The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
- Flannery O'Connor
Monday, August 25, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Quotes
Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.
- Oswald Chambers
- Oswald Chambers
Monday, August 18, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
right or wrong?
In approaching some new dynamics in my life, I have been intentional at stepping back and analyzing what I have believed and why. I have decided to approach things that I previously was told were right or wrong with the purpose to prove all things. With the perspective to be objective and not assume that how I was trained and what I know is inherently correct. To be open to daily being guided in every aspect of/on my courageous journey.
In doing so, I have come to realize very clearly that the way I was raised was to look at everything in life with the filter that it either must be right or it must be wrong.
Yet as I work through this process of complete authenticity, opening myself up to being willing to see something in a light that I had never seen before, being willing to consider something I had never considered previously, being in a state of mind knowing that God will not lead me wrong if I put all my trust and faith in Him, that He will lead me to find the truth and the answer, for me in the moment, I am finding that as I step back and ask questions, reflect on the facts, analyze the information I have available to me at the time, approach things in this light, fully with an open mind not trying to figure things out on my own, in prayer asking God for complete direction, daily, many times every minute of every hour, to help me understand His plan for my life, to pursue those things that are excellent, and follow my heart and dreams, I have come to see that not everything falls into the category of being right and wrong.
Sometimes there are decisions that either choice you are presented with would be acceptable or beneficial. Not every decision is a right or wrong decision.
This has been a hard adjustment to make.
I want to make everything a right and wrong decision. A right and wrong way of living. A right and wrong motive. A right and wrong attitude. A right and wrong belief.
Even if other people have beliefs that my decisions are right or wrong. Even if others don't see the situation the way I do. Even if other people wouldn't make the choices I make. Even if I don't always know if its the right or wrong thing to do or to say. I can have faith that I am choosing the best in the moment and that even if in the end its not the best thing for me, it will be used in my life to help me in the next moment and decision that comes across my path.
I know this, in time, hours, days, weeks, months, years, I will know. In time, I can make additional choices to make the necessary adjustments to tweak my path. In time, I will have a deeper understanding or perspective as to what is the best thing for me in my life.
And if I make a decision that isn't the best one, I know this, God is faithful to bring it to a clearer understanding and help me to see the changes that need to happen. His spirit is so alive that it will be creating life in me! I also know that God equips us to have a sound mind and to have the ability to make the appropriate decisions when we ask Him for wisdom. He gives it generously.
Don't doubt that you will know with clarity, completely know, what is right and wrong, for you.
In doing so, I have come to realize very clearly that the way I was raised was to look at everything in life with the filter that it either must be right or it must be wrong.
Yet as I work through this process of complete authenticity, opening myself up to being willing to see something in a light that I had never seen before, being willing to consider something I had never considered previously, being in a state of mind knowing that God will not lead me wrong if I put all my trust and faith in Him, that He will lead me to find the truth and the answer, for me in the moment, I am finding that as I step back and ask questions, reflect on the facts, analyze the information I have available to me at the time, approach things in this light, fully with an open mind not trying to figure things out on my own, in prayer asking God for complete direction, daily, many times every minute of every hour, to help me understand His plan for my life, to pursue those things that are excellent, and follow my heart and dreams, I have come to see that not everything falls into the category of being right and wrong.
Sometimes there are decisions that either choice you are presented with would be acceptable or beneficial. Not every decision is a right or wrong decision.
This has been a hard adjustment to make.
I want to make everything a right and wrong decision. A right and wrong way of living. A right and wrong motive. A right and wrong attitude. A right and wrong belief.
Even if other people have beliefs that my decisions are right or wrong. Even if others don't see the situation the way I do. Even if other people wouldn't make the choices I make. Even if I don't always know if its the right or wrong thing to do or to say. I can have faith that I am choosing the best in the moment and that even if in the end its not the best thing for me, it will be used in my life to help me in the next moment and decision that comes across my path.
I know this, in time, hours, days, weeks, months, years, I will know. In time, I can make additional choices to make the necessary adjustments to tweak my path. In time, I will have a deeper understanding or perspective as to what is the best thing for me in my life.
And if I make a decision that isn't the best one, I know this, God is faithful to bring it to a clearer understanding and help me to see the changes that need to happen. His spirit is so alive that it will be creating life in me! I also know that God equips us to have a sound mind and to have the ability to make the appropriate decisions when we ask Him for wisdom. He gives it generously.
