the interesting thing about blogging

I love blogging.

I love writing.

I love sharing my thoughts.

I love getting feedback from the words I write and the thoughts I share.  

I love the people that take time to comment, email me follow up thoughts, text me that my post really hit home with them, Facebook message me and share how the post impacted their world, comment on the link on Facebook after reading it or share my post from my Twitter feed.  It tells me that what they thought I wrote was meaningful enough that they wanted their inner circle of friends to read it too.  The ripple effect of blogging on my friendships is exciting to me!

Even after 7 years of blogging, I am still amazed that the posts I spend the most time writing, trying to make sure my thoughts make sense, that I have written all that I want to convey, that I have shared exactly what I should and left out what I shouldn't...are rarely the posts that hit home with people.  They rarely are the ones that get any feedback.  They are rarely the ones that seem to stir a connection.

The blog posts that create the most connection with people are the ones that take only 5 minutes to write.  Not literally, but figuratively in the sense that they are the ones that my heart just feels called to write and I sit down and it all comes out and very little time is spent making it all come together.  They are the ones that are written when I rarely worry about what people will think about what I am writing, because I really don't care, I have a message I want to share.  I write because its my heart and I share all of it.  People cry.  People comment.  People are amazed that I am this authentic, open, and bare my soul to the depths that I do.

The other blog posts that seem to create the most connection with people are the ones that I write about topics that are hurtful.  Topics that are sensitive.  Topics that people avoid.  Topics that we all face.   These are the ones that people resonate with.  Topics that I am bold to go into.  These are the posts where I hold nothing back.  And people appreciate the honesty.

Part of me wonders why that is?  Part of me knows.  The evidence is there as to why these posts are a home run hit!

It is after writing these two kinds of posts that I wish I spent more time writing.

He Loves ME

Happy Fathers Day to you Dads!  

It truly is a blessing to be a Father and to make an impact in a child's life.  It is an enormous responsibility, but the calling supercedes all others.  The calling to show love, to teach skills, to lead, to inspire, to encourage, to support, to make an impact that goes beyond your own little world.  

One of the guys I have been out with on a few dates takes a lot of pictures of him with his daughter.  He is always finding ways to spend time with her.  His love for her is amazing!  

It got me thinking.  

I have one memory of something my Dad did, completely an idea all on his own, unasked by Mom, in which he offered to take me and my sister late one New Years Eve to the grocery store to purchase and get some candy.  We were beyond ecstatic!!!  This was not something my Dad had ever done and the fact that my Mom allowed it, was truly amazing. [We were never allowed to be alone with my Dad and candy was not something we got very much, so the combination, was a huge event in my little world.]

I don't have one picture that I am aware of with my Dad.  Not one.  I am not saying none were ever taken, because I don't have all the photos of my childhood, but I don't have one and don't remember one in all the times we poured over the albums we had.  And then I got to thinking about if I had had a picture with my Dad, would he have been smiling?  Would he have had his arm around me?  Would I have been sitting on his lap?  Would he have been kissing my cheek?

The sad thing is to realize that I know the answers to those questions.  You might say, why would you even think about such things?  

Because these things drive me to be a different person.  Even if I am never a parent.  These things drive me to reach out to that child who you can see the pain in their eyes, the longing for a hug, the longing for connection, the longing to be accepted, the longing to be loved, the longing to be wanted, the longing to mean something to somebody, the longing for affirmations and positive thoughts, the longing to be understood, the desire for all of these needs to be filled.....

That child may not be young, it may be the inner child of an adult who still has this need and who is hurting, deeply hurting.  This inner child may be YOU, my dear friend.  This inner child many times is ME.

My Dad...Randall Russell Gilbert
[maybe someday photos of just you and me will show up]

Today, I know as my Dad looks down from Heaven, He Loves Me!!! Even though he never knew how to, couldn't, didn't say it or show it.  He loves me as he has never loved me.  He sees me in a way he never saw me when I was at home living the life of being his daughter.  He cannot redo being a Dad to me.  
...but I believe with my whole heart he loves me now!

You may be like me.....Never had a Dad who said you were beautiful.  You were loved.  Who kissed you beyond the dutiful goodnight kiss as a child on the cheek.  Who held you close.  Who hugged you just because.  Who made you feel like a million bucks.  Who enjoyed being with you.  Who told you that you were wanted.  Who sat on the couch and talked to you.  Who took you for a walk.  Who rode bikes with you.  Who cooked in the kitchen with you.  Who did a craft with you because it was your favorite thing.  Who did things for you just because he wanted to be with you.  Who took you out for Daddy Daughter Dates.  Who cared so much about you that you knew it every single day.  

But I promise you, God does!

He LOVES you.

Believe me, I know sometimes it is hard to let God's love be enough and replace those human connections and relationships where you can actually hear the words and feel the emotional expression...the connections and relationships that God wants you to have so that you understand his love on a deeper level.  I am not trying to tell you those connections and relationships don't matter or that God replaces them completely, because I no longer believe that as I was taught.  These relationships do matter, immensely or God would not have created them.  Every little girl wants to be her Daddy's World.  We need our Dad's.  And God can be to us what other people are not, but their touch in our lives makes us more complete.  As with all things in my life, I will always try to find the positive focus to let that rule over the negative feelings in order to have a thriving life.  And I want you to too.

If you have been blessed to have a Dad that loves you and takes pictures with you, who tells you that you are beautiful, you are loved, kisses you, holds you close, hugs you just because, makes you feel like a million bucks, enjoys just being with you, tells you that you are wanted, talks to you, does things with you, takes you out on Daddy Daughter Dates and more...go tell your Daddy today how much you love him back!  You may never know what is going on in his world and what he needs to hear from you today.

May each of us purpose today to be that loving person in a connection and relationship to that inner child that needs to know.....

I am Loved!

I am Wanted!

I am Accepted!

I am Understood.

I Matter!

I am Good Enough!

And I am Beautiful!

You are, my friend.