Sunday, June 10, 2012

Do you ever feel this way?

Do you ever feel like you wish you could understand why?  Understand the reason?  The true cause?  

I do.

I am 35.  I continue to fight Endometriosis.  I continue to face the hormone difficulties that that causes.  In the midst of all this, I am trying to figure out and manage my Adrenal Fatigue that I have had since 2009.  If that wasn't enough, I am dealing with potentially Premenopausal symptoms that may or may not be legit since I have been on synthetic hormones for most of my life [since the age of 13 except for a 3 year time span in my teens and a 6 month time span in the last year].  I deal with pain.  Ongoing bleeding beyond what is considered the norm.  Night sweats.  Insomnia.  Extreme hair loss.  Nausea.  I do this as much as I can without complaining.  I am not perfect.  I get sick of it.  I get crabby.  I get discouraged.  I want whatever normal is.  I am frustrated and wish I wasn't up against a brick wall facing a disease that there is no cure for.  Wondering what decision to make next.  Wavering at knowing how much more money to spend on alternative medicine.  Contemplating what other alternative medicine forms to try.  Disbelieving in all the products and people that state they are your "one cure" and will absolutely fix you and heal you.  Facing challenges that medical doctors really can't control even though they wish they could.  Imagining the short term relief from a 4th surgery to laser off the adhesion's since it has been nearly 5.5 years since my last.  Never knowing when a hysterectomy is the answer, if the answer at all.

Yes, I wish I could understand the reason behind Endometriosis.  I wish I could create a cure.  Wish I could have been the lady that touched the Lord's robe in the bible and been done with the years of hassles, pain, tears, and frustration.  Heaven is sounding more and more like my only answer for bliss!  I must work at accepting my situation more because God knows the why's, even when I don't.  

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