Don't doubt that you will know with clarity, completely know, what is right and wrong, for you.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Dating Questions: What Do You Want?
I have been asked what do I want in a Man.
What do I want? I want what every woman wants in a man. It is not hard.
I want a Man who loves God. With his whole heart.
I want a man who strives for excellence in all areas and creates a positive outlook on life.
I want a man who wants me. Who will tell me he wants me. Who will show me that he wants me. Who is serious about a relationship. Not just messing around with the idea of having one.
Who will call me on the phone. Who wants to hear my voice. Not just because he has a missed call from me.
Who will take me out on dates. Who will make a plan. Who will take charge when its time to take charge.
Who will apologize when wrong and make efforts to change.
Who will open the door and treat me like a lady.
Who doesn't hide me from his family and friends.
Who will create conversation. Who will open up and be authentic with me to the same level I am with him. Who will share his ideas, his dreams and his fears with me.
Who will get to know me. Who will pursue me. Completely.
Who will invest in me. Who will let me invest in him.
Who will tell me what he wants without fear. Who will listen. Who will attempt to understand and even when he can't or doesn't, will at least be open to listening anyways.
Who is clear on his wants, goals, future, and desires in a spouse/relationship.
Who will be a man, an all around true man.
A man may not be perfect in all these areas. How he responds to conflict, how he follows through with the things he says he will do, and what he does to establish a relationship and connection with me will tell me whether he is someone that I can be in a relationship with.
The other things are attributes and characteristics that I want in a Man are personal preferences and tastes. And some of them may or may not be that important. The important things, are the ones that are the deal breakers and those are the things that I will keep in focus.
This is what I want and this is what I will aim to have. Nothing less than an excellent relationship focused on growing and loving each other.
What do you want in a Man? Have you given it thought?
I am reminded that we get what we pursue and focus on. Dating is no different.
What do I want? I want what every woman wants in a man. It is not hard.
I want a Man who loves God. With his whole heart.
I want a man who strives for excellence in all areas and creates a positive outlook on life.
I want a man who wants me. Who will tell me he wants me. Who will show me that he wants me. Who is serious about a relationship. Not just messing around with the idea of having one.
Who will call me on the phone. Who wants to hear my voice. Not just because he has a missed call from me.
Who will take me out on dates. Who will make a plan. Who will take charge when its time to take charge.
Who will apologize when wrong and make efforts to change.
Who will open the door and treat me like a lady.
Who doesn't hide me from his family and friends.
Who will create conversation. Who will open up and be authentic with me to the same level I am with him. Who will share his ideas, his dreams and his fears with me.
Who will get to know me. Who will pursue me. Completely.
Who will invest in me. Who will let me invest in him.
Who will tell me what he wants without fear. Who will listen. Who will attempt to understand and even when he can't or doesn't, will at least be open to listening anyways.
Who is clear on his wants, goals, future, and desires in a spouse/relationship.
Who will be a man, an all around true man.
A man may not be perfect in all these areas. How he responds to conflict, how he follows through with the things he says he will do, and what he does to establish a relationship and connection with me will tell me whether he is someone that I can be in a relationship with.
The other things are attributes and characteristics that I want in a Man are personal preferences and tastes. And some of them may or may not be that important. The important things, are the ones that are the deal breakers and those are the things that I will keep in focus.
This is what I want and this is what I will aim to have. Nothing less than an excellent relationship focused on growing and loving each other.
What do you want in a Man? Have you given it thought?
I am reminded that we get what we pursue and focus on. Dating is no different.
Friday, August 8, 2014
tension in life
Today, I am remembering the words of my Yoga Instructor, Holley Vincent:
We work in tension in our Yoga Practice so we can learn how deal with tension in our daily lives. [The idea is to understand what tension actually feels like and how to breath through it.]
#DontQuit #Breathe #TensionMakesUsStronger #BelieveInYourself
We work in tension in our Yoga Practice so we can learn how deal with tension in our daily lives. [The idea is to understand what tension actually feels like and how to breath through it.]
