Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Quotes

Aim to have people positively transformed just by being in your sphere of influence.
- Dr. Wes Saade

Monday, December 29, 2014

do your best

You have days when it is challenging to even think of doing the next thing.  Let alone your best.  Yet, if you aren't trying to do your best, what are doing?  

You have challenges.  I have challenges.

You have things you don't think that you can get through.  I have things I don't think I can get through.

You have goals that come with more setbacks than wins.  I have goals that come with more setbacks then wins.

You have people fighting to tear you down. I have people fighting to tear me down.

You have come from somewhere and are going somewhere.  I have come from somewhere and am going somewhere.

The question is first, do you want to do your best?  [I do!]  I don't think most people would say they don't want to do their best.  But at the same time, they aren't putting in the effort to do their best.  They are only giving it half the effort.  Is half their best?  There may be times it is.  But if you know in your  heart you could do more, do better, then it is not your best.  You have to want to do your best.  Nobody else can make you.  If you do want to do your best, then how do you do your best?

Watch this 2 minute video by Coach Garrett after the Cowboy's win on Sunday, December 28th, 2014.  Be inspired to do your best!

You do your best regardless of circumstances.  - Coach Garrett


Do what?  Regardless?  No matter what?

Yes.

No matter the challenges.  No matter what you don't think you can get through.  No matter the goal.  No matter the setbacks.  No matter the wins.  No matter the people fighting to tear you down.  No matter where you came from. No matter where you are going.  No matter whatever circumstances you are facing.

You.must.do.your.best.

If your best needs to be cleaned up.  Clean it up.  If you have something to learn.  Learn it.  Stay focused.  Don't loose sight of what is important.  Be hungry.  Be ready to take on what is set before you.  Don't quit.  Have a killer instinct.  Know what you our next move is and do it.  Trust your gut.  Follow through with it.

The results will come, if you do your best.

Take one day.  One moment.  One task.  One challenge.  And do your best with it.

I needed these reminders at a time when I am facing challenges, setbacks and circumstances trying to overwhelm me.  Defeat me.  Make me give up.  

I wanted to share them with you. I want to encourage you [and me] to do your best!  Life is short.  Give it all you got. 

And Never.Never.Never.Quit.

‪#‎DoYourBest‬ ‪#‎OneDayAtATime‬ ‪#‎RegardlessOfCircumstances‬

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

What does Ephesians 4:29 mean?

I shared a post on Facebook yesterday and got some comments because I used the term "bad ass".  Not the typical language people have heard from me.  But is the term bad?  Inappropriate?  Awful?  Shameful?  Sin?  

This term is modern slang to mean flat out incredibly awesome!  Could I have said this instead of bad ass?  Indeed.  I sure could have.  There are generally at least two ways to say something.

The term I used may offend you.  Every time you get offended do you call someone out on it?  Was my comment and post meant to offend you?  No, that was't my goal.  Could it have been taken that way?  Evidently of late, much of what I say and write is.  Does.  Why, I am not really sure, but its hitting the nerve with some.

The term may mean something different to you.  Every time you have a different interpretation of something, do you focus on making sure someone sees it the way you do and setting them straight?  Or do you try to understand and see something from their perspective?  Even if it goes against what you believe?

You may believe that this term is bad language.  Do you have grace to allow someone else bad language, either way?

You may believe that Ephesians 4:29 means I am out of line.  Let's think about this.

Don’t let even one rotten word seep out of your mouths. Instead, offer only fresh words that build others up when they need it most. That way your good words will communicate grace to those who hear them.

- The Voice

What is a rotten word?  What is a fresh word?  What is bad language?  What are words that build each other up?  Is this passage just about bad language?  Or is it more than that?  Maybe not even about bad language?  If you believe someones language is bad, where does grace come in?

I haven't always had this perspective, but as I grow to learn to grow and live in love and grace, not by rules or in a box, I want to be open to more than one way of looking at something and understanding exactly what God is asking of me.  To give love and grace.  In all things.

