Thursday, September 5, 2013

thoughts on sharing My Story

Dear Blogging Friends,

You have found my blog and follow for whatever reason.  Whether you are an avid follower or a once a year reader, you read what you read.

You may be intrigued, you want to know me better, you may have known me as a little girl, you may have met me through a client, you may have worked with me in the past when I was an employee somewhere, you may have met me at a networking group, you may have stumbled upon my blog by a google search or a link someone shared, you may be one of my close friends, I may or may not know you, but whatever the reason, I pray that you are encouraged by what I share or post and that your life is blessed and made a tad bit sweeter even if just in one small nugget as our paths have crossed.

I have shared that I don't write for a following...I actually don't know who subscribes and who doesn't.  Yes, there is a list at right of who "follows" but that doesn't mean that these people really do any more than I really follow all the blogs that I have listed at the right of ones that have intrigued me at one point or another in time and that I added to the list.  Even if I could know who follows my blog, I don't believe that I would want to know.  I don't want to be concerned with what you are thinking or how what I write would affect you.  I don't write to get your approval.  I don't write to be famous or well known.  I write, simply because I enjoy sharing thoughts, nuggets and bits of things to encourage each of us on this Courageous Journey, even if it is only God who cares!

If it is not a Courageous Journey to you, I hope at some point it becomes that.

In writing, I know that my blog has evolved since it started several years ago.  I know that what I have shared has affected friendships at times in various ways.  It has made some people sad it has made some people elated.  Each part of my Courageous Journey has good times and bad times.  I am being developed this year personally in a way that only God knows the outcome, but I assure you I feel his touch, I see his hand, I don't understand his ways, but I trust his plan!

In sharing My Story about what I have faced in life, specifically in my childhood, about the extreme difficulties I have had to work to overcome [and in reality continue to work at overcoming], about the challenges life has presented me...I have realized that I need to share more with you, I must be specific and call things what they were and what they are. 

This boldness has brought about some difficulties in friendships, people who can't handle the information, people who have changed after learning more of My Story, people who can't believe I have been through what I have been through, people who can't deal with the feelings of being uncomfortable by the details and can't take what I have written, people who wish they could have done something to prevent it, and more.

In some ways, I was unprepared for this.  In some ways, it has only added to hurt.  The relationships that have backed away have only made me experience, yet again, being abandoned. 

I understand, but the sting is there.

Today, I want you to know something very clearly:  I do not write to make you feel bad.  I do not write to hurt your feelings about stuff you did or didn't know was transpiring in my childhood.  I do not write to make it difficult for you. I do not write to get you to share what you don't want to share or can't share.

I appreciate that you care and have concern for me.  It means bunches to me that you wish you could change my childhood just as much as I wish I could have.  More than anything, I wish I could have seen, felt and believed God was with me through all the pain, difficulty, and ugliness that transpired for years and years by parents who were religious and stated they had faith in God. 

Please don't feel bad.  Please don't feel "if only", "I should have", "I wish".  I understand those feelings.  But remember this:  God planned this exactly how he wanted my life to be.  The complete pain, difficulty, and ugliness!!!  He is soverign and he wanted this for my good, because his work in me is for good.

With sincere heartfelt appreciation for letting me share My Story with YOU,

your Courageous Journey Friend

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