Thursday, March 13, 2014

a {workaholic} nugget from LiveBIG

I recounted my full LiveBIG experience to you.  All my notes.  All my thoughts.  How I took the things I was experiencing during the conference as lessons and challenges and learning tools.  As I continue to work through this information and develop my tools, I want to share with you some of the biggest nuggets I got out of the experience.

As the LiveBIG coaches, Gerald, Tony & Marci, worked with us through their materials, we  also had a Buddy that we worked with.  The buddy was someone we had personal conversation with.  These conversations were times of sharing.  Times of getting to know each other.  Times of asking questions.  Times of answering questions.  Sometimes the questions were easy.  Sometimes the questions were hard.  Sometimes I knew the answers.  Sometimes I didn't.  Sometimes I couldn't even try to find a reason, a clue, an answer.  Sometimes it took reflection to try to find the answers.  Sometimes answers came in ways I didn't anticipate.  Sometimes I had to leave the question unanswered praying that in time I would know the answer.

One of the areas of my focus this year has been to address and work on my Workaholic pattern and create a Work Life Balance.  This was one of those things for me where I have tried to find answers and put pieces of the puzzle together and yet I have struggled to do so.

I love to work.  I love the satisfaction that comes from hard effort.  I love to create.  I love to take chaos and create clarity out of it. I love to create processes.  I love to dig for the details and create a picture that matches the end result that is desired.  I love to make things perfect.  I love to see things come together.  I love to take a mess and organize it.  These are things I love to do and have learned to do well.  

So well that I devote an enormous amount of time to it.  But why?

I have nobody to support me (no family or husband - other than myself) and have felt a drive to get ahead, to achieve, to accomplish, to conquer, to succeed.  This has been one of "my reasons" to be a workaholic.

But is this the only reasons why? 

Is it the "real" reason???

I have been told lots of reasons from others as to why they think I am a workaholic.  I have been told because I have a love of money.  I am not submitting to God's plan for my life.  I am running from something.  I have fear.  I expect perfection.  Because of a lot of reasons people think I am a workaholic, I have been labeled things, many things that I never felt were true.  Not that these reasons can't be true for some people, or that I didn't have my moments when it was used to run from something, but in searching my soul, learning about myself and putting efforts into figuring stuff out as to why I am the way I am, none of these were my core issue that continued the workaholic patterns.

In prayer with God, I have asked him to show me, help me to see the true reasons, to help me figure out the reasons why my work life balance is not where I want it to be and to give me the tools to make the changes.  I have made small changes, but the core issue remained.  I have become frustrated trying to fix the balance I feel is lopsided.  

I work and am drawn to work, a lot.  The industry I am in requires lots of hours.  The government is creating my work to be even more challenging and less fun.  The process of staying on top of all the changes makes it hard to reduce my hours.  The need for balance is even greater as the stress continues to impact the lives of my clients and my own life.

Through the process at the LiveBIG Conference, I got to share one of my main goals, to create work life balance.  I got asked hard questions.  I got to contemplate them.  I got to spend time thinking about more experiences that have created the meaning and definition I have given to me, to work, to play, to life, and to balance.  I uncovered lies that I believe that have created my reaction to why I absolutely love to work.  In analyzing these reactions, I discovered amazing keys to the reason I work so much.  Keys that have unlocked what I have been searching to find for a long time.   

Keys that are going to impact the changes to the work life balance quest I seek to obtain.  Keys that have been missing to help me in this process to unlock what is holding me back from having and living the life I want in service to my God.  Keys that I never dreamed were part of my belief system.  Keys that will be the tools I have been praying for to change me.  Keys that will empower me in a whole new way.

The key has unlocked the door.  But now I must take the time to identify all the lies and replace the the lies with truth so the door can swing completely open.  I must believe the truth so that I can walk through that door.  I must then make the efforts to change the meaning and definition to get past the doorway.  I must then create new experiences as I walk through this doorway into a the hallway, up the stairs, that will lead to another room, through another doorway into the unknown of my palace.

I am excited about this process of learning and growing.  Though its hard and though its taking deep dark work, even though there are days I get discouraged in the process, the results are phenomenal.  

Once again I am reminded that we each have choices.  That we each have the power to choose.  That when we truly seek God with our whole heart, He will provide answers.  He will give you the tools.  He will give you the power to be who He created you to be, if you want to be.  But you have to want to do the deep dark work.  You have to be willing to face your fears.  You have to be willing to ask the hard questions.  You have to be willing to discover the answers.  You have to be willing to implement the changes.

Be Courageous.  Be Generous.  Be Loving.  Choose to LiveBIG!

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