how do you help someone that is hurting?

I wish I knew the answer to this question.  I have been pondering it for awhile and I am stuck at square one. 

Sometimes you can tell its physical pain and they just don't want to be alive because the pain is so bad.  Other times you don't know why their response is cold, distant and short.  I mean, you know that we all have bad days, but does that mean you must treat me like this?  I love you...my heart achs for you, I want to see you succeed, what can I say to make you feel better?  I ask if you are bothered, need to talk, what is on your mind, did I do something wrong, hurt your feelings...you say no...but now I am out of ideas and you are still stiff, rigid and determined to leave this wall up...why???  I know that life has treated you really rough, some of it your own doings but much of it out of your control.  Do you know that you have control over you life now?  Would you please just believe me?!!

It makes my heart deeply grieved.  I want to cry.  But will tears proove?  I feel I have failed.  Done nothing to help you.

So I ask you my friend:  How do you help someone that is hurting???