Today, I am going to share some thoughts on selfishness. The post may be controversial. It won't be the first topic I have posted that is. Nor will it be the last. If it makes you mad, you don't agree, please know you have that option. My post is not to convince you of anything. It is to ask you to think and consider my thoughts.
We have been taught as a society that for someone to commit suicide that that is selfish. I have given this some serious thought. In reflecting I ask these questions:
Why do we believe that?
Why are we taught this?
Why do we think that is selfish?
Life is a gift, from God. We don't get to choose it, it is chosen for us. So if someone is miserable and wants out, is that selfish?
As many of you know, my brother has attempted suicide 7 times now (that I know of). He is an unhappy guy. He is alive, but is constantly depressed. He is unmotivated, sad, doesn't believe he can be different, moody, feels like a failure, feels he has no potential, doesn't feel loved, lives with horrific regrets, believes he is worse than anyone else, etc. My brother continues to make choices. Believe me, I relate to his struggles. I know what he is facing. I know it is hard. Maybe not completely as there are some things I have never experienced, like prison, but there are others I have faced exactly what he has. Setting aside the fact that he continues to feel and believe these things and not utilize God for the strength he can give him to work through these thoughts and feelings, I ask you to consider this: Is it not selfish of him to continue to think those things about himself when God states otherwise?
As I reflected on that question, I wondered:
Is it selfish to give your child up for adoption? Especially when you don't feel you can give to them what they need? Or do you think it would be better they keep the child, treat it poorly, resent it, and not give it what it needs. Is that any less selfish?
Is it selfish to get a divorce? Or do you think it would be better that the couple stays together, hate each other, treat each other rudely, not show love or care or respect, for the sake of the children and appearance of selfishness?
Is it selfish to look for another job? Or do you think it would be better that you stay at the employer, do what you have always done, because God has called you to be a servant so going elsewhere wouldn't be appropriate and would only be selfish.
Is it selfish to want to better yourself? Or do you think you should be content with who you are and just accept yourself because wanting anything differently is selfish.
Selfish = devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, welfare, etc., regardless of others
God says he remembers are frame and that we are dust. I think that means more than we give it credit for. God has come to give us a life of joy. If we are not going to participate in it, is continuing to live here just because everyone says it is selfish to commit suicide not selfish in itself? Couldn't not changing our focus be just as selfish?
I am not sure I believe anymore that to attempt suicide is "selfish", at least the way it has been portrayed to me up until now. Yes, it is sad, but selfish, I am not sure that's the way we should look at it, anymore than the other things I asked you are selfish. I think anything in our life can become selfish if we don't keep it in perspective, suicide is not any more or any less selfish than anything else in our lives.
I shared these thoughts recently with a friend and she was immensely concerned that I am suicidal if I were to even talk and think about such things. I assure you, I am not. I am however questioning the foundation of things I have been taught and trying to look at it through God's eyes.
We are selfish creatures, everything we do is about us. We have to learn to not be selfish, to put others first, in all areas, to reach out and love but sometimes we have to stop and take care of ourselves and that is not selfish.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
dealing w/Texas Weather
Texas is one of those states that gets really bad weather, but not frequently enough for people to know how to deal with it, drive in it, prepare for it, act in it, or make the most of it.
I have been here 16 years (as of September) and this is the worst ice storm we have ever had.
I learned weather was going to be bad when I was at a clients office this week, the one I travel to weekly. I don't check the weather. My mom was a volunteer California Weather Spotter. She was obsessed with the weather. Majorly obsessed with it. It wasn't just a hobby, it was used to predict sickness, turned into panic, a cause for all bad moods and arguments, etc. So consequently, I think in my quest to establish a new pattern of thinking about the weather, I found myself never checking the weather. I would just wake up, see what the weather was as it felt to me by peeking out the window and maybe going out on the front porch, and make a go for it. If its a Texas day that turns really cold and I didn't plan a jacket warm enough, I don't complain, I would just deal with it. I mean, what did they do before weathermen anyways? I have lived. Maybe I could utilize that little weather app on my phone a bit more, but I haven't. Usually someone in my Facebook feed alerts me bad weather is coming. Somehow I hear.
