[bible study] Why Do You Believe That?

I enjoyed my Woman's Bible Study that I did with a group of 6-10 ladies [depending on how many showed up] each Monday Morning this past Fall.  We did a Bible Study called Breaking Free by Beth Moore.  It was a study that I feel I could do again because of how general it was and how depending on what you are going through in your life it could apply to so much.  I am finding that I am learning a whole bunch by doing a Bible Study [even though I had great fear of doing this because of how much time was spent doing Bible Studies "as a family" in my childhood and the resentful feelings I had over the whole deal] and it has encouraged me beyond words to share with other believers and deepen my faith in God.

Tonight, I started a new bible study tonight with a group of couples called Why Do You Believe That?  I am looking forward to this 7 week study in our 90 minute sessions.  Maybe I will share my nuggets from each of the lessons with you.  We shall see how I do at staying up with my lessons and managing the rest of everyday life and having a business.  I don't want to stress or add to my tasks that will create stress.

company on short notice...

In a quest to not live as I have before, to not be stressed, I am learning to be different.

Sheila was down for December Camp in Glen Rose, TX over the Christmas Holiday.  I invited her to stay with me, but she was unsure of her plans. I said, No problem you are always welcome...do whatever works for you.  

I texted her earlier in the week, do you know your plans?  Are you still coming?  She wasn't sure but was thinking they would be coming but didn't know where she would be staying as she would have the boys with her this time.  I told her I understood.  I mean, what boy wants to hang with me all weekend???  I did tell her though, if they did come I would do my best to give them a fun evening and I would get my Aunt Misty fix.  ;)

Sheila texted me Thursday night to see if it was still an option to stay with me.  I said absolutely.  

I didn't tell her I was out of town and would not be able to get the house in decent order before her arrival as I was not scheduled to return until late Friday night.  I didn't tell her that there really was no food in the house to speak of and they would have to scrounge around.  I knew she wouldn't care.  I knew we would make it work and it would all be okay.  Why?  Because it is.  It always is.

I also knew that this would be a good lesson for me not to stress.  Not to stress about my house.  About the food.  To learn that everything doesn't have to be planned out to work.  And that I can truly fly by the seat of my pants beyond just in emergency situations.  No, if I had "planned it" it would have been different.  But there was no planning at this point and I wasn't going to say "No, you can't come just because I hadn't been able to plan".  Not a chance of that!!!

I got home very late, 10.45pm, and was in bed in 15minutes.  Sheila arrived some time later, but I stayed in bed and rolled over and went back to sleep.  My plan was to get up early and go to the grocery store to get some items.  When the alarm went off at 7am, I really didn't want to.  It was cold.  I was beyond exhausted from my late night.  Two late nights in one week was really wrecking havoc on me, on top of being without my adrenal medicine, I was beyond fatigued.  I laid there thinking, what was I going to buy anyways to fix to eat?  The longer I laid there, the more I thought about the fact that I had eggs, there was Tang in the pantry, along with potatoes.  I decided in short order that I would fix scrambled eggs with mozzarella cheese, Tang to drink (since I didn't have frozen orange juice or cranberry juice), hashbrowns (half russet potatoes and sweet potatoes) and turkey bacon.  It worked, we had breakfast even if Kearstin wasn't so thrilled with it!  ;)

I then got to work with one of my employees who was previously scheduled to work a half day with me getting my clients files all in complete order for 2012 so that I might deliver them to his office along with my keys at the end of their day at 1pm, so that we could officially be done and part ways.  

Sheila & the kids went thrift shopping and then met up with Sydney & Jeremy to spend some Granma time...and do more shopping.  We met back up later in the afternoon and I took Sheila and Kearstin to get pedicures with me, my treat!  Getting a pedicure is so much fun!  I don't do that very often, but having soft clean trimmed feet is so fun!!!

Sheila headed out to the meeting hall for the Birthday Party for Drew.  Zachary and I sat in the living room and chatted for an hour or so before we decided to go eat dinner at Olive Garden with a Gift Card from my speaking engagement from last January at the AAPC on Credentialing.  It was packed and we waited about 45 minutes before enjoying their special of 2 for $25 right now which includes their yummy Tiramisu!  We came back and Zach decided to read while I wrote a few emails and then decided I would not wait up for Sheila, I was headed to bed because it was already 2 hours past my bedtime.  I wasn't in bed long when Sheila arrived and I got up and we chatted for about 30 minutes in the living room with Zach and Kearstin (James stayed home with Greg & Shannon).  We then called it a night so we all could get enough sleep. 

