poem ~ a hurting soul

I'm truly not trying 
to shove you away,
that's the last thing I want,
is to make you feel this way.

I just don't have the space,
as I sit in the dark,
these waves crashing over me, 
creating pain deep in my heart.

The energy it takes,
to just live each day,
is the focus of each moment,
day after day.

You ask, how can I help? 
I'm so sorry you're here,
if I knew the answer,
I'd get myself there.

Until you've been there,
it makes no sense at all,
and feels like I'm building,
the boundaries of a wall.

I don't expect you,
to understand me at all,
the challenges, the heartache,
His plan, the purpose, the call.

I ask that you love me,
I need you to pray,
for wisdom and guidance,
thru each of these days.

The storm is raging,
internally it collides,
the force is so great,
I choose not to hide.

You say I should be quiet,
the world doesn't need to know,
this pain that I'm feeling,
down deep in my soul.

I'd ask you to consider, 
that pain is a gift, 
it's message to help me,
respond to and thus shift.

A mask on to hide it,
won't help me uncover,
the lesson, the reason,
renewed hope in this season.

Fakeness does nothing,
to create connection with you,
to pretend life is awesome,
would be lying to you.

The truth I will tell,
integrity I will give,
intentionally in each moment,
on this life I must live.

I've given my all,
every day in the fight,
I'm burnout at best,
so exhausted, need rest.

I'll make it I know, 
I won't quit in the fight,
but this chapter is challenging,
every day and night.

I reach for my journal,
I go for a walk,
I look to the sunset,
I pray while I talk.

For now I keep moving,
one step at a time,
for everything is happening,
divine perfectly in line.

© Misty W Gilbert

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