thoughts on being vulnerable

Being vulnerable and sharing your heart doesn't mean you are weak...it means you are being honest. You are willing to quit living in a mask and be open, authentic and truly live in reality. It means you know you have dark deep work to do. It means you aren't willing to be like everyone else and just accept status quo. It means you are willing to face your FEARS and do the difficult process of digging deep. Just because you have fears and false perceptions doesn't mean you have self pity for your situation or that you are a negative person because you have fears. Having fears allows you to develop your courage and press through them. 

LiveBIG friends!

Day 5 Video Challenge

Today I answer how you work through focusing on and working through your triggers so that you know how to change your reactions.  

Ask yourself why do you feel like that?  
Why am I reacting this way?
What can I do to change how I am feeling?
What is the truth?

Look at your reactions, then figure out your triggers, to understand your meaning and definition from the experiences you have experienced in your life.

You can listen to that here.

Quotes

Day 4 Video Challenge

Today I talk about my determination to face my fears.  I share with you that I have had fears my entire life.  However, my working through these fears many times were just in a way to launch in and ignore the feelings, just shoving them in the corner.  I am learning and working through tools I learned recently at a conference to change my negative belief system.

Each of us have patterns of experiences that lead to a definition and a meaning that we put on it.  That meaning becomes how I am reacting, and I don't like that.  I want to be different!  Every day we can be different, just like the Olympics, if we focus on doing something every day to be a little bit better and to improve ourselves.

I encourage you to look at your life, find one fear that you feel is out there and what is one thing you can do to change that fear?

You can listen to today's video here.

a {love me} nugget from LiveBIG

I recounted my full LiveBIG experience to you.  All my notes.  All my thoughts.  How I took the things I was experiencing during the conference as lessons and challenges and learning tools.  As I continue to work through this information and develop my tools, I want to share with you some of the biggest nuggets I got out of the experience.

In working with Tony, Gerald and Marci, I learned much about what it means to Love You. You being yourself.  For who you are.  Your bright shiny side and your dark shadow side.  To accept that who you are right now as perfect.  You are you and nobody can be you.  The experiences you have faced in your life have made you to be who you are and if you take those things away, you are no longer you.  You are unique.  Love you.

Some of that made sense to me.  I know you aren't me.  I know you haven't had my life and I know you can't live my life.  But love me???  Believe I am perfect the way I am?  Believe my dark side, the not so cool things about me are lovable?  Unbelievable.  Who would love someone with ugly stuff?  I mean Jesus does, but to expect that you do?  Or that I do of myself? Not a chance.

I have been ingrained to live a life of JOY = Jesus and Others and You.  You are last.  You are not important.  You don't matter.  But through this process the last month, but I know have learned that in order to truly live and love life, you have to love you.  In order to have something to give you have to nourish yourself.  In order to appreciate what others see in you, you have to appreciate you.  You have to start with you.

But how do you love you when everything you have been taught is to hate you?  That you, your heart, your desires are above all deceitful and desperately wicked?  When you have been made to feel you is awful?  That you should be crucified?  That you is no longer worthy?  That you no longer have a position in the family?  That you are used goods?  That you are unloveable?

You have to change and believe that God doesn't hate you and therefore you shouldn't hate you.

You have to change and believe you are worthy of love because God in his love made you worthy.  

You have to change and believe that you are complete because God's love makes you complete. 

You have to change and believe that you are renewed because God's love renews your spirit. 

You have to change and believe you are healed because God's love is the healing power.  

You have to change and believe the truth because God's love is the truth.  

You have to change and believe you are perfect because God's love makes you perfect.

You have to change and believe you are loved because God's love makes you loved.

How do you understand God's love?  I say its hard.  The depth of God's love is beyond what we can understand when we try to with our minds.  But does that mean we can't understand it to any level?  Does it mean that we shouldn't accept the love we do understand because we can't make sense of ALL of God's love?

Does God expect you to be perfect before He can love you?  So why do we expect ourselves to be perfect before we can love us?  You are perfect because God made you that way.  He took all the pain so you could be healed.  He took all the scars so you could be free of the responsibility for them.  How could you not love this love?