Sunday we had two sessions of Christian Fellowship and then ate lunch at one of my favorite places to eat my absolute favorite food, sushi!  The picture below is of me and Kearstin at Sushi Axiom.  I had fun spoiling them and got to treat them to this too.  We then came home and Sheila packed up and headed out!

Misty & Kearstin

Thanks for coming to visit Sheila!  I am thoroughly glad that I got to have you for the weekend, even if it was a last minute plan!  I enjoyed our conversations and time of sharing our faith and desire to grow in God!!! I am excited for the opportunities we will have.  Keep your eyes focused on Him!  Keep me posted on your vision for 2013 and your progress through the Dave Ramsey Debt Snowball.  I support you!  Please come again soon or let me know when I can come and we can have that girls weekend we keep talking about.....I love you friend!

Zachary, remember to keep your heart with all diligence!

Kearstin, continue to grow in the attributes of a meek and quiet spirit!

Love all 3 of you!

song ~ no matter what

No Matter Whatby: Kerrie Roberts
I'm runnin' back to Your promises one more timeLord, that's all I can hold ontoI've got to say this has taken my by surpriseBut nothing surprises You
Before a heartache can ever touch my lifeIt has to go through Your handsAnd even though I keep askin' whyI keep askin' why
No matter what, I'm gonna love YouNo matter what, I'm gonna need YouI know that You can find a way to keep me from the painBut if not, if not, I'll trust You
No matter whatNo matter what
When I'm stuck in this nothingness by myselfI'm just sitting in silenceThere's no way I can make it without Your helpI won't even try it
I know You have Your reasons for everythingSo I will keep believin'Whatever I might be feelin', that You are my hopeAnd You'll be my strength
No matter what, I'm gonna love YouNo matter what, I'm gonna need YouI know that You can find a way to keep me from the painBut if not, if not, I'll trust You
No matter whatNo matter what
Anything I don't have, You can give it to meBut it's okay if You don'tI'm not here for those things the touch of Your loveIs enough on its own
But no matter what, I still love youAnd I'm gonna need you
No matter what, I'm gonna love YouNo matter what, I'm gonna need YouI know that You can find a way to keep me from the painBut if not, if not, I'll trust You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the painBut if not, if not, I'll trust You
No matter whatNo matter what

2013 Goals & Resolutions

Each Year, I create my list of Goals & Resolutions for both personal and business goals, but the last 4 years I started publishing them on my blog also.  In 2009 I also did quarterly updates on my blog as to what type of progress I had made towards this goal.  In 2010, I only did 2nd quarter & 4th quarter updates.  I feel it is helpful to take time out and reflect on where you are at and if you are making progress, but that takes focus to make that happen, and then time to actually write it down and publish it on the blog.  If you wish to review 2009 Goals & Resolutions, 2010 Goals & Resolutions, 2011 Goals & Resolutions, and 2012 Goals & Resolutions, click on the links, you can search for the quarterly updates too.  I have had various goals from 5 - 10, but I continue to find more strength and focus when I limit it to just a few.  This year, I condensed both my personal goals and business goals to 4 to see how much more effective I am at accomplishing them.  I was unable to come up with a theme for this year, but maybe that will come at the end of the year!

personal goals

#1 focus on making my home a place of retreat, safety, security, calmness...this means continued work to get rid of anything that doesn't fit my life as it is now, a single entrepreneur, with elegant simplicity

#2 say No to anything that does not create peace or calmness in my life

#3  resolve to understand and learn that I Am Good Enough

#4  increase my prayer life

business goals

#1 increase business blogging to three times weekly

#2 do an Accounting Course as continuing education

#3 get information on coaching sessions

#4 attend 3 conferences

New Years Day [2013]

I have been trying to avoid getting sick but I begin 2013 spending the day at home trying to absorb Water, Gatorade and Soda Crackers in the effort to calm the churning and nausea and maybe not loose whatever is left in me.  

I have been working really hard the last week trying to get everything done for Year End and I was actually looking forward to spending the day at home chillin, but not in this form.  I hope this is a short lived episode and that I am feeling better soon.  

