Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Dating Questions: How do you determine if you wanna connect?

Some of my friends have never done the dating thing as I am doing...and they are curious.  How does this Online Dating thing work?  I have been asked, how do you figure this out?  So I will share what I do.  Again, this is what I do.  Doesn't make it right.  Doesn't make it wrong.  It's the method of how I am doing it.  

I am on an app called Tinder (it's free).  In your profile you setup your settings:  You are a Male or Female looking for a Male or Female, age span of interest, and how many miles away.  From there, the app does a search through your GPS based on your location and your settings.  You swipe left for nope and right for yes to any guy that you review that comes up in the search.  The way it works, you both have had to have swiped right for a yes for you to have a "Match".  Once you have matched, you can chat in the app until you wish to share additional information to communicate outside of it.    

I am on Christian Mingle and bought a 6 month membership, because it was the cheapest.  You can send smiles, emails  and ecards to anyone through the site.  It doesn't release your name, phone number, or email address, this is up to you to do if and when you are ready to exchange that information. 

If I am on the Tinder app or the Christian Mingle site, your initial "cover photo" must intrigue me.  If you are sticking your tongue out, you have crazy hand gestures, you present a generic emblem or logo picture of a sports team as your cover photo, you only have pictures of your truck or motorcycle or your animals or even your kids but none of you and/or if this is your cover photo instead of a picture of you, there is a picture of you smoking, you are passed out on the sidewalk clearly drunk, you are with a chic that you didn't crop out of the photo (a group of people I am okay with because that means you have friends and like to have fun), you are showing off more of your body than just a shirt off, a picture of you in front of the bathroom mirror, yah all these things are an automatic swipe left (which means NOPE!!!) on Tinder and an automatic trash of the email if on Christian Mingle.

You may be a great guy, but how you present yourself is what you are going to attract and I want the best.  The Absolute Best!!!  I want an immensely attractive mannerly guy with characteristics that intrigue me.  Deeply intrigue me to want to hang out with you.  I want a handsome guy that I find draws me in.  We all hopefully have a funny side to us that we can show, and maybe even some crazy moments, but if these are the photos you want to advertise to sell yourself to me through an online dating site, I think you aren't a serious person who has very much substance to be a stable prince in my world.

I want to know YOU...not your dog.  Not your cat.  Not your truck.  Not your harley.  You can show me pictures and discuss these things with me later, right now, I want to get to know you.  The basics about you.  If that's all you can put in your profile photos, it means to me that all this stuff means more to you than a relationship.  Kinda a sign of what truly is important to you.  Or that I will matter to you.

I expect you to have a favorite sports team.  For reals, you might even maybe one or two or three of them!!!  But again, if you can't let me see you, the real everyday you, and you can only show me a sports team that you are crazy about, it makes me think you are afraid to be real with me and that you may not have any other goals outside of being a sports fan.  Believe me, nothing wrong with liking sports and being a fan of them, but who are you trying to sell me on?  You or the sports team?

I want you to be a good looking handsome stud!!! Dang it, I do!  But I want you to be mannerly and respectful of what you present online just as much as you want me to be too.  So if you are over the top in your presentation, I could get real descriptive here and tell you some of the mess I have seen, but I think you get the point...if there is more than you being without your shirt, you get a NO.  

I expect you have had girlfriends, I don't want to see you snuggled up with them.  You may be divorced, but if you can't take the time to crop these people out, you haven't probably put separation in these relationships and therefore you probably have drama that I don't want to be a part of.  Or you haven't created closure.  Or you are running from one hot chic to another.  Or something that just doesn't sit well with me.

If you have sent me an email and I respond, do you answer my questions or do you avoid them?  If I tell you that I want to get to know you via email first and you insist on going out on a date before I know much about you, you don't get a response because that means you are being pushy and probably aren't into getting to know me and respecting my boundaries.  

These are some of the things I do in responding to connections made through the two Online Dating sites I am on.  I am not ashamed to move through this process and eliminate you.  Why?  Because I want the best of the best.  I know I am very unique.  I know my story is pretty horrific.  I know its really hard to believe I have never had a boyfriend and went on my first date 03.30.2014.  I know its going to take a very special guy that is gonna want to be a part of my world.  I don't resent this.  It means that it is going to take time to find the guy that fits this mold.  It is going to take time developing a friendship with a man to see if he can work his way into my heart to be able to claim it.  I am not interested in connecting with you if you don't meet some basic criteria so some of these things may seem harsh to you, but you have to start somewhere and this is step one for me.  I do not give out my phone number until we have communicated and had enough conversations that make me feel comfortable doing so.

If you are doing Online Dating, how do you determine if you wanna connect?

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