Love.  Love that begins by loving yourself.  Look in the mirror and say "I Love You", I really fully, deeply, unconditionally love you, who you are, radical love and self acceptance.  This loves comes when we see ourselves the way God sees us.  When we make it a deep abiding love in your soul, for who you are.  This allows you to give love, to love unconditionally.  Give love unconditionally for who you are.  This is a love journey.  Tell yourself that you see you for your greatness.  Believe in yourself.  Create moments.  To share.  You are brilliant.  A deep brilliance.  Divine.  Perfect.  Child of God.   Gift to the world.  Shine.  Shine brightly.  Shine fiercely.  Love openly.  Love courageously. 

Please Note:  The credit from this last paragraph goes to my coach...these are things he has told me and I have made notes.  I share with you because I want you to love you!  I want to love me!

Day 3 Video Challenge

Here we go...Day 3 of my Video Challenge.  

I share today that we all have fears and many times we ask ourselves questions like "What If?".  Many times we spend so much time thinking about the "What If's" that if we think we will encounter if we try to face our fears vs what would happen if we just launched into it without thinking.  We just might get to experience something different!  [Like Frito Pie.]  I share how I am working on inviting myself to join you, dropping over to your place, enjoying my friendship with you because you are my friend.  I love to be with my friends, but actually initiating this is hard for me.  I am facing my fears and doing what is uncomfortable and today I share with you current ways I am living down my fears on this courageous journey.  

You can watch today's video here.

Quotes

Day 2 Video Challenge

So yesterday I faced my fears. I did a video for 0.18 seconds.  Short.  Sweet.  

The result?  An incredible response!!!

Over 100 likes on Facebook.  Over 40 comments.  Many private conversations through Facebook Messaging, texting, emails, and calls.  

This I did not expect.  

Why?  Because my fears have held me back from engaging with you. My fears have made me not able to encourage you the way I want to in my heart.  My fears have told me I am not good enough.  My fears have told me I am not wanted.  My fears have told me I am not worthy.  My fears have told me things for years.  My fears are wrong.  My fears have made me believe lies that aren't true.  

What would I have gotten out of my day yesterday if I had not faced my fears and not shared with you in a verbal format that I love you?  

Nothing.

What would you have gotten from me not sharing?

Nothing.

Once again, I have faced my fears head on.  I am going to live down the feeling I get by being on video.  I am determined to do a great job at this, and perfect the job I do.  By actually facing my fears, this only made more of an impact on my life, not less. 

I want to show you my courageous heart.  

These videos are raw, unedited, unplanned, unrehearsed.  Today I share with you what I consider facing your fears to be.  You can listen to it here.

Day 1 Video Challenge

I am working on a video for my website.  People don't want to read stuff much anymore, they want to hear it.  See it.  Know you.  So I invested into a project for my business to make this happen.  Well, I had my first video shoot last October.  We have done 3 sessions.  I lock up when I get in front of the camera.  I get nervous.  I freeze.  I feel like its all staged.  I don't feel natural.  So I have been working on practicing phrases in front of the mirror.  Reciting my script.  Trying to be natural and be me.  It has been hard.  I am going to be resuming this project here in a few weeks with my videographer and in preparation for this, I felt it was best that I face my fears head on.  I felt that the only way I am going to get better at this is to launch in and force it to happen. I felt the only way to make me better on camera was to do self videos and put them on Facebook.  You know I HATE selfies.  So to do this in a video format only magnifies my hate.  In fact it does more than that, it freakin scares me.  I wanna puke.  It makes me face the comments of people, which also terrifies me.  It makes me face the fact that I am pretty and you know it.  Darn.  Won't you ignore that please?

In January I did a 30 Day 500 Words Challenge with Jeff Goins to move me further into my book writing.  I decided I needed to make that same challenge to myself for a video.  Not just do one or two or three, but do 30 of them.  One every day.  Ugh.  I hope you won't hate me for this, but I am determined to move past my fears.

So here is the link to my 0.18 second video in which I tell you that you have many things on your plate and that as you begin your Monday, I want you to know that I love you and I want you to have an awesome one.  You can listen to it here.

Quotes

Before opportunity crowns you with great success, it usually tests your mettle through adversity. Adversity provides the resistance necessary to develop the strength to overcome great obstacles. This strength consists of self-confidence, perseverance, and, very importantly, self-knowledge. For if you do encounter a setback, it is a clue to a personal weakness. You may have been hasty in judging a competitor, or you may have been too timid in your vision of what needed to be done. Let adversity be your guide to understanding where you mis-stepped and which qualities you need to cultivate. No one rejoices in disappointment, but if you are success-conscious, you can turn the situation into a chance for improving your character, an opportunity you otherwise would have missed. 