I am freezing cold, so I am headed back to the warm covers.

get closer to God

Happy New Year [2013]

HAPPY NEW YEAR
to all my friends, family, relatives, clients, and woman's bible study group!

May 2013 be a year of growing further in the grace and knowledge
of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Quotes

Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge. - Winston Churchill

knitted baby blanket for Townes

Oatmeal Baby Blanket for Townes
[mother, Amanda, is in my bible study, daughter of Jim & Miki that I spent Thanksgiving 2012 with]

Closeup of Oatmeal Baby Blanket for Townes

Quotes

Live in the moment, God has a plan for your now. - Gwen Smith

romans 12:9-13

A week ago I got a new bible, it is called The Voice.  I have been reading some of my favorite passages in it and reflecting on the verbiage as it expounds on things in a different way then the wording in the other translations I use [New King James, Gods Word and Today's New Living Translation] and that I am used to.  

Romans 12:9 
Love others well, and don't hide behind a mask; love authentically.  Despise evil; pursue what is good as if your life depends on it. 

v10 Live in true devotion to one another, loving each other as sisters and brothers.  Be first to honor others by putting them first.

v11 Do not slack in your faithfulness and hard work.  Let your spirit be on fire, bubbling up and boiling over as you serve the Lord.

v12 Do not forget to rejoice, for hope is always around the corner.  Hold up through the hard times that are coming, and devote yourselves to prayer.

v13 Share what you have with the saints, so they lack nothing; take every opportunity to open your life and home to others.

The lines that stuck out to me the most that I have been doing reflecting on are: 
Love others well, and don't hide behind a mask; love authentically.  
Wow.  Love well.  What does that mean?  To do something well usually means with excellence, great skill, thoroughly.  What does that mean to not hide behind a mask?  Another wards be real, don't hide your identity, or have a pretense.  So in a nutshell:  Be real in your love and love thoroughly.  
Let your spirit be on fire, bubbling up and boiling over as you serve the Lord.  
What does that mean?  Be on fire, bubbling up and boiling over?  Fire is light and warmth.  To bubble up and boil over I take that to mean overflow or burst forth, unable to repress, with full force.  So in a nutshell:  In a spirit of light and warmth burst forth and overflow as you serve the Lord.

[if you are interested in more information on this version, visit www.hearthevoice.com]

serve Him

the [freezing] cold weather has come to TEXAS!

For reals.  The freezing cold weather has come!  I have been anxious for it to arrive so that my allergies would dissipate for a spell and it finally has come to visit!  Its burry cold outside!!!  11* today after the wind chill factor.  We got some snow flakes yesterday, but not enough to totally cover the ground, just a light dusting.  Maybe it won't be in the 70s by the weekend?  Awwwh, don't hold your breath, you forget, its Texas!

dealing with mistreatment

Each of us face times where we have been mistreated and hurt.  Sometimes these incidents are by people we absolutely love, whom we consider very close friends, people we have spent lots of time with and think the world of.  

The hurt in these situations can be grievous beyond words.  It can depress you.  Cause pain that nearly makes you physically sick.  It many times takes the life right out of you and make you feel like you can't breath, totally suffocating without any replenishment of air.  It can cause you to loose focus and faith in your friendship.  It can cause you to question the foundation of your friendship and the authentic love previously expressed by this person.  It can cause you to doubt the very existence of your friendship.  It can cause you to not trust that God will work it for good even though they mean it for evil.  

I have been through times of like this before with friends and am facing it again, but this time with people who have been role models to me, people who have been there for me in very difficult times of my life, people who I thought loved [me] unconditionally.  People who have been Johnny's in my life [from the movie Seven Days in Utopia - which I will share more thoughts on at another time].  

It has been several weeks and the pain is not letting up.  The ongoing fakeness in a relationship that used to be totally real and open is making it hard to not just scream out, "Why are you doing this to me?".  The fact that I bore my heart out in an email trying to make amends and clear up a matter only to have it be ignored and not to receive any response, grieves my soul.  Even if the email could not have been accepted, even if there still is a difference of opinion, could it not be acknowledged?  The fact that I continue to try to have normal correspondence and interaction of a relationship as if this issue doesn't exist or has been resolved when it clearly hasn't, is in itself truly exhausting.  The communication lacks the exhuberation back and doesn't contain the typical generous loving thoughts expressed in a prompt reply, many times with excuses as to why no response was given, if any response at all, and only continues to show me that the relationship I thought I had because I was loved and cared for, truly was/is only really one based off of contingencies.  This is in a nutshell is what hurts the most.  

