Wednesday, February 12, 2014

fears that are validated

Each of us have fears.  Each of us have internal dialogue to substantiate our fears.  To validate them.  To give them credit.  

If we were to take a look at the reasons we are validating our fears, we will find that they are lies.  They are not the truth.  They are not positive reinforcement.  They are not helpful.  They are not encouraging us to be more.  They hold us back.  They tear us down.  They aren't based on love.

But what if the fears actually are real?  What if they become validated?  Then what?

Yesterday, on my LiveBIG Coaching Call, one of the participants shared the issue with her marriage and why she wants a divorce.  It wasn't easy for her to do.  She broke down sobbing.

I hate to see people hurting.  I know what the pain of life is like and I wished I could have hugged her.  As she paused and tried to get her thoughts together and emotions in control enough to face her fears of sharing this personal information, I told her that we all loved her and supported her.  

I was not prepared for the reason she gave next.  And when she did, I sobbed.  One of the very reasons that holds me back from even considering getting into any type of relationship with a man, for fear of what I will experience because of how things have been for me, is the reason she wants a divorce.  

I don't know her specifics, I only know mine.  I know every yearly exam is painful.  I know that dealing with the pelvic pain and bleeding for weeks on end, up to 10 months straight, from endometriosis for 25 years was horrific.  I know the one experience I had with a man was a nightmare and there is nothing about it that draws me to want to experience that again.

When you have experienced something that everyone states is lovely, and yet wasn't for you, and everyone thinks you are crazy for not being interested in pursuing this, how do you move past that fear?  When you hear a story like this of someone who wants out of a marriage relationship because intimacy only causes pain and that isn't understood, how do you not let this validate your fears?  How can you even work past this fear?

I don't know the answer to this.  But I tell you this much, the emotional pain I have experienced from this Coaching Call yesterday is unbelievable.

I prayed.

I called my Buddy.

I prayed some more.

I am writing this blog post to share my pain.

This hurts too.  

I only long to move past my fear, no matter if that ever includes a man every in my life or not.  I only want to find peace with the pain that is deep in my heart.  Intense Pain.


  1. Misty, I in no way want this to sound trite or cliche but a good friend once defined fear to me. He explained it like this:
    When I remember that, somehow it helps me with my fears.

    1. Lana,

      That definition is one that I have known and have understood. Today, I question that definition when its real, not false evidence. I think the picture I posted later in the day sums it up. You just can't run from it.

      Love You!

  2. Praying for you in your pain. I can only imagine how hard and painful it was to even write this post. Know you are loved. May God bless and comfort you in his loving arms.

  3. Misty,the pain you suffered can be healed! So proud of your courage to face your past! Love you and will pray more faithfully on your journey!

    1. Aunt Rachel, I know God can heal me and I am seeking him more fervently than ever for that to happen! I appreciate the prayers as I continue on this courageous journey to make that happen.