coach hit a nerve

We began our call stating how we were (we could state any word, just not good for how we were), how we did with our Power Hour Commitments, our daily reciting of our Affirmations, our homework with our Goals Game Plan, and if we connected with our Buddy.  

I said I was feeling uncertainty and a level of anxiety.  I did 4 of 5 Power Hours.  I didn't do any of my Goals Game Plan homework, I connected with my buddy 3 times, including our weekly Accountability Call on Sunday.  

Just like last week, I was in tears working through expressing this on my coaching call.  I explained the reason last weeks call tore me up and the events that transpired last week with being hit on by a married guy who isn't letting up and how it was rocking my world.  I could hardly talk.  The tears and emotional pain I was experiencing were making conversation and communicating really difficult.  The pain deep in my heart hard to make my thoughts make sense.  

This stuff is deep dark work.  It brings up things you thought you had resolved or at least were managing.  And yet in some areas, I know I haven't done a good job at managing, I have simply run and shoved it deep stating it didn't and doesn't matter.  

Wrong.  That's a lie.

In digging into my personality type, I found that as long as I see the goal and understand why, I can and will make it happen.  This to me was the answer as to why I struggled at my homework for last week. I couldn't answer the why.  I am goal oriented, I can make goals like nobody else.  And I will achieve them.  But ask me why they are important?  Why they matter?  Why I should have them?  I will draw a blank and feel stupid.  Utterly stupid.  Especially when I am trying to feel good enough as I am and not be driven to perfection.

In the Q&A I asked how we can work to understand and answer our "why".  My coach worked with me.  He asked me questions. I did my best to answer.  I felt like I wasn't doing a very good job at it.  I cried.  He dug deeper.  He asked me what has made me feel a need to change me now after all these years?  His uncanny ability to see me for me is scary, unnerving and yet insightful.  His words and assessment were:

• Allow yourself to connect with yourself again as a little girl...the girl who was never allowed to be her and who had to grow up early.  [How the hell does he know this???  Its true, but I haven't shared hardly any of my journey with him.  How is he able to see this?]
• It's okay to have fun...its okay to be loved...its okay to be feminine...its okay to feel sexy...Allow yourself to nurture you...allow yourself to be free...What is the gift of allowing me to flourish?  How would you feel?  More confident?  More alive?  More vibrant? Reconnect to your dreams.
• Feeling creates healing...your reconnecting with your heart.  Create positive reinforcement.
• You cannot heal if you're afraid to heal.  {This I know.}  Embrace yourself.  {This I am learning to do.}
• Imagine.  What does nurturing yourself look like?  What does it feel like? {This I do not do well.}
• He took me through an exercise to close my eyes.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Be connected to you.  You have everything you need.  You are loved.  You are beautiful. {This exercise that I have done several times now has tremendous results. It brings a sense of peace and clarity like nothing else...other than my prayer life with God.}
• Redefine who you are! {This I so want, so desperately want.}
• We believe in YOU!

I have spent a good portion of the day crying.  I am going through the emotional trauma I went through last year, all over again, except on a whole new level.  It's crap that has to be dealt with.  It's pain that is intense.  It's emotionally draining.

I am determined to move past my fears.  I am determined to get the help I need to live a joyful life. I am determined to live with no regrets.  I am determined to be positive and encouraging because I know the impact it would have made in my life if I had had it.  I am going to do the hard, very hard work, to redefine me and believe I am Courageous, Good Enough, Loved, Matter, Worthy, Successful, Wanted and Beautiful!!!

We then were asked to Celebrate if we had an accomplishment for the week.  If we achieved a goal.  If we made progress on something.  I should have shared that last weekend I took the entire weekend with Anna to relax, sleep in, not work and spoil me (and her).  I didn't.  Why?  Because this is a new feeling.  This doesn't seem right.  It felt awkward.  It seems like I am being selfish.  It seems like I shouldn't be.

But that is a lie.

I am a Courageous, Generous, Loving Woman of God!  Who deserves to be taken care of, nurtured, cherished, loved, who is worthy of treating herself like a princess.

I am determined to #LiveBIG!

LiveBIG Coaching Week 4

Today was our 4th Coaching Call.

We reviewed questions to ask ourselves as we evaluate our goals and achievement with our Power Hour commitments, Affirmations, Goal Setting & Game Plan, and connection to our Buddy.

