Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I get asked this question frequently..."Why aren't you married?"

How do you answer that???  
I have tried, but every time it seems to fail.

I get told, "I never would have thought you were not married." or "You just seem like someone who would be married." or "Don't you want to be married?"

I wonder why it matters? I wonder why we put such importance on being married, like if you are you have truly accomplished something and if you are not, well then something is wrong with you.  Why???  

I know I was raised that getting married was THE Goal.  I mean this huge thing that you lived your entire childhood for.  I realize that God created men and women and the idea is for both to have their half, I get that.  I have no argument with the fact that is the design.  When that card is not in your hand, how are you expected to play something you haven't drawn from the deck of cards?  

I just wonder why people rate you on this factor.  We all know that being married is not going to make you happy.  If you are content in your life I believe finding your prince will only make your life that much happier, but if you are not and you are focused on marriage as the answer to your life problems, you will only be more miserable.  I have been told many times that if you are not happy being single you will never be happy being married.  So when we all know this, why do we "rate" people on whether they are married or not?  You might seem to think it is a crazy question, but I don't.  I think we focus on too many things that are not where are focus needs to be and consequently we make battles for other people more difficult then if we had the vision where it should be.  

God wants me to serve Him with my whole heart, married or not.

God wants me to be loving to everyone, not just the man in my life.

God wants me to share his light with everyone, not just show off the shinning light on my ring finger.

God wants me to be content, whether I have a special someone in my life or not.

God wants me to be grateful for all I have, even if that means no prince came to sweep me off my feet.

How can we help people realize that they are rating us on the wrong terms?  How can we let people know we are content being single because we are!  How can we let people know that the love you show to us means more in a day then the man we don't have to snuggle with at night?  How do you tell someone that though you have been proposed to (not by a guy you were actually trying to get to know on that level) and that is not what you want?  How do you explain these things?

I try.
I fail.
I try again.

Maybe there is no way to explain because the foundation of the focus and rating is all on the wrong terms and until they realize you can be happy single, they will not understand you.


I can still have you over to my casa to entertain you with lovely food and conversation...even if the man of the house is not home.  So, please, don't rate me on the marriage card.  It is missing in action and hasn't been found.


  1. This was a great post and I totally agree with u. I never thought I would be married thankfully the lord blessed me with a husband and family but I would hope I could find a place of peace and rest just being me the way god would have me be.

  2. Thanks for the comment "Exploding with Smiles"! We each have to find a place of peace and rest, married or not.