Have you ever been in a situation that you swear your eyes are open, but you can't believe what you are seeing? Maybe you even shake your head and make sure you aren't living in a dream? Maybe you even look around to see if anyone else is watching, because the whole situation has stolen your breath away and you can't breath. Not a lick of air, and it isn't because you don't need air, you need it now more then ever, you just are afraid of how things are going to turn out. Maybe even it feels like everything is happening in slow motion and you can remember ever little detail of how it all happened.
This is how I felt the day my Mom was frustrated in traffic and unable to go as fast as she wanted to in the fast lane because of some people who wouldn't even drive the speed limit. She couldn't pass on the right hand side because there were vehicles there, and there were too many vehicles behind her for her to slow down further to try to find a gap to merge into a different lane and go around. So after driving miles like this and her anxiety growing, she decided she was done with that game, and she took off to the shoulder to the left of the fast lane, and zoomed right past a whole pack of people leaving all of them in the dust!!! It wasn't a lane, it was the side of the road where you would park if you were having mechanical issues with your vehicle. On top of that, she did this going up the mountain that we called "The Hill", traveling from San Bernardino, California to Apple Valley, California.
Us kids looked at each other like this is scary, and yet kinda fun at the same time to see my Mom leave peeps in the dust, literally. But then, we wondered what if there had been a police man behind her or just up ahead when she did this? What would she have done to get out of this?
My Mom was someone who raised us with very black and white rules, extremely clear expectations, full understanding of all laws and rules, and she expected you to do everything you knew to do and if you weren't, she would point it out to you. Yet, as I grew older and got an understanding of life and things better, I saw the discrepancy in how she lived what she believed. I would sometimes be brave to ask questions, risking more ridicule, demeaning comments, humiliation, manipulation, control, shame, guilt, abuse, condemnation, even with the deep fear I had in my heart and mind, many times shaking all over.
We would have discussions around things like this as I tried to learn her perspective. She disapproved of me asking questions and felt I was being a threat to her authority, she disliked me pointing out the things I felt I was seeing that were full of hypocrisy, she hated my ability to think things through logically and proactively with the ability to disclose emotions for facts, but yet she could honestly tell I was wanting to try to understand and piece things together even though she hated it. More times then not, she told me that when I was an adult, I would have a better understanding of life and things like this and be able to see the differences. Or she would tell me that I was messing in her business that I had no business asking about. Or she would argue with me and justify why she was right and I was wrong.
So this situation was one of those times, I asked her what she would have done if there had been a policeman around. And like usual, she had an excuse for why what she did was right because they were not going the speed limit and slower traffic is supposed to be on the right. She said she wasn't being sneaky so what she did wasn't wrong.
I for years never knew what benefit I got from these childhood experiences until I worked with one of my Coaches and we were uncovering things about my personality and skill sets and working through some of my childhood trauma experiences.
It was through this work that I realized how I got the skill to see things from different perspectives and ask the tough questions in tense situations.
I realized the 20 Years I had experience in this environment is what prepared me to work with doctors, insurance companies, business owners, and yes, even employees.
I knew deep in my heart this is what to this day gives me the ability to write hard things on my blog and share things here on Facebook.
It is the reason I get asked to confront someone and bring to their attention the truth when nobody else will.
The experience of dealing with ridicule, demeaning comments, humiliation, manipulation, control, shame, guilt, abuse, condemnation, even with the deep fear I had in my heart and mind, is what has given me the ability to help those in the same spot.
I couldn't be who I am today without this life's experiences.
Today, when I share my sassy voice, I may still do it shaking all over, but I do it anyway because I know I am called to. I may at times have fear of loosing friends because I have lost 2 very close girlfriends in a span of 2 Years, but I know deep in my heart that those that operate from a space of love will want to work out a relationship and see things through different perspectives will, even if we walk away with different beliefs because love never ever fails. I know that when I am focused on the vision and my purpose, I do not have to have fear of the outcome of sharing my voice or that what I write will come back to bite me. When I apply myself to truth and love, desiring to make a ripple effect in the world like in one drop of water, all that matters is the one person my words can help to breakthrough their limiting beliefs and feelings that are keeping them stuck in fear, shame, guilt and regret. I know that my true mission is to encourage, support and inspire them to be courageous, generous and loving. My previous experiences sharing my voice give me confidence knowing that I can do it again today, no matter the ridicule, demeaning comments, humiliation, manipulation, control, shame, guilt, abuse, condemnation, and fear others try to put on me each of us has a choice in how we share in each others lives and what we do to build each other up.
Have you ever stopped to look at your childhood experiences and see how they have shaped your life today? Have you ever gotten a clear picture of how God is using those horrible things for good in your life? If you haven't, I would love to encourage you to do this.
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