#DontQuit #Breathe #TensionMakesUsStronger #BelieveInYourself
the needs of a wife
[I received this from a friend and want to share...at this time, I don't have the source]
...Let's look at the five needs of a wife. The first need is for affection. To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: (1) I'll take care of you and protect you; (2) I'm concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you; (3) I think you've done a good job, and I'm so proud of you.Men need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them. A hug can communicate all of the affirmations of the previous paragraph. But, affection can be shown in many ways such as: kisses, cards, flowers, dinners out, opening the car door, holding hands, walks after dinner, back rubs, phone calls--there are a thousand ways to say "I love you." From a woman's point of view, affection is the essential cement of her relationship with a man.
The second need is conversation. Wives need their husbands to talk to them and to listen to them; they need lots of two-way conversation. In their dating life prior to marriage, most couples spent time time showing each other affection and talking. This shouldn't be dropped after the wedding. When two people get married, each partner has a right to expect the same loving care and attention that prevailed during courtship to continue after the wedding. The man who takes time to talk to a woman will have an inside track to her heart.
The third need is honesty and openness. A wife needs to trust her husband totally. A sense of security is the common thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security. To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. If she can't trust the signals he sends, she has no foundation on which to build a solid relationship. Instead of adjusting to him, she always feels off balance; instead of growing toward him, she grows away from him.
Financial commitment is a fourth need a wife experiences. She needs enough money to live comfortably: she needs financial support. No matter how successful a career a woman might have, she usually wants her husband to earn enough money to allow her to feel supported and to feel cared for.
The fifth need is family commitment. A wife needs her husband to be a good father and have a family commitment. The vast majority of women who get married have a powerful instinct to create a home and have children. Above all, wives want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to commit themselves to the moral and educational development of their children.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
the needs of a husband
[I received this from a friend...at the moment, I don't have the source.]
...Let's look at the five needs husbands have. The first is sexual fulfillment. The typical wife doesn't understand her husband's deep need for sex anymore than the typical husband understands his wife's deep need for affection. But these two ingredients can work very closely together in a happy, fulfilled marriage. Sex can come naturally and often, if there is enough affection.
The second need for a man is recreational companionship. He needs her to be his playmate. It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching sports and movies they would never have chosen on their own. After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. But this option is very dangerous to a marriage, because men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions. Among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.
A husband's third need is an attractive spouse. A man needs a wife who looks good to him. Dr. Harley states that in sexual relationships most men find it nearly impossible to appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone - there must be more. A man's need for physical attractiveness in a mate is profound.
The fourth need for a man is domestic support. He needs peace and quiet. So deep is a husband's need for domestic support from his wife that he often fantasizes about how she will greet him lovingly and pleasantly at the door, about well-behaved children who likewise act glad to see him and welcome him to the comfort of a well-maintained home. The fantasy continues as his wife urges him to sit down and relax before taking part in a tasty dinner. Later the family goes out for an evening stroll, and he returns to put the children to bed with no hassle or fuss. Then he and his wife relax, talk together, and perhaps watch a little television until they retire at a reasonable hour to love each other. Wives may chuckle at this scenario, but this vision is quite common in the fantasy lives of many men. The male need for his wife to "take care of things" - especially him - is widespread, persistent, and deep.
The fifth need is admiration. He needs her to be proud of him. Wives need to learn how to express the admiration they already feel for their husbands instead of pressuring them to greater achievements. Honest admiration is a great motivator for men. When a woman tells a man she thinks he's wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He sees himself capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level.If any of a spouse's five basic needs go unmet, that person becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair. Therefore, the best way to prevent adultery is to meet the needs of your spouse and make your marriage strong.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Dating Questions: Are you gonna jump?
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and we were discussing dating, the important questions that must be asked and the steps to moving forward with a relationship. The comment was made, "Misty I hope you just don't just jump into marriage."
I laughed. Outright laughed.
I then replied and said that I have no intention of "jumping into marriage".
As I drove away from the conversation, I wondered what makes people say something so crazy like that?
As I reflected on the question, I had many more questions:
Then I thought about my life and how I live it...
Have I been one to just jump into something? If so, when?
Then I wondered, does it even matter if I have or haven't jumped into things in the past? What about in the present? Or will in the future? Isn't that kinda irrelevant?
The real question is: Is it possible for someone to just jump into marriage? Do I believe its possible for ME to just jump into marriage [because it doesn't matter if someone else can or not, I only am concerned with me]?
