It's been three weeks since I did LifePlan Coaching. I have spent some time reflecting on the things I learned during my sessions. At a risk of being too open, I am going to be very vulnerable today, and share with you my nuggets and takeaways:
- Unbeknown to me, I really wasn't accepting my childhood and past.
- The feeling I could have done something to change the results of my childhood and past has been permeating my life.
- I have been living with fear I didn't think I had.
- I have had deep fear that the life I had before is somehow going to be repeated.
- The degree at which I feel I am not good enough is tremendous.
- The stress I learned to live with in my childhood is an expectation that I feel I must do and keep up now because it was the norm.
- How the gas pedal and brake concepts affect my life significantly, and the focus needs to be kept at monitoring them.
- The level of abuse in my life was more significant, a major impact, and very prevalent, much more than I have given it credit.
- I have spent 35 years in a toxic belief system and being controlled.
- Never having been encouraged, told what I did was good, and spending years being punished, I continue to live out those same feelings in everything. I have lived with feelings of being displeasing and being a disappointment my entire life. I now think everyone feels the same way about me.
- I have carried over these same concepts to my relationship with God.
The areas I feel that have come to light that need to be spent more time reflecting on are:
- How do I change and feel and see God in my past? Yes, I know in my mind he was there. How do I go back and feel he was apart of those details (in my heart) like I do in my journey today when I didn't feel or see him then?
- What am I actively doing to live My Life Purpose?
- How do I aggressively change the "Not Good Enough" mentality to rid it out of my mode of operating? Completely from the core of my being?