The Courageous Journey to tell my story continues.
My counselor is proud of me. [Wish I felt this way about myself.] She believes I have covered a bunch in a short amount of time and is very pleased. She is absolutely amazed by me. [I feel anything but amazing.] She wishes all her clients had my perspective. [A healthy attitude in facing the pain.]
She began our session with telling me one thing. She prefaced that rarely, if ever, does she recommend this, as she feels that all relationships have the ability to stay connected to some degree, with a card once or twice a year, 6 phone calls a year as long as this, this and this are not discussed, healthy boundaries are set to a relationship, and love can be shown and people are not afraid to say "I Love You". However, she let me know very clearly and plainly, that the more she hears me tell my story and I relate what I experienced, she doesn't believe this fits me and wants me to understand that she doesn't feel I can have or should have a relationship with my Mom.
She then explained why.
It made sense. Perfect sense.
Though I must be honest that I did not expect this recommendation from her. I get a lot of comments from others, that if I just tried to love my Mom more, if I had really forgiven her, things would be different or could be different. As one who wants to unconditionally love everyone just as My Jesus Loves Me, I want to make sure I am doing just that. One of my aims is to be a true friend and supporter to all people I connect with, and this would include my Mom.
In all honesty, this blows me away to some degree because she knows how much in just 8 sessions??? She knows enough to make that determination. She understands patterns, behaviors, people, relationships, God, on a level differently than me. I must trust this.
We discussed the voices in your head. She encouraged me to stop and question them...to ask is this what God wants for me?
Redirect your thoughts...Whisper His Name...Thank Him and Ask Him for Direction.
Reminder for this weeks homework: You are coming up on the hardest part of your story. [Yes, I know this, I am very aware of this, unfortunately.]
If you kindly would please pray that I don't procrastinate through my homework and continue through the toughest years of my life story, I would appreciate it blogging friend. I am continuing to reflect on the words in the song History by Matthew West, a song that I heard on Pandora during my daily walk around the track on Sunday.