Why you ask?
The incident with a client on 03.23.2013 has rocked my world. It has made the 1st 20 years of my life once again, very vivid. Memories flood the brain, the heart, the body, the feelings, my very existence and I can't shake them off. I
Why did God allow this? What am I to learn? How is this supposed to be good for me? I donno the answers to those questions yet, though at the moment I am not even trying to figure the answer out. I know His plan for my journey is perfect and if I trust Him in this [again] He will give me the strength to face these emotions that have me turned upside down. He will work this out for my good. Somehow. Someway. It will be pieced together in the puzzle and the end result will be a picture that brings glory for Him. Not for me.
Was I ready for this? No. Am I delighting in my extreme trial at the moment? No. I won't lie to you. I am not taking this in stride and I am emotionally sick. If I had my way I would run away. Where too? Somewhere where I didn't feel what I am feeling now. Somewhere where I could escape. Somewhere where it erased it all. Somewhere where I wasn't feeling pain. For now, there is no way to escape and I must endure this. God has called me to endure this. For Him. It is in that that, and only in that, that I have courage.