- Napoleon Hill

I Am Poem

I Am
by Misty W Gilbert

I am courageous, generous, and loving

I am refusing to give up
I am refusing to give in
I am refusing to let fear win
I am refusing to be afraid
I am refusing to feel ashamed
I am refusing to be abused
I am refusing to be belittled
I am refusing to be imperfect
I am refusing to feel unworthy
I am refusing to be considered not good enough
I am refusing to meet your approval box

I will change
I will achieve
I will succeed
I will be passionate
I will live a Level 10
I will continue put my heart and soul into everything
I will be courageous, generous, and loving.

Quotes

Stop listening to the enemy. Setting your heart and mind on lies is like setting the radio dial to a trashy station. What feeds you, affects you. 
- Lysa TerKeurst

a {beautiful} nugget from LiveBIG

I recounted my full LiveBIG experience to you.  All my notes.  All my thoughts.  How I took the things I was experiencing during the conference as lessons and challenges and learning tools.  As I continue to work through this information and develop my tools, I want to share with you some of the biggest nuggets I got out of the experience.

One of the nuggets that became a key takeaway for me occurred on the 2nd day with Tony after my question to him on "You told us to examine without shame.  How do you examine without shame?"  

{You can read the full post and my interaction with Tony here.}

As I worked with Tony and committed to playing a Level 10 and engaging in this process, 
He asked me to list what characteristics would be part of my new belief system.  This is what I listed:

• I am Courageous!
• I am Good Enough!
• I am Loved!
• I Matter!
• I am Worthy!
• I am Successful!

In this exercise, he said, did you say, "I am Beautiful?"  I said, "No, I didn't."  He went on talking and said again, "I am beautiful was one of your statements, right?"  I said "No, but if you want to use it for your example, that's fine."  He talked more and then said, "You are Beautiful."  Say it.  I struggled to say it.  It was at that moment I realized just how keen he was into the soul and belief system I had.  He then said, "If I am Beautiful wasn't one of your statements, it should be.  You are."

I felt like he had looked deep into my heart and found one of my secrets.  I felt he had shaken me.  You don't have to tell me something 3 times.  Or maybe you do.  Tony did.  But I got it!!!  I might have been oblivious, hiding, stubborn, blind, fighting but I wasn't so entrenched in my ways not to clue into his work with me, his message, his intentions.  I woke up and listened.  I took it to heart.  He saw something and was trying to get it across to me.  He was helping me to see what I was blind to seeing myself.  I am beautiful.  But for reasons I didn't realize, I didn't believe it and I was fighting it.  I never dreamed this was my reality, but it was.  It is.

As I have worked through the extreme nuggets of this time and thought about my life, my experiences, my triggers, my negative belief system I have found some amazing results.

You see, being pretty never was an advantage for me.  It was always used as a comparison between me and my sister.  It was used as leverage to get results.  It was used as competition.  It was used to create strife.  

Misty is the pretty one, but Mindy is the one everyone likes. Misty is the smart one, but Mindy is the one that can make the best breads and pastries. Misty is the pretty one, but Mindy has the best smile. Misty is the pretty one, but Mindy is the one with the awesome personality.  Misty is the sick one, but Mindy is not.  Misty is the one with the pretty porcelain doll skin, just like Granma, but Mindy is not.  Misty vs Mindy and the games of comparison that created inferiority complex was a continuous process.

I wished desperately I wasn't pretty.  I felt that I would have achieved more if I hadn't have been pretty.  It made me regret that I was considered pretty.  Being pretty didn't get me anywhere.  If I could change it, I would.

But it didn't stop there.  I dug deeper.

The fact that my dad never said I was pretty, never said I was his beautiful daughter, never wanted me all made me feel I really wasn't beautiful.  If your own Father doesn't think you are pretty how can anyone else? 

But it didn't stop there. I dug deeper.

When I faced the trauma at 17 with a 45 year old man invading my world, my life got turned upside down. I was told by my Mom that I was no longer her beautiful, sweet, innocent firstborn daughter.  My baby pictures were ripped in half in front of my face.  I was told I was no longer pretty and I was no longer allowed to have my pretty clothes (among other things).  I was no longer considered the firstborn of the family, any and all family decisions from here on out would be made by my sister and brother.  I had forfeited my birthright.  I was given a new name, the beautiful name of Misty was no longer my name, I had an ugly name because I was now considered ugly.  The rest of these awful things will be saved for my book, but I have listed a few for you to see why I don't feel beautiful.  

