Saturday, August 2, 2014

Dating Lessons: men want to feel needed

You probably know the statement to be true.  Men want to feel needed.  

I know this.  

You know this.  

But are you conscious about relating to them in this space?  Do you pay attention to your actions and the message you send?

I was reminded of this when at the track this last week talking with a friend who stated her husband struggles because she is so strong and he wants to feel needed but because he lives the weeks away and is only home on the weekends, she ends up doing the bulk of what needs to be done.  I reminded her of this and shared the story I am going to share with you today, to encourage her in her marriage.  

So with that...let me share with you a blunder I made on a date and the fact that I got to see how my actions created a response in my date and confirmed clearly, men want to feel needed.

I was on a date with one of the guys I have spent time getting to know.  We went in to the convenience store to get some things for the afternoon we were going to spend out on the boat.  As we were checking out, I grabbed the bulk of all items [two bags of ice and a bag of beverages] and left the case of water for him.  As we went out the doors, he asked to carry my bags.  I had it, wasn't fixing to lose anything, and knew I was strong enough, so I told him I was fine.  He asked again for me to let him carry something and as I shook my head I turned to look him in the eyes, to tell him my response not just with a nod of the head that clearly I got it, and then informed him that seriously I am used to carrying more than this and I truly was fine.  

No sooner had I finished brushing him off quite profusely when I saw the demeanor on his face change.  He said nothing.  He didn't even try again.  But I didn't miss the change in his body language and a shadow that was clearly a look of disappointment and yes hurt that crossed over his face.  Someone else might have missed it, but I was keen into it and realized I had screwed up.

I was crushed. This was the last thing I had meant to do.  Here I was trying to be helpful and let him know that I would carry my weight and not be a wimpy chic, yet he clearly wanted to carry my load and I was pushing him away.  

I gulped back tears.  [You might think this was overboard, but seriously, if you had seen his face, you would have too!  ...and yes, I aim to please and never hurt and am very intuitive into someone's body language and feelings, no matter how subtle.]

I wasted no time and apologized.  I asked him to please be patient with me and understand I come from a space of having nobody to do what I need done and living alone [or with roommates at various times for 7 years] for 17 years.  I don't mean to be like this and I want to be different.

The results, I got a big grin.

Totally worth the pain I just experienced that grin was!

Awwwhhhhh, why do we woman make it so difficult for our man?  They simple want to be needed.  More than that, they need to feel needed.

What can you do today to let your man know, he is needed???  May I encourage it.  You will win a smile that is worth every bit of letting him help you!

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