Thursday, July 4, 2013

5 Reasons I am Single

I get asked frequently, "Misty, you don't have a man?"..."Why not?"..."You think wearing a ring on your left hand is gonna get you one?"..."Don't you want to get married?"
Nearly all my friends are married.  According to my Mom's standards, I should be too.  I'm not and don't know if I will ever be.  [We won't go into what she thinks of me since I am not married.]

There was a time this bothered me greatly and it was fueled by a christian environment that put all the focus on girls getting married at a young age to become wives and mothers.  The attributes that were encouraged you learn, live and focus on doing were anything that fed that model.  If it didn't, it wasn't "godly".  

The longer I lived, the more I came to understand what I wanted out of life, the more I realized that your life will change greatly being married [not necessarily a bad thing - just different], the more I realized that just finding a man that "is a Christian" is not enough [it must be a fit beyond just having God apart of your life], the more I realized that God's ways are best and if He doesn't have a man for you - your life can still be an encouragement and you can still have a calling and live a live of purpose and passion as a single gal. The longer I lived away from my childhood - away from a Mom who created fear in me, was hurtful, manipulative, controlling, living a life full of double standards, filled with slander; verbally, emotionally and physically abusive...away from a Father who was distant, who told me that he didn't want me and the only reason they had kids was because Mom wanted them, and who didn't show love to me...and from the man in the medical field who I thought was a someone I could trust but in turn raped me nearly 20 years ago [and yes, unfortunately, I still remember everything as if it was just yesterday], away from the hurtful relationships with family and men to an environment where I created new friendships and relationship that were loving, supportive and positive - the more I realized I had a great life, a really great life, and the more I didn't want to mess that up in anyway with a man in it.  If a man would come into my life and make it better, he was welcome, but if he was gonna destroy the peace I have and the work I have done to become a better person and trust that God loves me and has a plan for my life in spite of the pain, I am not interest and don't want him!  No, I will let no man take away this peace!!! All these things made me realize that they had shaped my life to be who I am and it was easier for me to accept being single.   

Don't get me wrong, it is every girls dream to have her wedding and be married.  It is every girl's dream to meet the prince that will have the slipper and carriage to take her away from the the one to wake her up out of a dream with a the one to ride in on a white be a real life Nicholas Sparks male character!  To think we don't feel that way is simply being unromantic, which is who we are at heart!  Our dreams are set as a young girl on finding our special man, the one man, that is ours to love with all our heart, mind and soul!

Now, having prefaced all this by telling you I am content being single, I don't want you to think that there aren't days I have my battles with it.  Believe me, I do.  I can be with my friends and watch them interact with the special person in their life whether that be snuggled down on the couch, cooking together in the kitchen, kissing each other, someone to tease, someone that calls to check in and see what you are up to because they want to - they miss you - they love you, or just having a companion to hang out with.  There are days I wonder if I will always be single...but at the same time, none of the reasons I listed above have diminished.  If anything I have become more confident in the fact that if I ever have a man in my life on a serious level beyond just a guy friend [and yes, I have learned you can have guys in your life that are kind and loving, even if I never dreamed that was possible - I love all my guy friends because they have taught me lessons and are still teaching me lessons], he is gonna have to have attributes that draw me to him, I am not getting married "just because".
So I have decided to make a list of reasons I am not married and the next time I get asked, they will have more than one answer:
  • I am a God Girl.  This song by Jamie Grace describes it so well!  I want what God wants for me and so far, that has not included a husband.  If it ever does, I will be glad to change gears.
  • I want a guy that believes in God, lives for God, wants God apart of every part of his life and wants me to join him in that venture.  
  • I am not out "searching" for a man.  If God wants one in my life, He will cause my path to cross his! I believe it without a doubt!!! And if you must know, I don't believe I have the ability to "pick" a man...God is the only one who knows who is a fit for me.  And yes, I believe it will be a perfect fit.
  • I am not just looking to get me "a husband".  I want a friend, companion, someone who is giving and loving, someone who makes me smile and lights up my world, someone who wants to go shop with me  [no not like my girlfriends would all day - but he better not detest it] just as much as he wants me to sit and watch football with him [a sport I see not absolute sense in, running after a ball to jump in a heap over???], someone who will love me for the baggage I have and help me unpack it, sort it out, and put it where it belongs; someone who adds more to my life then already exists, someone who wants to make me a better person and will put his heart, mind and soul into doing so, someone who believes and lives a relationship that is a two way street, and someone who wants me and will allow me to love him back the same way and on the same terms that I want to be loved!
  • I am not interested in a guy "checking me out" and only interested in me because of what he see's on the outside, the physical attributes God gave me that I can't control.  I am not a trophy girl and don't want to be treated like such.  I am not interested in a husband that only wants to be married to enjoy the marriage relationship because of the intimacy that comes with it and not be a friend.  I want a relationship that is unconditional.  I wanna know true love.  I want him to love me, inside and out, for me!  
So because of those 5 reasons, I don't have a man.  Yes, I have seen many really cute guys.  And some downright handsome guys.  You could say that I have "dated", but all these guys never felt that I was worth it nor could they be a true friend.  They felt that I ask too many questions and some even felt I had/have too high of expectations.  In all honestly, I have had more one sided relationships than dates [otherwise known as a crush or infatuation since the feelings were not mutual or returned] and I am sure there are a million reasons for this...but unless the above things can be meet, I will remain single and am happy to serve my God in this way!

Then you ask, what is the real reason I wear a ring on my left hand?  To deter those guys who are out trying to check me out.  You know the kind of guys I am talking about.  The ones that more than just glance over at you at the stop light and make you wish you had more than sunglasses on because there eyes are piercing straight through you.  The ones at the airport that are completing your sale for a purchase for food before boarding the plane that say, "You on your way home to your man?"  You think I am joking?  This actually happened!  To which I just smiled and did not verbally answer, and he said "I am sure he is one lucky guy".  Those guys.  The ones that make the pit of your stomach wanna lurch.  The ones that are fishing for any bate that will respond.  Believe me, I know that wearing a band on my left hand doesn't stop men from looking, it hasn't.  You think I got these types of questions with or without a band?  Yes, I have with and without as I haven't always worn a band on my left hand, but it does make a difference.  You may not believe me, but I have experienced the difference.  Many men don't care if you are married or not, I know this.  That's not the kind of guy I want.  If he truly wants to get to know me, he will learn the truth and will know that I am single.  That's at the point that it will matter.  Not before.

I had a friend tell me, "Don't you think that is being dishonest?", no, I don't.  If it is, God forgive me, I am not trying to be dishonest.  I simply want to weed out the unqualified applicants that are only interested in me only because of an supposed attraction but not love, not an unconditional relationship.  I don't believe it is dishonest anymore than the widow who doesn't want to remove her ring because she is still in love with her husband that passed.  

For me, I am sold out to God.  He is the one I am committed to.  Period.  No man is gonna take that covenant away from me.  I Love My God and some day, that may mean because of God I get to Love a Man too!  but if it doesn't, believe me, I have a great life and I will live to tell my story praising God for it!!!

#single #stayingstrongforGod #aGodsGirl

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