Any beauty I might have felt I had was stripped from me.  It no longer existed.  Let alone what that experience did to me in and of itself.

But it didn't stop there.  I dug deeper.

I have had 6 guys through The Assembly show me interest.  Every one of them approached me with the "You are beautiful and I am going to marry you."  or..."You don't know it, but you are going to marry me."  and...I received a dozen red roses with a message "I can't stop thinking about you" but didn't sign the card and never told me before the arrival of the roses that they wanted to get to know me better.  None of these relationship ever got very far, and the longest one was 3 months.  They were relationships that I felt compelled to accept with guys who didn't know how to love or approach a girl who they found attractive in a way that reciprocated those feelings.  These relationships were not built on getting to know me, they only looked at the outside and this made me resent further being pretty.  I wanted them to see me.  The true real me.  And when they learned that there was a very high chance I would never be able to be a mother they retracted their interest.  They were no longer convinced I was the "one for them".  This hurt.  The fear of being wanted for who I was not vs who I was was now confirmed.  I wasn't loved.

But it didn't stop there. I dug deeper.

I was a manager of a three location healthcare facility and had another manager I worked directly with at the location where I worked made continual advances towards me.  He made inappropriate comments.  He made inappropriate body gestures.  Made me feel like I was standing in front of him with no clothes on.  The sexual harassment continued on such a level that I had to report him to the owner.  This made the working relationship difficult even though I was told that my name would not be mentioned.  It became obvious it had been.  I felt like scum.  I felt shame for being in this position.  I felt violated.  Again.

I have hated being pretty.  Really hated it.  Being pretty wasn't good enough.  It didn't bring me anything that mattered.  It only brought pain.  It only hurt.  I hated being beautiful.  Beauty was only a manipulative tool.  It wasn't something I could control and I didn't want it.

Hence I have ignored that I am.  I have not cared if you thought I was.  I have tried to create other qualities that you would notice so that beauty wasn't the focus. I have believed I really wasn't or someone would truly love me and want me.

However, after this deep work inside, sorting out my belief systems around being pretty and beautiful, I have realized Tony was right.  I have been believing lies.  Hard core lies for 37 years.

• I am not going to let a Dad who told me I wasn't wanted, never wanted, who never told me I was pretty, and never appreciate his little girl be the definition of the truth that I am beautiful. 
• I am not going to let a Mom who used her first daughter against her second daughter over characteristics neither of them could control ruin the fact that I am beautiful.
• I am not going to let one man who made me feel like I wasn't beautiful and all the other guys who have attempted to use this card to get access into my world be the reason, or any other man who hits on me determine the way I view myself and what beauty means.
• I am not going to believe that because I am single that this means I am not wanted and I am not beautiful.
• I am going to believe the truth and make it the foundation of my belief system...I am Beautiful.  

I am Beautiful!  Inside and Out.  Absolutely beautiful.  A princess of the King.  A Daughter of the One True God.  I will believe it!

My list has changed.  I will keep reading it and tweaking it until I have it as it should be.  It now reads:

• I am Courageous!
• I am Good Enough!
• I am Loved!
• I Matter!
• I am Worthy!
• I am Successful!
• I am Wanted!
• I am Beautiful!

And you are beautiful too my Friend!  Believe it.  #LiveBIG

word of the day...{nugget}

Today's Word of the Day is a little bit different as I am going to share with you also the definition to me as I use the word nugget.

My Buddy told me in our weekly Accountability Call that she laughs when I say the word nuggets as it makes her think of Chicken Nuggets.  I laughed and said no, I don't like Chicken Nuggets that much. LOL

Any conference I attend, I am always looking for the nuggets or takeaways.  Just as diamonds or gold are nuggets and karits, little bits of things that are true gems in a dark place, I find these jewels powerful statements that can make a lasting impact on your life.  

I call them nuggets.  There are nuggets in everything.  Things that you can memorize and become ingrained in you.  Things that have the power to change your perspective and bring meaning to your life.  Things that are tools and create an ability to improve your skills.


Here is the definition at www.dictionary.com:

nug·get

  [nuhg-it] noun

1.

a lump of something, as of precious metal.

2.

a lump of native gold.

3.

anything of great value, significance, or the like: nuggets of wisdom.

