned during my sessions.  At a risk of being too open, I am going to be very vulnerable today, and share with you my nuggets and takeaways:

• Unbeknown to me, I really wasn't accepting my childhood and past.
• The feeling I could have done something to change the results of my childhood and past has been permeating my life.
• I have been living with fear I didn't think I had.
• I have had deep fear that the life I had before is somehow going to be repeated.
• The degree at which I feel I am not good enough is tremendous.
• The stress I learned to live with in my childhood is an expectation that I feel I must do and keep up now because it was the norm.
• How the gas pedal and brake concepts affect my life significantly, and the focus needs to be kept at monitoring them.
• The level of abuse in  my life was more significant, a major impact, and very prevalent, much more than I have given it credit.
• I have spent 35 years in a toxic belief system and being controlled.
• Never having been encouraged, told what I did was good, and spending years being punished, I continue to live out those same feelings in everything.  I have lived with feelings of being displeasing and being a disappointment my entire life.  I now think everyone feels the same way about me.
• I have carried over these same concepts to my relationship with God.

The areas I feel that have come to light that need to be spent more time reflecting on are:

• How do I change and feel and see God in my past? Yes, I know in my mind he was there.  How do I go back and feel he was apart of those details (in my heart) like I do in my journey today when I didn't feel or see him then?
• What am I actively doing to live My Life Purpose?
• How do I aggressively change the "Not Good Enough" mentality to rid it out of my mode of operating?  Completely from the core of my being?