Sunday, April 28, 2013

[romans 5:8]

I spent a quiet morning at home today preparing for my day, before heading out for a first time experience of Sunday School, enjoying the overcast sky, the cool air after my morning walk, the lack of having to hurry out the door, praying, asking God to be with me, particularly as I continue to work through a bunch of thoughts and feelings in my heart and mind right now that are overflowing with memories and issues from my childhood since this incident with a client.  Things that are making every day life hard.  Things that I thought I had resolved and dealt with, coming back to haunt me.  Things that have created nightmares, flashbacks and heartache.  Things I would rather run from then have to face.  Things that are making me an emotional mess, which is not me, I am not a crier...but I am right now, tears brim over my eyelids and stream down my face and I fight to be able to say anything.

I have created a list on Facebook of spiritual pages, ministries, and bible companies I follow so that I can just read them as a news feed spending time with God alone in this way so that I will not see anything by my friends, networking connections, companies or pages I like.  I created this so that when I want to spend some time with God, besides His Word, I can have Facebook with Jesus or Jesus Time on Facebook [whichever way you prefer it said].  As I was reading and sorting through the things I was seeing in my news feed, this above image was posted.  It grabbed me.  It made my heart stop and Thank God for once again, being there for me, in my darkest.  The darkest parts of my life that I face when others turn away.  When people don't understand what I am facing.  When people assume you just need to "move on" or "get over it".  
When people say hurtful things.  When the pain is just overwhelming.  When nothing seems to bring comfort.  When things that were once sunny get overcast, turn dark, gloomy, even rain and bring storms, God loves me.  He LOVES me!  

He loves me during this really hard time.  He knows my thoughts.  He knows what is hurting.  He knows my past.  He knows why all this is hard.  He knows that it has turned my world upside down and made it dark.  He cares, beyond it all.

Even in my darkest moment in life, He loves me!  He is the light in my dark.