Friday, June 28, 2013

texts from Mom

I had not seen my Mom in 15 years until February 2013 at Dad's Memorial.  For whatever reason since that time, she has decided that she wants to text me...

This started April 26th with a text "Thinking of U-hope u r fine Mom".

When I got it, I must be honest and tell you that I was a bit irritated.  I have no reason to believe my Mom cares.  She has done nothing to show me she cares since I left home September 1997.  I have been out of her life for nearly 16 years.  She suddenly thinks because I came for Dad's Memorial in February of this year that we are on terms?  I decided I would respond, I would not be rude, cold or heartless.  "Thanks.  Physically doing much better since surgery."  

4 days later she text again: "Misty Im having some hard days...Thx 4 any lv+support Mom".  

I responded "Will continue to pray for you!" "Hard days physically?  Missing Dad?"
No response.  
Why would you ask me to pray for you and then not respond?  Makes no sense.

A month later: "Prayn 4 U hop U R fine"

I responded "Having a fun lazy wknd in Missouri!"

9 days later: "Car ovrheat...repairs/$650.  Cant take anymore stress. MOM"

This set me back into my childhood very quickly.  Our lives were full of stress.  Mom always felt she didn't deserve anything that was happening and it was always someone elses problem.
I responded "Will pray for you and ask the Lord to give you strength.  He will when we rely in Him."  "Life sends us challenges so that we trust God and nobody else."  
She replied "Please pray 4 mercy 4 me."
I did not respond.

The next day: "My car fix THX 4 Prar MOM"
I did not respond.

10 days later: "Thinking of U Mom."

Again, I did not respond.

At this point, I was struggling with knowing what to do.  I was starting to feel angry that she was invading my life, without permission, with assumption.  I struggled because deep down, I would like to show my Mom the Love of God, but she refuses to see things as they are.  She refuses to acknowledge what happened to us children and was done to us children by her and Dad.  Dad wrote me a letter November 2012, before he passed away asking for forgiveness and a chance that his letter would help heal the hurt and wound he had caused.  Mom has not done anything to acknowledge her part in our lives.  

I felt that space and time was needed and prayer.  Lots of prayer.

Then 11 days after all this she sent this: "Am having difficulty getting my money...may have-to sell house please pray. Mom"

This is when I knew things had gone too far.  She is thinking she can just jump in my life and expect me to handle her problems.  These are not my problems.  She and Daddy changed the way they were living and their lifestyle from the way we were taught, bought stuff, lots of stuff they don't need, and I am not going to allow her to think everything is okay.

I responded "Mom, I am not aware of what money you are referring to since it is my understanding you got the money from the life ins policy Gma Omi had on Dad. You may need to re-evaluate your situation and sell the house and things to live.  I am sure its more than you probably want for one person.  Will continue to pray that you will follow the Lord.  He gives and He takes away!  But in all things it works for our good.  There is nothing to fear.  You may need to get a job to support yourself.  I do not know your financial situation since I have not been in your life for nearly 16 years.  I would expect that there are others closer to the situation that can advise you."

Her response "Dear Misty, Yes my disability money I am unable to hold a job-cannot possibly support myself...anyway you/family can help will be appreciated-impossible to move/sell house w/o help...please pray"

My response "Disability for what condition?  I was unaware you were disabled.  Are you willing to sell everything you do not need?  Are you willing for people to help you achieve this?  Or are you going to hold back the help?"

Her response "Im asking my family 2 help anyway they can as our Lord directs T+I need help THX" "Please be gentle it will take time, not even 6months 2 adjust2-house+everything going/if we go to fast I will die, where will u put me?+my things?4now I will have to stay here THX 4 any help"

My response "Did you and Dad make plans?  Did you save money?  Do you have will?  What do you want?  Have you asked Mindy for advise?  Help?  You made it very clear when I left home September 1997 that I was not welcome back.  In 1994 you stated I was no longer 1st born and that Mindy & Terry have precedent over me in your estate and finances.  I will pray for you Mom. The Lord will lead you and guide you.  He will show you what to do.  These are not my problems.  You reap what you sow.  Gods word is faithful.  I am not sure that I am the person to help you.  You have not acknowledged anything as Dad has.  And until you see things according to truth you will not prosper.  I love you.  I want what is best for you and know that God will provide what you need.  He also asks us to do our part in faith.  I am not sure now is the time for you to do anything however if you are forced to because of finances God will give you strength if you ask Him for it.  He loves you much and wants to supply your needs.  He wants you to trust Him.  He wants you to lean on Him.  Nobody or anything else.  I am working out of town at a clients office.  I must run but will be in prayer for you and the family."

Her response "Dear Misty. Dad did not ask me 2 confess anything...if U cannot help w/o getting into the past please don't now is not the time, please forgive me for anything past Mom"

My response Dad should not be the one who decides when we need to ask for forgiveness.  I have forgiven you.  However a bridge cannot be repaired and a clean slate started without addressing the past.  I can't ignore the past and should not be expected to.  20 years of hurt, pain, wrong doings, manipulation, control, double standards, slander, and abuse cannot be ignored.  The only person who can wipe that slate clean for you is God. I am not angry.  I am not bitter.  I just can't let you think this can be swept over.  I want the best for you!!! I want you to get the help you need.  I want you to be free of all this mess.  I want you to trust God and not live in fear!  I want you to believe God will help you!  I want you to realize that He is gonna make a way thru this dark time you are facing. I believe that Mom!!!  God is gracious...full of compassion...loving...kind...and gives us more than we can deserve!!! I will be praying fervently for you!"

Her response "If I have another husband, he will decide back issues, bye 4 now all my love, Mom"

...I know many of you do not know my story, you do not know what I faced as a child and all the things I have overcome.  My blog is my life, my personal life and I write about stuff to work through it and to get it out.  Blogging friend, I need your prayers!  This mess with my Mom in the middle of having started counseling June 3rd, is making things hard.  Its pressing into a wound that has been stirred up and its creating grief.  I will blog more about my thoughts later...

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