Monday, September 28, 2015

Live with No Regrets

I am a list maker. I like to see what needs to be done and feel the accomplishment of being very productive. It's something that makes me thrive.
For the last few months, I have been making a list of things I need to do/want to get done before going to Uganda to ensure I got the important things done and didn't forget anything. Once I returned it was used to help me prioritize what I needed to do so I could stay focused on work and get caught up while dealing with the aftermath of my travels and all that affected me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I have recently been working on making a new list of people I have made promises to and haven't fulfilled, people I want to connect with either for additional time together or for the first time to get acquainted, projects I want to complete, things I want to accomplish in my life, goals I have to make sure I finish out 2015 the way I want...
However, in reviewing an item that has been on my list since July 2015, "return VM to Margaret King", I decided to stop work and make it happen event though my day is very full and the schedule is in overdrive from spending the weekend not doing my chores on top of being Monday and all that that day entails. Margaret called the week before I was going to Uganda and it just didn't work out to be a part of my schedule. Yet, I have thought of her several times, haven't known when to call her, and if she would be up to talking. For those that don't know, this lady has cancer, is ridden up in bed being paralyzed on one side of her body, and can't do anything without the support of her husband. Yet she is making calls frequently to tell people a message: I love you and have changed from being the judgmental person I once was.
I just decided I would leave a message if she couldn't talk just like she did for me. She answered and we talked 25 minutes. I wasn't sure what I could say that would make a difference, but I prayed that I might brighten her day. I wasn't sure what she wanted to tell me, but I prayed that she would remember. I wasn't sure what I could even do to help, but I prayed that somehow my talk would help.
I shared 3 memories with her. An evening at a Friday Night Sing at church when Jon and her talked to me trying to learn more about why I moved to Texas and the similarities her parents and my parents were alike in upbringing and abuse, my 1st surgery in Texas when her and John came to visit me when my own Dad was never allowed into my bedroom because I was in my nightgown, and after a testimony I gave September 2012 when I laid my heart out to these people who had been judging what I was going through physically in my life and begged people to come sit on my couch and give me a chance to share and stop assuming what was going on - Margaret said she wanted to be one to sit on my couch and listen. I encouraged her to reflect on her blessings and continue to do what she is doing, making a difference in someone else's life by letting them know she loves them.
None of us know how much time we have, but we all have the opportunity to make a difference and to choose! I struggle with this too. Though I get lots done, and can be so driven I drive some of my friends crazy, I also can procrastinate and feel I am not good enough. I have to work through my negative thoughts. But I am learning to let the vision of what I want my life to be be what fuels my fire each day and continue to Seize The Day as my voicemail tells you to do!
Isn't it crazy how we make excuses for why something isn't the right time? Isn't it crazy how we think we aren't capable of making someones day better? Isn't it crazy how it only takes a minute to impact someones life? Isn't it crazy how we spend more time trying to think things through instead of just creating action? Isn't it crazy how we live more from a zone of regrets then positive memories?

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