Living in Texas and not experiencing bad weather enough means that people go crazy when it is called for. And if it doesn't happen, people get upset. Its kinda strange. There have been numerous false alarms. It seems to sneak upon us when they least call for it. Not this time though.
It was 78* on Thursday. My client wanted me to leave the office early (he had suggested like 4pm) in order to avoid any issues on the roads, at the same time, I needed to have new hire paperwork, contracts, and other lengthy documents prepared and ready for a new provider starting this upcoming Monday. I didn't get the paperwork done until 6.15pm. Sure, I could have walked out at 4pm, but if I had, there would be no way to leave the paperwork all filled out, with stickies in the areas signatures were needed, with little notes of instruction, etc. It would have had to wait until I was onsite later in the week. A delay I didn't feel we could do. I stayed and made sure I got the paperwork all done.
As I got in my car, there were ice pellets on my windshield. It didn't take long to get things to thaw, 5 minutes or so, and I got on the road. The roads were fine. No slush. Nothing freezing over. I figured my drive home would be a piece of cake.
Wrong. There were numerous wrecks. People already acting crazy. People already spinning out due to the rain. It took 2 hours to get home. I contemplated stopping by the grocery store to get a few items, but knew that they would be crammed, they always are before a storm. People act like they will be snowed in for weeks. I decided I would make use of what I had, whatever that was. I knew it was limited as I haven't been grocery shopping in 3 plus weeks. In my quest this year to condense belongings, this has also affected my pantry. I don't keep the stock I used to in it, though believe me, for one person there still seems to be plenty, but never of the things I want and use most. The drive had me frustrated. I had wanted to watch the LIVE presentation of The Sound of Music on top of the fact we were crawling from 5-7mph for no reason, mile after mile after mile. A friend had brought over a TV to my house so I could watch it at my house and I guess that got my hopes up that I would get to.
I finally made it home, unloaded the car, got the mail, set up the TV, and watched the little bit of the Broadway Musical that I could, and went to bed.
I woke up Friday Morning to some thick cold ice. It was 16* when I woke up around 9am. Frigid for sure!!! A 70* drop in one day!!! Incredible. I don't think it has ever been that cold here. I learned later in the day we made record temperatures in history for as cold as it was.
It was hard to stay warm. I stayed in my pj's all day, a scarf around my neck and my long wool coat on. I am sure that I looked like a goof, but hey, nobody here to see me and I was not going to be cold.
I spent the Friday and Saturday working, making some calls to recruiters, interviewing providers, doing accounting tasks, catching up on emails, etc. I wanted to be lazy like everyone else, but entrepreneurship doesn't allow that. Lots of people electricity was going out, I figured mine would at some point too, so I decided I had best make the most of it while I had it. Though I must tell you I secretly hoped it would so I could go read and knit!
I ate the only can of tomato soup with sourdough grilled cheese sandwich. I wanted hot chocolate, but the homemade kind is better with milk instead of water, and since I had no milk, I opted for hot tea. There was no honey, so I had to use sugar, my least favorite. There was one granola bar left. I had leftover pot roast, potatoes and carrots. I made nachos with leftover turkey. I ate sweet potato hash browns with an egg. The options tomorrow are going to be even less because there isn't too much left. I am missing my fruit and veggies. I am missing more soup options.
Mistake #1: I should probably have gotten a few groceries, like milk, peanut butter, honey and soup
Mistake #2: I should have brought firewood into the house
Mistake #3: I should have taken more time off to relax and just chill, everyone else was!!!
Today I have chilled, in my pj's again for the 3rd day, but I opted not to work. Yes, there is paperwork galore that can be done, but I am taking the day off to chill and knit. I couldn't locate any dry enough firewood in the stack, so I had to do without that. I watch a church service online. I listened to Pandora. I wrote a few blog posts.
It's just me and I am making it, maybe not in high style, but I will survive!
I have been here 16 years (as of September) and this is the worst ice storm we have ever had.
I learned weather was going to be bad when I was at a clients office this week, the one I travel to weekly. I don't check the weather. My mom was a volunteer California Weather Spotter. She was obsessed with the weather. Majorly obsessed with it. It wasn't just a hobby, it was used to predict sickness, turned into panic, a cause for all bad moods and arguments, etc. So consequently, I think in my quest to establish a new pattern of thinking about the weather, I found myself never checking the weather. I would just wake up, see what the weather was as it felt to me by peeking out the window and maybe going out on the front porch, and make a go for it. If its a Texas day that turns really cold and I didn't plan a jacket warm enough, I don't complain, I would just deal with it. I mean, what did they do before weathermen anyways? I have lived. Maybe I could utilize that little weather app on my phone a bit more, but I haven't. Usually someone in my Facebook feed alerts me bad weather is coming. Somehow I hear.