I don't have the answers.  I do things all wrong.  But I know in my heart and believe God knows exactly what I want to accomplish in my life and that He will lead and guide me to achieve this on my courageous journey in my walk with Him.  When I am not in line with His vision for me, I trust He will show me.  Gently. Lovingly.  Without a need to point out all my faults.  He knows I know I have them.  I know I have them.  Without a need to shove me out.  Shoving someone out of your life only creates division, not a connection.  Without calling me out.  Calling someone out on something generally only makes one defensive and put up walls.  

I am learning this.  The hard way.  May I learn to remove all rotten words and create fresh words that communicate love and grace.  At all times.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Quotes

Behavior is linked to your perception of self-value. It's knowing who you are that will change your behavior. 
- Shawn Craig

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Dear Hives

Dear Hives,

You made your first appearance back in September 2014, which came out of nowhere.  You were horrific and created some deep physical, emotional, and yes, mental stress.  After my first episode with you that lasted three days, I ended up in the Urgent Care, trying to figure out what caused your extensive eruptions.  I was deeply and very much perplexed as to the root of the issue and what would cause you to attack me like you did.  After some contemplation, I could only pinpoint it to one of two or maybe three things:  
Maybe Fried Oysters?  
Maybe an Immune Booster in a Smoothie King drink?  
Maybe Pest Control sprayed at a clients office?  

I thought with time, if I repeated any one of these things, then I would know the exact cause of what has created you to react as you have with me.  I have not attempted any one of these three things again, yet to my surprise, you have continued to reappear and overtake my body.  Lasting generally, three to five days.  Little did I know that the process to figure this out would become so difficult and that these episodes would be more horrific than I could have ever imagined anything to be.

I am writing today to share with you dear hives, some of my thoughts and feelings.  I want you to understand how I feel.

I want you to know that I understand that you are displaying outcomes exactly as you should.  You are letting me know loud and clear that something doesn't jive with you and that it needs attention.  I am listening.  I want to understand you.  I want you to know that  I am sorry.  I want and will do all I can to figure out what is triggering you so that you can have peace as much as I want peace.  I want you to know that you are not abnormal.  You are doing exactly what you were designed to do.  

Yes, you are making me feel as if I am absolutely crazy.  And if not completely crazy yet, that I will be  in that zone very soon.  I have strongly felt that there was something deeply desperately wrong with me, but I realize there isn't.  This is normal.  It is how you respond to what is triggering you.  I will give you space to be you and will accept you.  I will not fight you any more.  I will be patient with you.  I will do my best to gently soothe you when you even while you are yet creating blisters and welts, all over my body, that sting, itch and are hot to the touch.  I will do my best to not aggravate you on any level.  I want to ask you to be patient with me as I figure out what is causing you to do your normal thing.  I am not here to create opposition. I am in full support of your method.  Let's just please work together so we can achieve the results we both want.

Desiring to Help You All I can,


Misty

Saturday, December 20, 2014

the break in blogging...

You know I love to blog.  I love to write.  I enjoy dialogue.  Asking Questions.  Thinking about things.  Sharing my heart.  Sharing in your journey.

I took a break in blogging...

...at least publicly.  In that I blogged and wrote in my journal, but either posted the posts privately or just saved the posts and didn't publish them at all.

Why you might ask?

For several reasons.  

First, I have been working on some deep roots and things from my childhood, upbringing, training, concepts of truth, readdressing my spiritual journey, learning and relearning things, and the intense growth process has been at times very challenging and hard to share with you.  I have felt I needed to create some space.  I needed some time to process without putting it all out there.  

Second, when I launched into the online dating scene, it became difficult to manage all the things I was involved in both in my personal life and business life, and I had to cut some of them out.  Blogging got reduced.  Time management had to be redistributed.  

Third, I have needed to process some of the criticism and negative feedback that I have gotten over how much I choose, consciously, to share with you about my Courageous  Journey.  I have had to face the people pleasing tendencies that I have had from a different perspective and address them.

