Sunday, December 8, 2013

you believe its selfish

Today, I am going to share some thoughts on selfishness.  The post may be controversial.  It won't be the first topic I have posted that is. Nor will it be the last.  If it makes you mad, you don't agree, please know you have that option.  My post is not to convince you of anything.  It is to ask you to think and consider my thoughts.

We have been taught as a society that for someone to commit suicide that that is selfish.  I have given this some serious thought.  In reflecting I ask these questions:

Why do we believe that?  
Why are we taught this?
Why do we think that is selfish?

Life is a gift, from God.  We don't get to choose it, it is chosen for us.  So if someone is miserable and wants out, is that selfish?  

As many of you know, my brother has attempted suicide 7 times now (that I know of).  He is an unhappy guy.  He is alive, but is constantly depressed.  He is unmotivated, sad, doesn't believe he can be different, moody, feels like a failure, feels he has no potential, doesn't feel loved, lives with horrific regrets, believes he is worse than anyone else, etc.  My brother continues to make choices.  Believe me, I relate to his struggles.  I know what he is facing.  I know it is hard.  Maybe not completely as there are some things I have never experienced, like prison, but there are others I have faced exactly what he has.  Setting aside the fact that he continues to feel and believe these things and not utilize God for the strength he can give him to work through these thoughts and feelings, I ask you to consider this:  Is it not selfish of him to continue to think those things about himself when God states otherwise?

As I reflected on that question, I wondered:

Is it selfish to give your child up for adoption?  Especially when you don't feel you can give to them what they need?  Or do you think it would be better they keep the child, treat it poorly, resent it, and not give it what it needs.  Is that any less selfish?

Is it selfish to get a divorce?  Or do you think it would be better that the couple stays together, hate each other, treat each other rudely, not show love or care or respect, for the sake of the children and appearance of selfishness?

Is it selfish to look for another job?  Or do you think it would be better that you stay at the employer, do what you have always done, because God has called you to be a servant so going elsewhere wouldn't be appropriate and would only be selfish.

Is it selfish to want to better yourself?  Or do you think you should be content with who you are and just accept yourself because wanting anything differently is selfish.

Selfish = devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, welfare, etc., regardless of others

God says he remembers are frame and that we are dust.  I think that means more than we give it credit for.  God has come to give us a life of joy.  If we are not going to participate in it, is continuing to live here just because everyone says it is selfish to commit suicide not selfish in itself?  Couldn't not changing our focus be just as selfish?

I am not sure I believe anymore that to attempt suicide is "selfish", at least the way it has been portrayed to me up until now.  Yes, it is sad, but selfish, I am not sure that's the way we should look at it, anymore than the other things I asked you are selfish.  I think anything in our life can become selfish if we don't keep it in perspective, suicide is not any more or any less selfish than anything else in our lives.

I shared these thoughts recently with a friend and she was immensely concerned that I am suicidal if I were to even talk and think about such things.  I assure you, I am not.  I am however questioning the foundation of things I have been taught and trying to look at it through God's eyes.  

We are selfish creatures, everything we do is about us.  We have to learn to not be selfish, to put others first, in all areas, to reach out and love but sometimes we have to stop and take care of ourselves and that is not selfish.

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