Tuesday, September 17, 2013

LifePlan nuggets

It's been three weeks since I did LifePlan Coaching.  I have spent some time reflecting on the things I learned during my sessions.  At a risk of being too open, I am going to be very vulnerable today, and share with you my nuggets and takeaways:
  • Unbeknown to me, I really wasn't accepting my childhood and past.
  • The feeling I could have done something to change the results of my childhood and past has been permeating my life.
  • I have been living with fear I didn't think I had.
  • I have had deep fear that the life I had before is somehow going to be repeated.
  • The degree at which I feel I am not good enough is tremendous.
  • The stress I learned to live with in my childhood is an expectation that I feel I must do and keep up now because it was the norm.
  • How the gas pedal and brake concepts affect my life significantly, and the focus needs to be kept at monitoring them.
  • The level of abuse in  my life was more significant, a major impact, and very prevalent, much more than I have given it credit.
  • I have spent 35 years in a toxic belief system and being controlled.
  • Never having been encouraged, told what I did was good, and spending years being punished, I continue to live out those same feelings in everything.  I have lived with feelings of being displeasing and being a disappointment my entire life.  I now think everyone feels the same way about me.
  • I have carried over these same concepts to my relationship with God.

The areas I feel that have come to light that need to be spent more time reflecting on are:
  • How do I change and feel and see God in my past? Yes, I know in my mind he was there.  How do I go back and feel he was apart of those details (in my heart) like I do in my journey today when I didn't feel or see him then?
  • What am I actively doing to live My Life Purpose?
  • How do I aggressively change the "Not Good Enough" mentality to rid it out of my mode of operating?  Completely from the core of my being?

1 comment:

  1. Once again thanks to you beyond words for sharing so openly-- someday -- really someday -- I want to be able to begin dealingwith so many things that I have put onthe back burner -- I am so excited to be a part of your Courageous Journey!! Love you Tons!!