My reflections produced the following thoughts:
I have no intentions of just jumping into marriage. I will be intentional in my process of dating and creating a relationship that enables me to learn about a potential spouse. I will be focused on my decision to marry when I believe I have met the person that fits what I want in a spouse and the relationship is to that stage. I do not look at marriage as an option of something to just try. My decision will be a conscious and planned move, it will not be something I just jump into. I have every intention of spending dedicated and conscious time learning about relationships, the communication styles of men and woman, the art of the dating process, and if marriage is a result of that interaction, I will then be as committed at learning and understanding all aspects of marriage. It will be something new that I will be learning about and moving towards understanding both in an intellectual and emotional sense. I believe the success of a relationship comes from being immersed in it, but not without a plan, without a goal, without my eyes wide open, and without prayer, lots of deep thought provoking heart analysis and prayer!
I do not see jumping into marriage as an option. For me. My aim is for creating the most excellent results and success, which I don't believe comes from just jumping into something this life changing.
Do you believe you can just jump into marriage?
I laughed. Outright laughed.
I then replied and said that I have no intention of "jumping into marriage".
As I drove away from the conversation, I wondered what makes people say something so crazy like that?
As I reflected on the question, I had many more questions:
- Is it possible to just jump into marriage?
- Is it possible to make such a big life changing relationship change and it be something abrupt that you just throw yourself into?
- What does it mean just jump into something?
- What does it look like if you did just jump into something?
Then I thought about my life and how I live it...
Have I been one to just jump into something? If so, when?
Then I wondered, does it even matter if I have or haven't jumped into things in the past? What about in the present? Or will in the future? Isn't that kinda irrelevant?
The real question is: Is it possible for someone to just jump into marriage? Do I believe its possible for ME to just jump into marriage [because it doesn't matter if someone else can or not, I only am concerned with me]?
My reflections produced the following thoughts:
I have no intentions of just jumping into marriage. I will be intentional in my process of dating and creating a relationship that enables me to learn about a potential spouse. I will be focused on my decision to marry when I believe I have met the person that fits what I want in a spouse and the relationship is to that stage. I do not look at marriage as an option of something to just try. My decision will be a conscious and planned move, it will not be something I just jump into. I have every intention of spending dedicated and conscious time learning about relationships, the communication styles of men and woman, the art of the dating process, and if marriage is a result of that interaction, I will then be as committed at learning and understanding all aspects of marriage. It will be something new that I will be learning about and moving towards understanding both in an intellectual and emotional sense. I believe the success of a relationship comes from being immersed in it, but not without a plan, without a goal, without my eyes wide open, and without prayer, lots of deep thought provoking heart analysis and prayer!
I do not see jumping into marriage as an option. For me. My aim is for creating the most excellent results and success, which I don't believe comes from just jumping into something this life changing.
Do you believe you can just jump into marriage?
Monday, August 4, 2014
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Dating Lessons: men want to feel needed
You probably know the statement to be true. Men want to feel needed.
I know this.
You know this.
But are you conscious about relating to them in this space? Do you pay attention to your actions and the message you send?
I was reminded of this when at the track this last week talking with a friend who stated her husband struggles because she is so strong and he wants to feel needed but because he lives the weeks away and is only home on the weekends, she ends up doing the bulk of what needs to be done. I reminded her of this and shared the story I am going to share with you today, to encourage her in her marriage.
So with that...let me share with you a blunder I made on a date and the fact that I got to see how my actions created a response in my date and confirmed clearly, men want to feel needed.
I was on a date with one of the guys I have spent time getting to know. We went in to the convenience store to get some things for the afternoon we were going to spend out on the boat. As we were checking out, I grabbed the bulk of all items [two bags of ice and a bag of beverages] and left the case of water for him. As we went out the doors, he asked to carry my bags. I had it, wasn't fixing to lose anything, and knew I was strong enough, so I told him I was fine. He asked again for me to let him carry something and as I shook my head I turned to look him in the eyes, to tell him my response not just with a nod of the head that clearly I got it, and then informed him that seriously I am used to carrying more than this and I truly was fine.
No sooner had I finished brushing him off quite profusely when I saw the demeanor on his face change. He said nothing. He didn't even try again. But I didn't miss the change in his body language and a shadow that was clearly a look of disappointment and yes hurt that crossed over his face. Someone else might have missed it, but I was keen into it and realized I had screwed up.