Questions:

• What worked or didn't work?
• What is your strategy?
• What is my priority?
• What are you learning about yourself?
• What do you want?
• How do I create it?
• What is creating the resistance?
• How can I build my team?
• What is the simplest thing you can do next?
• What is my goal?
• What is my time management plan?

Things stay in your life until you let them go.  Allow yourself to go thru the feelings and don't beat yourself up.  See resistance for what it is.

Clarity is power.  Chaos and confusion is a natural result when we don't have clarity.

Celebrate weekly...and at your 90 Days. Acknowledge when you did something great.

Reviewed the characteristics of the Warrior, Healer, Visionary, and Oracle (personality types).  Reviewed the drivers behind each of these.

Ask:  

• What fulfills you?
• What engages you?
• What excites you?
• Are these limiting beliefs? or doubts?
• Is it serving you?
• Is it fulfilling?

Some can be learned behaviors...adapted vs natural.

When in your strengths, you are untouchable.

Look at the pain connectors.

Allow yourself to experience what will happen if you allow yourself to experience these feelings and answers to these questions.

a lesson in fun from LiveBIG

So I am a workaholic.  Admittedly.

This is a known fact.  One that I am working desperately to change, but seem to continually battle.  How do you get ahead and cut back?  How do you learn more and cut back?  How do you grow a business and cut back?  How do you find balance when you truly love to work?  How do you delegate when it seems nobody does it like you do?  How do you???

Tony, Gerald & Marci made us all have some fun in the midst of our grueling work.  

The first night we did a personality test to put us as a Warrior, Oracle, Visionary or Healer.  We then were moved into the group that we were the strongest in and did a group task about personalities, making a list of all our traits, interacting with other like minded people just like us.  Learning more about who we are, what our characteristics are like.  The good, the bad, the awesome, the not so cool.  We then had a group discussion about it and got to share insights about us with others up front in front of the other personality types.  It truly was fun.  We all learned stuff.

The second night they asked if we had fun and had us make a list of traits and characteristics of what fun brought and what it looked like.  We then were divided into groups and made to do a skit and it had to relate to LiveBIG.  If you know me, this is not my strong point.  I do well with teaching, with math, with fixing problems, but acting out and being a goof ball, ummmmmmm, not so much.  My group sat there unable to come up with ideas.  Our 15 minutes was on the countdown quickly to get our game plan together.  At less than 5 minutes to go, I was like "Peeps, we got to get this in gear!"  I told my buddy, one of the girls in my group, that this was so not my thing and I couldn't wait until it was over.  She said, "I know, but you will do great."  Ugh, she doesn't know how much I hate this kind of thing. I feel so out of my element. I feel so utterly stupid.  Slowly the details started coming and we had our skit.  We were not the first to be "on stage" and so we got to see some of the other groups.  If I remember correctly, there were I think 6 groups.  Each group did a great job at representing some nugget or lesson we all were taught during the LiveBIG event.  Each group had their own way of making that message get conveyed and most of them were hilarious.  By the end of the night, we all were laughing hysterically.  These people truly had fun.  Mocking, mimicking, teasing, laughing, impersonating, reflecting and acting as Tony, Gerald and Marci!!!  It was absolutely amazing to see the skill set people have and the things they can come up with.  Truly hilarious.

The third night we had our graduation ceremony, everyone in a circle, arms connected, deeply appreciating the journey we had been on with each other.  It was an happy emotional party time experience for me.  These friends had been with me for 3 days on my courageous journey.  They had loved me.  They had supported me.  They had encouraged me.  They had admired me.  They had praised me.  They had been with me in my pain.

Every night there was a dance party if you wanted to join with upbeat music that made you happy.  Some people stayed and some people left.  I joined in the first night until my asthma had me coughing until I couldn't stop and it was time to call it a night.  The second night, I was coughing before we ever got started because of laughing so hard during the skits that I just stood and chatted with friends until I felt it was time to take myself to bed tired self to bed.

LiveBIG taught me...no matter how tough life gets, you need to have fun.  No matter how hard something is, you need to laugh.  No matter what you think you can or can't do, you can find a way to have fun.  No matter what you are facing, there is always room for fun.

#LiveBIG my friends