4.

a bite-size piece of chicken, fish, etc., usually batter-fried.

5.

Welding. (in a spot-weld) the metal fused.

Quotes

coach hit a nerve

We began our call stating how we were (we could state any word, just not good for how we were), how we did with our Power Hour Commitments, our daily reciting of our Affirmations, our homework with our Goals Game Plan, and if we connected with our Buddy.  

I said I was feeling uncertainty and a level of anxiety.  I did 4 of 5 Power Hours.  I didn't do any of my Goals Game Plan homework, I connected with my buddy 3 times, including our weekly Accountability Call on Sunday.  

Just like last week, I was in tears working through expressing this on my coaching call.  I explained the reason last weeks call tore me up and the events that transpired last week with being hit on by a married guy who isn't letting up and how it was rocking my world.  I could hardly talk.  The tears and emotional pain I was experiencing were making conversation and communicating really difficult.  The pain deep in my heart hard to make my thoughts make sense.  

This stuff is deep dark work.  It brings up things you thought you had resolved or at least were managing.  And yet in some areas, I know I haven't done a good job at managing, I have simply run and shoved it deep stating it didn't and doesn't matter.  

Wrong.  That's a lie.

In digging into my personality type, I found that as long as I see the goal and understand why, I can and will make it happen.  This to me was the answer as to why I struggled at my homework for last week. I couldn't answer the why.  I am goal oriented, I can make goals like nobody else.  And I will achieve them.  But ask me why they are important?  Why they matter?  Why I should have them?  I will draw a blank and feel stupid.  Utterly stupid.  Especially when I am trying to feel good enough as I am and not be driven to perfection.

In the Q&A I asked how we can work to understand and answer our "why".  My coach worked with me.  He asked me questions. I did my best to answer.  I felt like I wasn't doing a very good job at it.  I cried.  He dug deeper.  He asked me what has made me feel a need to change me now after all these years?  His uncanny ability to see me for me is scary, unnerving and yet insightful.  His words and assessment were:

• Allow yourself to connect with yourself again as a little girl...the girl who was never allowed to be her and who had to grow up early.  [How the hell does he know this???  Its true, but I haven't shared hardly any of my journey with him.  How is he able to see this?]
• It's okay to have fun...its okay to be loved...its okay to be feminine...its okay to feel sexy...Allow yourself to nurture you...allow yourself to be free...What is the gift of allowing me to flourish?  How would you feel?  More confident?  More alive?  More vibrant? Reconnect to your dreams.
• Feeling creates healing...your reconnecting with your heart.  Create positive reinforcement.
• You cannot heal if you're afraid to heal.  {This I know.}  Embrace yourself.  {This I am learning to do.}
• Imagine.  What does nurturing yourself look like?  What does it feel like? {This I do not do well.}
• He took me through an exercise to close my eyes.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Be connected to you.  You have everything you need.  You are loved.  You are beautiful. {This exercise that I have done several times now has tremendous results. It brings a sense of peace and clarity like nothing else...other than my prayer life with God.}
• Redefine who you are! {This I so want, so desperately want.}
• We believe in YOU!

I have spent a good portion of the day crying.  I am going through the emotional trauma I went through last year, all over again, except on a whole new level.  It's crap that has to be dealt with.  It's pain that is intense.  It's emotionally draining.

I am determined to move past my fears.  I am determined to get the help I need to live a joyful life. I am determined to live with no regrets.  I am determined to be positive and encouraging because I know the impact it would have made in my life if I had had it.  I am going to do the hard, very hard work, to redefine me and believe I am Courageous, Good Enough, Loved, Matter, Worthy, Successful, Wanted and Beautiful!!!

We then were asked to Celebrate if we had an accomplishment for the week.  If we achieved a goal.  If we made progress on something.  I should have shared that last weekend I took the entire weekend with Anna to relax, sleep in, not work and spoil me (and her).  I didn't.  Why?  Because this is a new feeling.  This doesn't seem right.  It felt awkward.  It seems like I am being selfish.  It seems like I shouldn't be.

But that is a lie.

I am a Courageous, Generous, Loving Woman of God!  Who deserves to be taken care of, nurtured, cherished, loved, who is worthy of treating herself like a princess.

I am determined to #LiveBIG!

LiveBIG Coaching Week 4

Today was our 4th Coaching Call.

We reviewed questions to ask ourselves as we evaluate our goals and achievement with our Power Hour commitments, Affirmations, Goal Setting & Game Plan, and connection to our Buddy.

