Yesterday, I began my day encouraged, refreshed after some prayer time, very energized from my early morning walk, inspired to tackle the day and confident that I would get a lot done.
But the feeling didn't last. I started feeling overwhelmed with the tasks at hand and some serious situations going on with clients, and this was clinched by a phone call in which I was yelled at by a client's employee, which may have been avoided if I had not dropped the ball with something and the very thing I didn't want to happen occured!!! I was frustrated. All this came toppling down on me and the feelings were making me feel like a failure. A complete failure. I easily feel like one, doesn't take much after being told your entire life that you are never good enough, you never, ever, feel good enough. Along with some glitches in technology making things not go too smoothly, I was struggling to be calm, not have anxiety. I was having a hard time feeling like I was blessed. But I am. Deep down in my heart I know I am!
I arrived at a clients office, determined to go in, get to work and ignore the feelings I was fighting inside from the events of the morning. My client sensed something wasn't right. Not too hard, I don't hide my feelings well. Both good or bad, somehow if you are keen on being in tune with people, you will know my state of being just by being in my presence and observing my face and demeanor. I can act like everything is okay, but you see through me like glass. I am very transparent. I would not make a good politician because I can't lie. I can't be fake.
I didn't wish to elaborate, so I pushed him off, hoping he would take a general response without me having to get deep into what I was facing, and said that I was just frustrated. He didn't let it go. Darn, my goal to sidestep his question didn't work. He was learning me well. He said, I can tell you are Misty. I decided to take a deep breath, a very deep breath, be me, be completely open as I always am and share my heart, and so I did just that, I shared. I briefed him, without all the confidential details that needed to be left out of my clients situations, on the circumstances facing me and he said, can I pray with you? I said absolutely! This is not the first time this client has done this with me. We are opposites as much as night and day can be in how we approach life, our personalities, our styles, how I am a neat freak and he is messy, how I am focused and he will allow anything to deter him, how he can procrastinate as the day is long even when I make him a list of items to complete by our next session, etc, but we are brothers and sisters in Christ. He knows he is a Child of the King, even if there are days he doesn't comprehend God's Love or feel it, he knows the truth! We have the same hope! We have the same purpose! To love God and share it with those around us. I have been there to encourage him, pray with him & his wife, and now he was there to encourage me! And that is just what he did.
He prayed for God to break the strongholds in my life, to remove the frustration which in reality is just repressed anger, to take away the demonic spirit trying to take hold of me, to not let the snake come in and steal my garden and cause me to resent and not trust God, and thus give power to Satan's seeds, to help me remember that I am loved and a Child of the King, to make God my source of strength in my battles, and to use the Gifts I have been given by The Spirit which are the Fruits of The Spirit.
Wow!!! I had tears. Nothing like being so vulnerable with a client that you have tears in front of them, a guy at that. Here I was trying to make it through the frustrations being thrown at me, once again doing what I could for the situation instead of taking it and throwing it all, every bit of it, in God's hands. Here I was beating myself up for the mistake I made, even though I had apologized, the apology was attacked and the response came with a rebuttal towards my client then, which only added fuel to the fire. I knew I knew better then to try to tackle this on my own, but I tried anyways.
This prayer session and petition to God gave me peace. It suddenly once again put things back into perspective. God knew all the details. God knew Satan was trying to win at getting me down and I have to be the one to choose God's power and make Him my source of strength.
He then shared with me some things he is learning in his bible study reading and prayer life with God. Things he is learning from the trials and hard times in his life. His faith in God is real. His endeavor to live out I Thessalonians 5:11 is true. I don't see everything the way he does and he gave me some stuff to go study more, but I love the fact that he is willing to share God with me!
I wish I had time to daily write and blog about my God Stories. I am amazed at the people God brings and uses in your life to teach you, inspire you, encourage you, refine your armor and keep you motivated on this courageous journey of faith. He is ALIVE! He empowers me in ways I never dreamed. These situations that happen give me goose bumps. I love my God!!!