When life squeezes you deeper then you have ever been squeezed...When it sucks all the juice of life out of you...When it leaves no air to filter through your lungs...When it punctures your heart and makes it bleed open again, a wound that still hurts to the touch...When salt is added to an existing wound...
Then what? Is it okay to pray: Really Jesus, how much more do you think I can take?
Yesterday was one of those days for me.
And I did just that.
An unexpected medical diagnosis that has set me back leaps and bounds. Pain. Frustration. Tears. Intentional methods applied to regroup and get on with my day. Conference Calls. Meetings. Paperwork. Then off to a first time Consultation Meeting with a Litigation Attorney to discuss my testimony in a clients lawsuit with a court date set for February 22nd. As if those two things in and of themselves weren't enough, I got the reminder of two close girlfriends who've turned their backs on me and shut me out. One through a picture on Facebook of a girlfriend that is very dearly loved celebrating a very special chapter in her life that I am missing out on, but not by my choice. The second, when I went out for my weekly date night alone, my closest girlfriend of 18 years who asked me to never contact her again, was sitting in a booth at the same restaurant I was at.
Life is squeezing me, sucking the juice out of me, leaving me no air in my lungs, puncturing my heart open, again, adding salt to an existing wound.
I think it is okay to pray things like that to Jesus. He knows when you feel like you are coming undone. He knows we are thinking those thoughts, so why not express it? He hears my cries, through my tears and questioning why. He knows I am frustrated, so why not tell him I am? He knows I am hurting, my heart is bleeding, I am exhausted, that I don't feel I have it in me to keep fighting the good fight. I see no use in keeping it a secret.
But in the midst of your pain, what will you focus on?
It is in the times of desperation that you have to remember what is important. You have to remember the preparation you have done in previous hard challenges and trials that enables you to handle this one too. It is in these moments when you have to focus on the good things, remember the beautiful moments you had with these girlfriends and not focus on the fact that they are not in your life now. You have to renew prayers of forgiveness and say out loud "Forgive them, for they know not what they do to me". Even if they do. You have to choose to believe that they do not realize they are intentionally hurting you, again. You have to choose to ask for prayers, help, love, support and be willing to accept it from those who choose to have you in their life. By those that really are true friends. By those that give a damn what is going on with you. It is in these times that your true character will be displayed in how you show up, what you do, and how you respond. You have to remember to breathe and tell yourself that it's all going to be okay, because it is not over yet! You have to find strength to press on. To remember why you are not going to quit. You have to stay very focused. You have to choose not to loose heart. Because you are an overcomer!
Will you stand your ground? In a place where hope can be found? Do you believe that God will make all things right? Do you believe that you have the strength to make it through this too?
The only way I can vulnerably share with you how to get through dark ugly days like this that you want to obliterate off the calendar, is to walk out what I talk. The only way I can tell you it works is when I practice it in my own life and see for myself that it works. The only way I can encourage you is if I encourage myself.
We each have a choice. What will yours be today?
#TheSassyVoice #BeDifferent #CreateTheLifeYouWant #ThePowerOfChoice #BeAnOvercomer