Was the move to not blog a good thing?  Did it help, do more good or did it create more alarm when you didn't hear from me?  Was my decision to not publish because I feared what you thought of me or because I really needed space?  Did I left my feelings of being so overwhelmed at times that I couldn't post prevent me from sharing when I should have shared?  

Those are good questions and I am not sure that I have the complete answer.  Either way, I did what I felt I should at the time.

The removal of layers to this onion is still in process.  As it is in each of our lives.  The growth in my personal life has been very horrific this year.  The challenges at times have been more than I thought I would face or were possible in certain phases of this journey.  The hurt that I have experienced in a handful of situations has been devastating.  However, I am committed to continuing this process, no matter how difficult it is and no matter the results.  I know there will continue to be people who will agree or disagree with my choices, my decisions, my actions, my journey, who judge me, are unable to love me or show support, based on their perceptions of me, my life and their beliefs of what is truth.  I choose to give them space to be who they need to be.  My goal is not to create any more pain in their life and if being a part of mine, seeing my journey hurts you, I understand you moving away from me.

In the midst of this, my desire to encourage, love, support and inspire you continues.  It is the core of who I am and who I want to be.  

I pray that the work I have done in my life is evident to you and the truth of everything you learn about me can only help you to love me more, not create hate, distrust or resentment towards me.

With that in mind, I want you to know that I plan to publish some back posts.  You may or may not read them.  You may or may not want to follow my journey.  Either way, I love you just the same.  My blog will not be written for approval or based on your approval.  It will be The Life Of Misty with God right by my side as I focus on continuing to Be Courageous, Be Generous and Be Loving!

give life your best

Approach life and everything in it with a determination to intentionally give it your best! When you know in your heart that you have truly done your best, you do not feel guilt over the results. You do not beat yourself up. You do not question the results. Because the truth is you couldn't have done more or better when you do your best.
Stay focused. Stay engaged. Stay determined. Give life your best!
‪#‎BeCourageous‬ ‪#‎BeGenerous‬ ‪#‎BeLoving‬ ‪#‎EnjoyEveryMoment‬‪#‎BeYourBest‬

Monday, December 15, 2014

Quotes

Many of us were taught to put ourselves last, and as a consequence we attracted feelings of being unworthy and undeserving. As those feelings lodged within us, we continued to attract more life situations that had us feel more unworthy and not enough. You must change that thinking.

—Rhonda Byrne

Monday, December 8, 2014

Monday, December 1, 2014

Quotes

Surround yourself with people who make you hungry for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul.
 - unknown

Monday, November 24, 2014

Saturday, November 22, 2014

an evening with friends

Love to entertain!!! 
Pork Chops, Mashed Potatoes, Mixed Fresh Vegetables, Bacon Wrapped Jalapeños! 
Red Wine. 
Peach Cobbler. 
Awwwhhhhh... — withClark Tarwater and Heather Tarwater.

the plate!...

the beverage of choice tonight...

the dessert...

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

My aim in Friendship

I aim to be your friend at all times. I desire to always be kind. I completely want to understand you. I honestly want to always love you. But...in my attempt to work through my own struggles, to dissolve all my childhood baggage, to not let my issues come between us, to not let hurts keep me from letting you close, to look at my beliefs and clearly know if they are lies or truth, and ultimately to create a loving space to let you in my world, I sometimes will do it all wrong. I will say things that cause you pain. I will do things that make you question me. I will not understand and it will create conflict.

I only ask that you be patient with me. I ask that you love me when its hard to and you don't want to. I ask that you help me understand what I did wrong. Please don't just cut me out of your life. Please don't just build walls. Please don't treat me coldly. This hurts me. Deeply.