Questions:

• What worked or didn't work?
• What is your strategy?
• What is my priority?
• What are you learning about yourself?
• What do you want?
• How do I create it?
• What is creating the resistance?
• How can I build my team?
• What is the simplest thing you can do next?
• What is my goal?
• What is my time management plan?

Things stay in your life until you let them go.  Allow yourself to go thru the feelings and don't beat yourself up.  See resistance for what it is.

Clarity is power.  Chaos and confusion is a natural result when we don't have clarity.

Celebrate weekly...and at your 90 Days. Acknowledge when you did something great.

Reviewed the characteristics of the Warrior, Healer, Visionary, and Oracle (personality types).  Reviewed the drivers behind each of these.

Ask:  

• What fulfills you?
• What engages you?
• What excites you?
• Are these limiting beliefs? or doubts?
• Is it serving you?
• Is it fulfilling?

Some can be learned behaviors...adapted vs natural.

When in your strengths, you are untouchable.

Look at the pain connectors.

Allow yourself to experience what will happen if you allow yourself to experience these feelings and answers to these questions.

a lesson in fun from LiveBIG

So I am a workaholic.  Admittedly.

This is a known fact.  One that I am working desperately to change, but seem to continually battle.  How do you get ahead and cut back?  How do you learn more and cut back?  How do you grow a business and cut back?  How do you find balance when you truly love to work?  How do you delegate when it seems nobody does it like you do?  How do you???

Tony, Gerald & Marci made us all have some fun in the midst of our grueling work.  

The first night we did a personality test to put us as a Warrior, Oracle, Visionary or Healer.  We then were moved into the group that we were the strongest in and did a group task about personalities, making a list of all our traits, interacting with other like minded people just like us.  Learning more about who we are, what our characteristics are like.  The good, the bad, the awesome, the not so cool.  We then had a group discussion about it and got to share insights about us with others up front in front of the other personality types.  It truly was fun.  We all learned stuff.

The second night they asked if we had fun and had us make a list of traits and characteristics of what fun brought and what it looked like.  We then were divided into groups and made to do a skit and it had to relate to LiveBIG.  If you know me, this is not my strong point.  I do well with teaching, with math, with fixing problems, but acting out and being a goof ball, ummmmmmm, not so much.  My group sat there unable to come up with ideas.  Our 15 minutes was on the countdown quickly to get our game plan together.  At less than 5 minutes to go, I was like "Peeps, we got to get this in gear!"  I told my buddy, one of the girls in my group, that this was so not my thing and I couldn't wait until it was over.  She said, "I know, but you will do great."  Ugh, she doesn't know how much I hate this kind of thing. I feel so out of my element. I feel so utterly stupid.  Slowly the details started coming and we had our skit.  We were not the first to be "on stage" and so we got to see some of the other groups.  If I remember correctly, there were I think 6 groups.  Each group did a great job at representing some nugget or lesson we all were taught during the LiveBIG event.  Each group had their own way of making that message get conveyed and most of them were hilarious.  By the end of the night, we all were laughing hysterically.  These people truly had fun.  Mocking, mimicking, teasing, laughing, impersonating, reflecting and acting as Tony, Gerald and Marci!!!  It was absolutely amazing to see the skill set people have and the things they can come up with.  Truly hilarious.

The third night we had our graduation ceremony, everyone in a circle, arms connected, deeply appreciating the journey we had been on with each other.  It was an happy emotional party time experience for me.  These friends had been with me for 3 days on my courageous journey.  They had loved me.  They had supported me.  They had encouraged me.  They had admired me.  They had praised me.  They had been with me in my pain.

Every night there was a dance party if you wanted to join with upbeat music that made you happy.  Some people stayed and some people left.  I joined in the first night until my asthma had me coughing until I couldn't stop and it was time to call it a night.  The second night, I was coughing before we ever got started because of laughing so hard during the skits that I just stood and chatted with friends until I felt it was time to take myself to bed tired self to bed.

LiveBIG taught me...no matter how tough life gets, you need to have fun.  No matter how hard something is, you need to laugh.  No matter what you think you can or can't do, you can find a way to have fun.  No matter what you are facing, there is always room for fun.

#LiveBIG my friends

C ~ G ~ L

Courageous  ~  Generous  ~  Loving

These are readers digest books, cut out into letters.  I found them while shopping this weekend with Anna at Anthropologie.  I debated about purchasing them because they were $20 each...and I felt that was pricey (yes, pricey store has pricey things).  

