another update on Terry

I came home from the hospital knowing I had things to do and get done in the roughly two hour time frame until I would return back up there, but to be honest, I was exhausted, emotionally drained and ready to just break down and cry.  I sent the update out for the day by email, and then decided to put my cell phone on silent and crawl under the covers and take a 30minute nap, which I exactly did...and am so glad I did.  I got some food at Panda Express on my way to the hospital. I got there right before 7pm, but they would not let me take it in with me.  I ate a bit and then stuffed it in the locker with the rest of my things and went in to see Terry.  He had showered and had clean clothes on that Jeff had brought to him earlier when we were there.  He was tired and a bit withdrawn.  He said he was dealing with hallucinations and they had to give him a shot a little bit before I got there.  I think that was making him a bit more tired so he drank lots of water to help clear his brain.  We visited, some small talk and some serious.  He wasn't opening up too much.  Mom called to talk to Terry while I was talking to him and he took the call but didn't talk long.  While he was gone, one of the ladies that is in there as a patient stopped and told me she hoped he would make it. I warmly told her that I hoped so too.  She told me he had beat her at a game of checkers and that gave me the idea that when he came back maybe we could play that since he wasn't talking too much.  He had told me I could go since he was tired and Uncle Tom hadnt come, but I told him no, I was going to stay until the session ended unless Uncle Tom came then I would leave.  Well, he brightened up at the thought of playing a game of checkers, so we did.  He beat me at our first game and we were not far into our second when Uncle Tom arrived about 7:45pm.  We moved from the community room where the checkers were to the spot we have been sitting and visiting in.  In some ways, this whole process reminds me of a prison.  Anyways, Uncle Tom shared some thoughts and recommendations to Terry regarding my parents, his life as a child and what he wants to see for him now.  While we were talking Uncle Tom mentioned Jeff was out in the hall waiting.  Terry got a surprised look on his face and said "Again?" and had tears in his eyes.  I left at 8pm so that Jeff could have the last 15minutes with him with Uncle Tom.  I got to the baby shower for Tracy's "two peas in a pod" late but felt I should spend the time with Terry that they allow us since its such a narrow window.

This process has been an emotional rollercoaster.  How to help someone who sees things many times really clearly, then can turn and be so cold and firm in a decision is amazing...yet difficult in so many ways!  Please continue to pray that I will know how to be supportive and helpful in the roll as his sister, friend and fellow christian.