I will always say I am sorry. I will always be open to listening even if I don't see things your way. I will always care about you. Even if it means you are no longer in my world and don't want me in yours. I don't want you to resent me. I don't want you to feel obligated to a friendship/relationship. I release you to be who you need to be.
#MyHeart #PerspectiveOnRelationships #BeLoving

Monday, November 10, 2014

new intentions

As I return from 10 days away, unplugged from my business, technology (internet, phone, email, texting, Facebook, apps), leaving behind the daily grind of life, away from my "established" friends.....thoroughly getting to experience 5 days on a cruise ship with no routine unless I wanted one, experiencing more firsts (some that weren't on my bucket list...but every first is experienced with enthusiasm), enjoying sunrises and sunsets, food when I was hungry, entertainment when I wanted a good laugh or adventure, the peaceful calm the ocean creates to my soul, the sun rays that warm my heart and body, sleep when I was tired, Yoga each and every morning out on the deck to start my day off in an amazing way, developing a handful of awesome new friendships that have created a bond that I will never forget!!! Then spending 3 days in Florida taking in more time sitting in the sun on a sandy beach letting the ocean and quiet time feed my soul. The time went by quickly and was much needed on so many levels, though I must admit I do not feel it was long enough. Yet God had some amazing things for me to experience and lessons to learn along the way!!! I have memories and experiences I will never forget. I anxiously await the opportunity to create the time to blog about all of these experiences on my personal blog.
As I return to the routine of every day life today, I am implementing a commitment I made prior to my vacation with one of my coaches, to make changes in my business and have set work hours...not just a set number of hours I will work as was the change I made earlier this year. This will be an initial trial run to see how it goes and it will be tweaked as necessary. The changes are necessary for me to create the life I want. I also am even more deeply committed to live more intentionally in my personal life and business. This commitment means that my life will be going through some dramatic changes. I pray that the changes you see in me will continue to inspire you to live with courage, be generous, be loving, and live with all your heart and remember that God will show you the path to take!
#BeCourageous #BeGenerous #BeLoving #CreateTheLifeYouWant

Quotes

Stop trying to get noticed by people, you're already approved of by God.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Quotes

What makes me powerless is trying to control others. What makes me powerful is learning to manage myself. - Danny Lee Silk

Monday, October 20, 2014

Quotes

Give, but don’t allow yourself to be used. Listen to others, but don’t lose your own voice.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Quotes

She dances to the songs in her head, speaks with the rhythm of her heart, and loves from the depths of her soul.
 - Dean Jackson

Monday, October 6, 2014

Monday, September 29, 2014

Quotes

Breaking someone's #trust is like crumpling a perfect piece of paper; you can smooth it over but it's never going to be the same again.

 - Single Matters

Monday, September 22, 2014

Quotes

A relationship doesn't need any promises, terms and conditions. It just needs two wonderful people: one who can trust and one who can understand.

 - Single Matters

Monday, September 15, 2014

Quotes

If he makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says he's sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, works hard, attempts to understand you...then believe it or not, he's quite perfect. 

- Single Matters

Monday, September 8, 2014

Quotes

There comes a point where you stop the desperation to be perfect and you just start working towards being better. 
 - Jonathan Dixon

Monday, September 1, 2014

Quotes

All human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful.
 - Flannery O'Connor

Monday, August 25, 2014

Quotes

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
 - Flannery O'Connor 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Quotes

Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time. 
- Oswald Chambers

Monday, August 18, 2014

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

right or wrong?

In approaching some new dynamics in my life, I have been intentional at stepping back and analyzing what I have believed and why.  I have decided to approach things that I previously was told were right or wrong with the purpose to prove all things.  With the perspective to be objective and not assume that how I was trained and what I know is inherently correct.  To be open to daily being guided in every aspect of/on my courageous journey.

In doing so, I have come to realize very clearly that the way I was raised was to look at everything in life with the filter that it either must be right or it must be wrong.  

Yet as I work through this process of complete authenticity, opening myself up to being willing to see something in a light that I had never seen before, being willing to consider something I had never considered previously, being in a state of mind knowing that God will not lead me wrong if I put all my trust and faith in Him, that He will lead me to find the truth and the answer, for me in the moment, I am finding that as I step back and ask questions, reflect on the facts, analyze the information I have available to me at the time, approach things in this light, fully with an open mind not trying to figure things out on my own, in prayer asking God for complete direction, daily, many times every minute of every hour, to help me understand His plan for my life, to pursue those things that are excellent, and follow my heart and dreams, I have come to see that not everything falls into the category of being right and wrong. 