Living in Texas and not experiencing bad weather enough means that people go crazy when it is called for. And if it doesn't happen, people get upset. Its kinda strange. There have been numerous false alarms. It seems to sneak upon us when they least call for it. Not this time though.
It was 78* on Thursday. My client wanted me to leave the office early (he had suggested like 4pm) in order to avoid any issues on the roads, at the same time, I needed to have new hire paperwork, contracts, and other lengthy documents prepared and ready for a new provider starting this upcoming Monday. I didn't get the paperwork done until 6.15pm. Sure, I could have walked out at 4pm, but if I had, there would be no way to leave the paperwork all filled out, with stickies in the areas signatures were needed, with little notes of instruction, etc. It would have had to wait until I was onsite later in the week. A delay I didn't feel we could do. I stayed and made sure I got the paperwork all done.
As I got in my car, there were ice pellets on my windshield. It didn't take long to get things to thaw, 5 minutes or so, and I got on the road. The roads were fine. No slush. Nothing freezing over. I figured my drive home would be a piece of cake.
Wrong. There were numerous wrecks. People already acting crazy. People already spinning out due to the rain. It took 2 hours to get home. I contemplated stopping by the grocery store to get a few items, but knew that they would be crammed, they always are before a storm. People act like they will be snowed in for weeks. I decided I would make use of what I had, whatever that was. I knew it was limited as I haven't been grocery shopping in 3 plus weeks. In my quest this year to condense belongings, this has also affected my pantry. I don't keep the stock I used to in it, though believe me, for one person there still seems to be plenty, but never of the things I want and use most. The drive had me frustrated. I had wanted to watch the LIVE presentation of The Sound of Music on top of the fact we were crawling from 5-7mph for no reason, mile after mile after mile. A friend had brought over a TV to my house so I could watch it at my house and I guess that got my hopes up that I would get to.
I finally made it home, unloaded the car, got the mail, set up the TV, and watched the little bit of the Broadway Musical that I could, and went to bed.
I woke up Friday Morning to some thick cold ice. It was 16* when I woke up around 9am. Frigid for sure!!! A 70* drop in one day!!! Incredible. I don't think it has ever been that cold here. I learned later in the day we made record temperatures in history for as cold as it was.
It was hard to stay warm. I stayed in my pj's all day, a scarf around my neck and my long wool coat on. I am sure that I looked like a goof, but hey, nobody here to see me and I was not going to be cold.
I spent the Friday and Saturday working, making some calls to recruiters, interviewing providers, doing accounting tasks, catching up on emails, etc. I wanted to be lazy like everyone else, but entrepreneurship doesn't allow that. Lots of people electricity was going out, I figured mine would at some point too, so I decided I had best make the most of it while I had it. Though I must tell you I secretly hoped it would so I could go read and knit!
I ate the only can of tomato soup with sourdough grilled cheese sandwich. I wanted hot chocolate, but the homemade kind is better with milk instead of water, and since I had no milk, I opted for hot tea. There was no honey, so I had to use sugar, my least favorite. There was one granola bar left. I had leftover pot roast, potatoes and carrots. I made nachos with leftover turkey. I ate sweet potato hash browns with an egg. The options tomorrow are going to be even less because there isn't too much left. I am missing my fruit and veggies. I am missing more soup options.
Mistake #1: I should probably have gotten a few groceries, like milk, peanut butter, honey and soup
Mistake #2: I should have brought firewood into the house
Mistake #3: I should have taken more time off to relax and just chill, everyone else was!!!
Today I have chilled, in my pj's again for the 3rd day, but I opted not to work. Yes, there is paperwork galore that can be done, but I am taking the day off to chill and knit. I couldn't locate any dry enough firewood in the stack, so I had to do without that. I watch a church service online. I listened to Pandora. I wrote a few blog posts.
It's just me and I am making it, maybe not in high style, but I will survive!
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