Thursday, July 3, 2014

Dear God, I want...

Dear God,

I never dreamed I would come to the day when I would sit and bare my heart like this and ask you for something, but I am.  

...and I am doing so in a public forum as a declaration of my faith in you.  

I know you already know.  And I know you know what is best for me.  But I am still going to ask.  Because you state you want us to ask of you.

You see, today, exactly 20 years ago, was a hard day for me.  A very, very, very hard day for me.  It was a day that wrecked havoc on my world in such utter complete destroying emotional, mental and physical destruction to such a degree that I never thought I would ever remotely want a man in my world.  It was a day that abuse turned into more abuse, which was a nightmare that lasted 3 1/2 years.  

Until I said enough.  I am done!  Goodbye.  And didn't look back...

But as you have lovingly worked in my heart and mind, especially the last two years of my courageous journey, you have done an amazing work in which has revealed lots of things to me about learning to love me and accepting love.  In facing my fears, tearing down walls, fighting lies, searching for truth, and pushing through in faith, I have come to the place that I want this.  I want this thing I never thought I would want.

So today, I request of you to help me and to provide this for me.

I want to ask you to please send me a man that you believe is the best fit for me my way.  I don't want to go find him because I believe you can and will provide.  I believe that I don't have to do "all the work", you can and you will.  You are a loving Father who loves me more than anyone and who wants to provide every good and perfect gift for me.  At the same time, if this is what you ask of me, I want to do what you ask me to do and locate him.  I ask that you lead and guide me to know how to do this because its been in some ways a difficult and painful process to launch out into this dating world.  But I also know that it has been a necessary process of growth in my journey.  To be vulnerable and conquer these fears.  Though I have grown immensely in this short time of opening myself up in such an amazing and bold authentic way, by tearing down walls built so incredibly high and thick to keep men out, by questioning everything I was ever told as the right and wrong way to date, re-evaluating the kind of man I "need/want", destroying the very foundation of lies I have believed for far too long about me and my worthiness of love and a relationship, facing the opposition from those who don't agree with what I am doing, focusing on the communication skills that I am sharpening, developing a deeper understanding of men and woman, amazed at the in depth learning I am getting about myself, the beliefs I am confirming are true and right, and the change in me that I have experienced since starting this process...I come to a place where I know what I want.

I want a man, a handsome man that loves you with his whole heart and will put you first before all else.  I want a man that has gorgeous eyes, an engaging smile, strong shoulders to lean against!  I want him to be taller than me [or at least my height when I am in heels] and who will hold me in his arms forever, will kiss me until the sun rises, who will teach me to dance and let me know I am the one and only in his life.  I have so many characteristics of what I consider a handsome man, but I know that a heart of gold, love and compassion is the best.  I want a man who will enjoy doing fun things on my bucket list that I have never had a chance to experience, completely understanding the zone I come from, not condemning me for my lack of experience or education, but teaching me every little thing I want to know, gently.  I want a man who loves things I love, like sushi, dancing, music, wine and entertaining friends.  I want a man that understands I have baggage but is willing to help me unpack it and heal through it because he knows he is only one of many tools that can heal that wound completely.  I want a man that respects me for being the strong woman of faith I am, who doesn't see me as a threatening or intimidating personality, but as one who has strong character and who has lived a life of courage and wants to inspire him to do the same.  A man that only you God know who and if I need.

I want him Lord.

But you are the God of my world and you come first!  I know that just because right now I feel that this is what I want, I know deeply that I have a great life and am absolutely content and happy being single.  Therefore I ask that you guide me in this.

Love Your Courageous, Generous, Loving Daughter who is LivingInTruth, Gratitude, Strength, and Faith, 


1 comment:

  1. I'm smiling. I will pray with you. May the Lord bring one fitting, and one who brings rest to you. Love you.