Sometimes there are decisions that either choice you are presented with would be acceptable or beneficial.  Not every decision is a right or wrong decision. 

This has been a hard adjustment to make. 

I want to make everything a right and wrong decision.  A right and wrong way of living.  A right and wrong motive.  A right and wrong attitude.  A right and wrong belief.

Even if other people have beliefs that my decisions are right or wrong.  Even if others don't see the situation the way I do.  Even if other people wouldn't make the choices I make.  Even if I don't always know if its the right or wrong thing to do or to say.  I can have faith that I am choosing the best in the moment and that even if in the end its not the best thing for me, it will be used in my life to help me in the next moment and decision that comes across my path.   

I know this, in time, hours, days, weeks, months, years, I will know.  In time, I can make additional choices to make the necessary adjustments to tweak my path.  In time, I will have a deeper understanding or perspective as to what is the best thing for me in my life. 

And if I make a decision that isn't the best one, I know this, God is faithful to bring it to a clearer understanding and help me to see the changes that need to happen.  His spirit is so alive that it will be creating life in me!  I also know that God equips us to have a sound mind and to have the ability to make the appropriate decisions when we ask Him for wisdom.  He gives it generously.

Don't doubt that you will know with clarity, completely know, what is right and wrong, for you.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Dating Questions: What Do You Want?

I have been asked what do I want in a Man.

What do I want?  I want what every woman wants in a man.  It is not hard.

I want a Man who loves God.  With his whole heart.  

I want a man who strives for excellence in all areas and creates a positive outlook on life.  

I want a man who wants me.  Who will tell me he wants me.  Who will show me that he wants me.  Who is serious about a relationship.  Not just messing around with the idea of having one.  

Who will call me on the phone.  Who wants to hear my voice.  Not just because he has a missed call from me.  

Who will take me out on dates.  Who will make a plan.  Who will take charge when its time to take charge.  

Who will apologize when wrong and make efforts to change.

Who will open the door and treat me like a lady.  

Who doesn't hide me from his family and friends.  

Who will create conversation.  Who will open up and be authentic with me to the same level I am with him.  Who will share his ideas, his dreams and his fears with me.  

Who will get to know me.  Who will pursue me.  Completely.  

Who will invest in me.  Who will let me invest in him.  

Who will tell me what he wants without fear.  Who will listen.  Who will attempt to understand and even when he can't or doesn't, will at least be open to listening anyways.  

Who is clear on his wants, goals, future, and desires in a spouse/relationship.  

Who will be a man, an all around true man.

A man may not be perfect in all these areas.  How he responds to conflict, how he follows through with the things he says he will do, and what he does to establish a relationship and connection with me will tell me whether he is someone that I can be in a relationship with.

The other things are attributes and characteristics that I want in a Man are personal preferences and tastes.  And some of them may or may not be that important.  The important things, are the ones that are the deal breakers and those are the things that I will keep in focus.

This is what I want and this is what I will aim to have.  Nothing less than an excellent relationship focused on growing and loving each other.

What do you want in a Man?  Have you given it thought?  

I am reminded that we get what we pursue and focus on.  Dating is no different.

Friday, August 8, 2014

tension in life

Today, I am remembering the words of my Yoga Instructor, Holley Vincent

We work in tension in our Yoga Practice so we can learn how deal with tension in our daily lives. [The idea is to understand what tension actually feels like and how to breath through it.]