I was crushed. This was the last thing I had meant to do. Here I was trying to be helpful and let him know that I would carry my weight and not be a wimpy chic, yet he clearly wanted to carry my load and I was pushing him away.
I gulped back tears. [You might think this was overboard, but seriously, if you had seen his face, you would have too! ...and yes, I aim to please and never hurt and am very intuitive into someone's body language and feelings, no matter how subtle.]
I wasted no time and apologized. I asked him to please be patient with me and understand I come from a space of having nobody to do what I need done and living alone [or with roommates at various times for 7 years] for 17 years. I don't mean to be like this and I want to be different.
The results, I got a big grin.
Totally worth the pain I just experienced that grin was!
Awwwhhhhh, why do we woman make it so difficult for our man? They simple want to be needed. More than that, they need to feel needed.
What can you do today to let your man know, he is needed??? May I encourage you...do it. You will win a smile that is worth every bit of letting him help you!
I know this.
You know this.
But are you conscious about relating to them in this space? Do you pay attention to your actions and the message you send?
I was reminded of this when at the track this last week talking with a friend who stated her husband struggles because she is so strong and he wants to feel needed but because he lives the weeks away and is only home on the weekends, she ends up doing the bulk of what needs to be done. I reminded her of this and shared the story I am going to share with you today, to encourage her in her marriage.
So with that...let me share with you a blunder I made on a date and the fact that I got to see how my actions created a response in my date and confirmed clearly, men want to feel needed.
I was on a date with one of the guys I have spent time getting to know. We went in to the convenience store to get some things for the afternoon we were going to spend out on the boat. As we were checking out, I grabbed the bulk of all items [two bags of ice and a bag of beverages] and left the case of water for him. As we went out the doors, he asked to carry my bags. I had it, wasn't fixing to lose anything, and knew I was strong enough, so I told him I was fine. He asked again for me to let him carry something and as I shook my head I turned to look him in the eyes, to tell him my response not just with a nod of the head that clearly I got it, and then informed him that seriously I am used to carrying more than this and I truly was fine.
No sooner had I finished brushing him off quite profusely when I saw the demeanor on his face change. He said nothing. He didn't even try again. But I didn't miss the change in his body language and a shadow that was clearly a look of disappointment and yes hurt that crossed over his face. Someone else might have missed it, but I was keen into it and realized I had screwed up.
I was crushed. This was the last thing I had meant to do. Here I was trying to be helpful and let him know that I would carry my weight and not be a wimpy chic, yet he clearly wanted to carry my load and I was pushing him away.
I gulped back tears. [You might think this was overboard, but seriously, if you had seen his face, you would have too! ...and yes, I aim to please and never hurt and am very intuitive into someone's body language and feelings, no matter how subtle.]
I wasted no time and apologized. I asked him to please be patient with me and understand I come from a space of having nobody to do what I need done and living alone [or with roommates at various times for 7 years] for 17 years. I don't mean to be like this and I want to be different.
The results, I got a big grin.
Totally worth the pain I just experienced that grin was!
Awwwhhhhh, why do we woman make it so difficult for our man? They simple want to be needed. More than that, they need to feel needed.
What can you do today to let your man know, he is needed??? May I encourage you...do it. You will win a smile that is worth every bit of letting him help you!
Friday, August 1, 2014
a declaration of my purpose
My smile is not fake.
My purpose is genuine.
My life is real, in person and online.
My agenda is without an ulterior motive.
My story is authentic.
My mission is to be bold, courageous, generous, loving, full of excellence and above board.
My heart is for God.
My desire is to stand out, encourage, and support.
My challenge is to fight your negativity, hypocrisy, motives to tear me down and lies you continue to tell me.
My prayer is that I continue to be inspired to be different!
I will not quit.
#CoreValues #BeUnique #LoveRegardless #BeMe #LiveBIG
My purpose is genuine.
My life is real, in person and online.
My agenda is without an ulterior motive.
My story is authentic.
My mission is to be bold, courageous, generous, loving, full of excellence and above board.
My heart is for God.
My desire is to stand out, encourage, and support.
My challenge is to fight your negativity, hypocrisy, motives to tear me down and lies you continue to tell me.
My prayer is that I continue to be inspired to be different!
I will not quit.
#CoreValues #BeUnique #LoveRegardless #BeMe #LiveBIG
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