I wanted to share a conversation the other day with a girlfriend.
She was sharing with me her frustrations with herself that she doesn't seem to get these lessons, lessons she feels she should know and not have to repeat. The lesson about giving it all to God, not trying to take it back into her own hands. The lessons of not thinking that it is all required on her to do and that God won't help. Those kinds of lessons.
I understand being frustrated with yourself when you feel you should get a lesson, or berating yourself because by now should have gotten a lesson. However I shared a thought with her that she found interesting, so I share with you...in case you do this same thing or have these same thoughts.
As we are little kids, we are taught that if we just try, we can. If we just take that first step, we can walk. If we just try, we can learn to read, write, play an instrument, speak a hard word, make cookies, go sit on granpa and granma's lap, etc. We are not taught, you must pray about this and God will give you strength to take your first step. We are taught we are capable, if we will just do it. We are taught that it depends on us to get something done. We get told, "Try to do it on your own and if you can't, then call me." We are taught to seek help from ourselves first before we seek help from others.
Please don't mistake me. We are capable! God designed us to be. And I believe He absolutely wants us to be!!! He created us in His image and we are reflections of Him. There are also aspects of teaching and learning that you must be shoved out to ride that bike on your own or you will be dependent on others and never learn the art of riding a bike.
But our first instinct is not to seek God. It is to fix it ourselves. To make a plan on our own. To forge ahead without seeking Him to guide us. This is what takes learning. This is where we face lessons to learn what it means to seek God and to trust Him. And to listen to His Spirit communicate with ours. Does that mean we sit back and do nothing? No, I don't believe that is what it means either. It is a balance. To pray and create that relationship with Him over everything. To trust that He has my absolute best desire at heart and is going to work all the details out that will be My Story and fit My Journey, even if I don't consider it good, it will be worked out for good.
Maybe you are one of those parents that teach this not only as an example but in instruction in the growing and learning years to your child. I only can tell you, I wasn't taught such things. I have had to learn the hard way.
I am working at not being frustrated with myself for these lessons. Blaming myself doesn't make it easier. Being negative doesn't make the battle go away. Just as a teacher has to reinforce the concepts to us during our years of schooling, I am having to reinforce these principles daily, repeatedly, relentlessly, in my walk.
Some of these lessons will be tests. I will fail. But I pray I learn and that I grow stronger as I develop the character God is building in me.
But I trust in you, Lord; I say, "You are my God." [NIV]