#DontQuit #Breathe #TensionMakesUsStronger #BelieveInYourself

the needs of a wife

[I received this from a friend and want to share...at this time, I don't have the source]

...Let's look at the five needs of a wife. The first need is for affection. To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: (1) I'll take care of you and protect you; (2) I'm concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you; (3) I think you've done a good job, and I'm so proud of you.
Men need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them. A hug can communicate all of the affirmations of the previous paragraph. But, affection can be shown in many ways such as: kisses, cards, flowers, dinners out, opening the car door, holding hands, walks after dinner, back rubs, phone calls--there are a thousand ways to say "I love you." From a woman's point of view, affection is the essential cement of her relationship with a man.

The second need is conversation. Wives need their husbands to talk to them and to listen to them; they need lots of two-way conversation. In their dating life prior to marriage, most couples spent time time showing each other affection and talking. This shouldn't be dropped after the wedding. When two people get married, each partner has a right to expect the same loving care and attention that prevailed during courtship to continue after the wedding. The man who takes time to talk to a woman will have an inside track to her heart.

The third need is honesty and openness. A wife needs to trust her husband totally. A sense of security is the common thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security. To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. If she can't trust the signals he sends, she has no foundation on which to build a solid relationship. Instead of adjusting to him, she always feels off balance; instead of growing toward him, she grows away from him.

Financial commitment is a fourth need a wife experiences. She needs enough money to live comfortably: she needs financial support. No matter how successful a career a woman might have, she usually wants her husband to earn enough money to allow her to feel supported and to feel cared for.

The fifth need is family commitment. A wife needs her husband to be a good father and have a family commitment. The vast majority of women who get married have a powerful instinct to create a home and have children. Above all, wives want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to commit themselves to the moral and educational development of their children.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

the needs of a husband

[I received this from a friend...at the moment, I don't have the source.]

...Let's look at the five needs husbands have. The first is sexual fulfillment. The typical wife doesn't understand her husband's deep need for sex anymore than the typical husband understands his wife's deep need for affection. But these two ingredients can work very closely together in a happy, fulfilled marriage. Sex can come naturally and often, if there is enough affection.

The second need for a man is recreational companionship. He needs her to be his playmate. It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching sports and movies they would never have chosen on their own.  After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. But this option is very dangerous to a marriage, because men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions. Among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.

A husband's third need is an attractive spouse. A man needs a wife who looks good to him. Dr. Harley states that in sexual relationships most men find it nearly impossible to appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone - there must be more. A man's need for physical attractiveness in a mate is profound.

The fourth need for a man is domestic support. He needs peace and quiet. So deep is a husband's need for domestic support from his wife that he often fantasizes about how she will greet him lovingly and pleasantly at the door, about well-behaved children who likewise act glad to see him and welcome him to the comfort of a well-maintained home.  The fantasy continues as his wife urges him to sit down and relax before taking part in a tasty dinner. Later the family goes out for an evening stroll, and he returns to put the children to bed with no hassle or fuss. Then he and his wife relax, talk together, and perhaps watch a little television until they retire at a reasonable hour to love each other. Wives may chuckle at this scenario, but this vision is quite common in the fantasy lives of many men. The male need for his wife to "take care of things" - especially him - is widespread, persistent, and deep.

The fifth need is admiration. He needs her to be proud of him. Wives need to learn how to express the admiration they already feel for their husbands instead of pressuring them to greater achievements. Honest admiration is a great motivator for men. When a woman tells a man she thinks he's wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He sees himself capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level.
If any of a spouse's five basic needs go unmet, that person becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair. Therefore, the best way to prevent adultery is to meet the needs of your spouse and make your marriage strong.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Dating Questions: Are you gonna jump?

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and we were discussing dating, the important questions that must be asked and the steps to moving forward with a relationship.  The comment was made, "Misty I hope you just don't just jump into marriage."

I laughed.  Outright laughed.  

I then replied and said that I have no intention of "jumping into marriage".

As I drove away from the conversation, I wondered what makes people say something so crazy like that?  

As I reflected on the question, I had many more questions:

  • Is it possible to just jump into marriage?  
  • Is it possible to make such a big life changing relationship change and it be something abrupt that you just throw yourself into?  
  • What does it mean just jump into something?
  • What does it look like if you did just jump into something?