Now I question, is this what all my friendships and relationships that I have known are or will be like at some point?  Do people really not know how to love as God asks us to love?  Love as He loves us.  Clearly, this relationship doesn't exist now that we don't see a situation on the same page and now that that person has been hurt won't accept my side of the story.  The deeper hurt even beyond this is the fact that it is with someone I never dreamed I would be facing this type of situation with and therefore it is doubly hurtful.  I thought I was loved for being me.

I have asked other close friends to pray for me, to help me be understanding, to pray that I will continue to be loving as God wants me to be to them in spite of how I have been treated and the daily slap in the face this is to me.  I have shared that my hurt is deep and it makes me want to run, run away quickly.  It makes me want to close my heart and shut out friendships because of the pain they always bring.  The pain is simply gut wrenching.  But I know deep down, none of these feelings are feelings God wants me to have.  I won't tell you for one second that I have it all figured out.  I won't tell you that I don't shed tears in my pillow as I work through the pain.  But I will tell you this, God still loves me and He still cares for me even if this persons love is obviously conditional.  He is with me in this pain.  

I will tell you clearly that I don't want conditional friendships.  I don't want to have to constantly be approved of to have your love and friendship.  If that's the way it works with you, I don't want your friendship.  I lived in that box for 20 years and never got that approval and love from my parents because of the conditions that were always placed on it.  I have spent the last 15 years trying to understand and play those games in fellowship with a group of Christians that love you if you meet the spoken and unspoken criteria, check off all the boxes, give in all the ways deemed appropriate, say and do all the "right things", and attend every function...then and only then will you be approved of.  The minute you don't keep up this agenda, you step out away from the "rules", then you are questioned, your motives are not deemed pure, you are condemned for making decisions contrary to the mainstream thinking, you are treated coldly because you don't come "regularly", and you are suddenly considered to be struggling and potentially going off the deep end.  

Is this how God wants us to be with each other?  No, he wants us to LOVE out of a pure heart, not one with motives or an agenda.  Is this how God treats us, conditionally?  No, He loves you no matter what you have done or will do because it is already all paid for.  You can't outdo God.  He does not condemn you if you don't read your bible 7 times a day and he won't be cold when he see's you if you didn't.  Will God question your motives if you don't give so much of your time, energy, money, and other resources?  No, He honored the woman who gave all she had, which was not very much, but it was all.  Please don't mistake me, we need principals and guidelines, but is the basis of them for approval and judgement, or because it is out of love?

I want to learn what loving unconditionally is [I don't believe I was taught this and I believe it is something you learn to do when you understand what God's love is] and I want to show that love to everyone I come in contact with [because I want to be a light for Him].

I pray that I can grow in more grace and knowledge of God and His Love.  I pray that I can set aside my hurt and continue to Love.

Quotes

Want a real faith community? Find the people who submit to a judge, not a jury. God won't be asking your friend's opinion about you.
- Donald Miller

song ~ remind me who I am

Remind Me Who I Am
by Jason Gray

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don't wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the loneliest places,
When I can't remember what grace is.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home,
Remind me who I am.
When I can't receive Your love,
Afraid I'll never be enough,
Remind me who I am.
If I'm Your beloved,
Can You help me believe it.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You, whoa.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You.
That I belong to You.
To You.

I'm the one you love,
I'm the one you love,
That will be enough,
I'm the one you love.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You, oh.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.

joshua 1:9

be a voice, not an echo

song ~ the proof of your love

The Proof Of Your Love
for King and Country

If I sing but don't have love
I waste my breathe with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don't have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say
(Chorus)


CHORUS:
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You're made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love


If I give to a needy soul
But don't have love then who is poor
It seems all the poverty
Is found in me
(Chorus)

Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When it's all said and done
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we sing our final song
Only love remains
Only love remains
(Chorus)

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 
(1 Corinthians 13:1-7, The Message)
(Chorus)

Insurance denied 1st Appeal

Insurance Appeal denied. Working on Level 2 Appeal for reconsideration. Prayers that I can have the words to write that will convey the important items and not just frustration. 

jeremiah 32:17

nothing is too hard for me
-Jeremiah 32:17