Saturday, February 18, 2012

overwhelmed with work...

I am overwhelmed with work.  Majorly overwhelmed.

My industry went through some horrific changes the first of the year.  The 6 weeks prior to it and ever since have been a nightmare.  I blog about some of that on my business blog.  Many days, I feel like I am running in circles around the block and that I am just stopping long enough to refuel the fire extinguisher and hit the road again flying on my roller blades around the next corner, hoping that at some point I will beat the wind that keeps spreading the flames.  

You laugh.  Its truly not a laughing matter.  The seriousness of the issue has some medical clinics and practices close to shutting their doors.  My clients are having cash flow crisis issues beyond words.  The look of fear in their eyes, the scared stiff feelings it has created in them, the stress in their staff, the nightmare they hoped to never be living, the pain of questions as to why when I don't have any of the logical answers they seek to obtain, the dream of what they were building appearing to be crashing all around them, all of it is clearly visible...and it is hard to watch.  

I have to step back from the scene and remember to take a deep breath.  Remember to pray.  Remember to ask for strength, courage and support from my close friends but above all from God.  He is with me when nobody else can be.  He guides me when I am racing through the smoke.  He knows my feelings when I hear the panic bell blazing and everyone screaming.  He knows that it takes endurance even when you are drained to the last drop.  He knows its trauma time and has a rescue plan in place.  He has been with me the last 35 years for every 365 days of them, I know He won't let me down now.

As a rescue team member, I don't get the option to leave, to run and hide, to leave someone there hurting and exposed to more danger.  It is my responsibility to pull them out, direct to a less dangerous area, guide through the chaos, and protect from more harm.  

Some of my friends don't understand.  Some of them don't get the reply "I am sorry, I have not had time."  They think it is an excuse.  They think I am avoiding them.  I am not.  Don't come to my house, I promise you it isn't orderly. In fact, you probably would look down on me and despise me for the state it is in.  I wish I was superwoman, and I must confess deep down in my heart I try to be, but my cape is missing in action.  

Yes, I know each of us make time for the things that we feel are important, but have you ever faced a fiasco so enormous that you had to shove everything, literally, out of your life just to keep sanity?  Just to be able to do what had to be done and nothing else. Absolutely nothing?  If you haven't, then you can't relate.  Nothing, absolutely nothing I say here will convey what I am facing.  The words will be lost.  The message won't be understood.

Someday, maybe, I will have time to write a book about it.  Someday, maybe I will be able to resume reading my personal emails.  Someday maybe I will do more than eat drink and sleep work.  But for now, I stay committed and focused to providing a service to my clients as unto my master for He has given me a calling to do just that.

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