Then I thought about my life and how I live it...  

Have I been one to just jump into something?  If so, when?  

Then I wondered, does it even matter if I have or haven't jumped into things in the past?  What about in the present?  Or will in the future?  Isn't that kinda irrelevant?  

The real question is:  Is it possible for someone to just jump into marriage?  Do I believe its possible for ME to just jump into marriage [because it doesn't matter if someone else can or not, I only am concerned with me]?  

My reflections produced the following thoughts:

I have no intentions of just jumping into marriage.  I will be intentional in my process of dating and creating a relationship that enables me to learn about a potential spouse.  I will be focused on my decision to marry when I believe I have met the person that fits what I want in a spouse and the relationship is to that stage.  I do not look at marriage as an option of something to just try.  My decision will be a conscious and planned move, it will not be something I just jump into.  I have every intention of spending dedicated and conscious time learning about relationships, the communication styles of men and woman, the art of the dating process, and if marriage is a result of that interaction, I will then be as committed at learning and understanding all aspects of marriage.  It will be something new that I will be learning about and moving towards understanding both in an intellectual and emotional sense.  I believe the success of a relationship comes from being immersed in it, but not without a plan, without a goal, without my eyes wide open, and without prayer, lots of deep thought provoking heart analysis and prayer!  

I do not see jumping into marriage as an option.  For me.  My aim is for creating the most excellent results and success, which I don't believe comes from just jumping into something this life changing.

Do you believe you can just jump into marriage?

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Dating Lessons: men want to feel needed

You probably know the statement to be true.  Men want to feel needed.  

I know this.  

You know this.  

But are you conscious about relating to them in this space?  Do you pay attention to your actions and the message you send?

I was reminded of this when at the track this last week talking with a friend who stated her husband struggles because she is so strong and he wants to feel needed but because he lives the weeks away and is only home on the weekends, she ends up doing the bulk of what needs to be done.  I reminded her of this and shared the story I am going to share with you today, to encourage her in her marriage.  

So with that...let me share with you a blunder I made on a date and the fact that I got to see how my actions created a response in my date and confirmed clearly, men want to feel needed.

I was on a date with one of the guys I have spent time getting to know.  We went in to the convenience store to get some things for the afternoon we were going to spend out on the boat.  As we were checking out, I grabbed the bulk of all items [two bags of ice and a bag of beverages] and left the case of water for him.  As we went out the doors, he asked to carry my bags.  I had it, wasn't fixing to lose anything, and knew I was strong enough, so I told him I was fine.  He asked again for me to let him carry something and as I shook my head I turned to look him in the eyes, to tell him my response not just with a nod of the head that clearly I got it, and then informed him that seriously I am used to carrying more than this and I truly was fine.  

No sooner had I finished brushing him off quite profusely when I saw the demeanor on his face change.  He said nothing.  He didn't even try again.  But I didn't miss the change in his body language and a shadow that was clearly a look of disappointment and yes hurt that crossed over his face.  Someone else might have missed it, but I was keen into it and realized I had screwed up.

I was crushed. This was the last thing I had meant to do.  Here I was trying to be helpful and let him know that I would carry my weight and not be a wimpy chic, yet he clearly wanted to carry my load and I was pushing him away.  

I gulped back tears.  [You might think this was overboard, but seriously, if you had seen his face, you would have too!  ...and yes, I aim to please and never hurt and am very intuitive into someone's body language and feelings, no matter how subtle.]

I wasted no time and apologized.  I asked him to please be patient with me and understand I come from a space of having nobody to do what I need done and living alone [or with roommates at various times for 7 years] for 17 years.  I don't mean to be like this and I want to be different.

The results, I got a big grin.

Totally worth the pain I just experienced that grin was!

Awwwhhhhh, why do we woman make it so difficult for our man?  They simple want to be needed.  More than that, they need to feel needed.

What can you do today to let your man know, he is needed???  May I encourage you...do it.  You will win a smile that is worth every bit of letting him help you!