In the end, I decided I needed them and they would be a part of my therapy in working through a new belief system and creating a powerful message about Who I Am.  

I am going to create little reminders in my home, on the mirror in my bathroom, in my office, in my bedroom, in the living room on top of my piano.  Things that help me remember, that I am a Courageous Generous Loving Woman!  I will remind myself so that my soul is encouraged and my heart believes.

What ways are you reinforcing Who YOU Are?

Quotes

It's so important that we find healthy ways to nurture us...otherwise the unhealthy patterns and addictions will take over.

- Gerald Rogers

Valentines Day Wknd

I had plans to have dinner with friends.  They canceled.  I didn't search for new plans. I decided to go with the flow and have an evening at home...

Until I got a text from Kara asking what I was up to.  Roger was working and she wanted Happy Hour at On The Border.  I promised to join her after my session of Acupuncture.

Kara and Me

I then went and got groceries.  Home to sweep and mop the kitchen, living room and hallways to prepare for Anna to arrive.

Red Tulip Flowers and Present for Anna

She finally arrived.  We stayed up late chatting...and exchanged gifts.  She made me something really cool!

We slept in on Saturday Morning.  We visited and then I made us breakfast:  Sweet Potato Hashbrowns, Fried Eggs and Turkey Bacon.

We chatted and shared stories.  We discussed the things we have experienced on our journey.  She wanted to know more of my story and I shared it.  We discussed struggles. We discussed the growth we both have experienced the last year through the things our journey has brought our way.  

We then went to go shopping at one of my favorite stores, Simple Things.  I bought two clocks to bring my clock collection up to match my age, 37 of them now in my collection! 

Anna and Me shopping
{please forgive me...I don't take good selfies}

From there we went to the University Shopping Center and went to Anthropologie, Pottery Barn and White House Black Market.  Then we were starved and we went to Hoffbrau Steakhouse for dinner.  

We enjoyed the Texas sky on the drive home after dinner! These pictures truly don't do it justice...the colors were vivid and amazing!!!

We watched some Winter Olympics at home, Anna cozy on the couch with her throw she purchased from Pottery Barn and me sitting cozy in the club chair in the living room between jumping up and checking my eBay bids and Facebook posts.

Sunday we went to church, the Fort Worth Campus of the place she attends in Oklahoma, and enjoyed some great worship music and message.  The songs today were just beautiful!

We came home and I fixed us some lunch.  Grilled pork chops, brussel sprouts, sauteed mushrooms and asparagus.

The rest of the day we were lazy.  Visiting...sitting around until we made plans to watch the Nicholas Sparks movie called Safe Haven.  We were about 30 minutes into it when one of my LiveBIG Friends called me.  Anna continued watching it by herself and finished it.  Once I was done with my call, I then restarted it where I left off and she watched it again with me.  

Anna went to visit other friends and I did blogging, caught up on some articles online, did my weekly Buddy call, washed dishes and prayed for some friends.

The weekend was lovely.  Anna and I both struggle with feeling good enough and taking care of us (otherwise known as "me").  We made strides at this this weekend with me spoiling her, something that is hard for her to let someone do...and me not working but one hour the entire weekend and taking time to relax!  We both spent money on ourselves, and not necessarily needed or practical stuff, but fun stuff that we wanted.  

It was a great 2014 Valentines Day Weekend!

Safe Haven nuggets

I love Nicholas Sparks movies.  I have only seen 3 of them.   But they are so awesome!  The ones I have seen, truly show the connection that is so important in life between people, what it takes to make relationships work, not just guy and girl relationships, but he sure does a hell of a job at that too!!!

I watched Safe Haven with Anna this weekend.  As you know, I am always looking for nuggets.  Here are the ones I took away from this movie:

I don't want to owe him anything.
You don't want to owe him anything?  It's a bike, not a kidney.

Life is full of second chances.

What's your story?

Fall in love and don't fall out.

Some people just need a little judge...I could tell you weren't gonna get there on your own.

If you run now, you are taking the easy way out.

You have people that care about you.  Stay here and face things.

Hope ~ That's what it feels like to be young and in love...whole again.

another lesson to trust my gut

In my journey the last few weeks, I am digging in deep into my core beliefs.  I am looking hard at triggers to find the reasons behind them.  I am serious about growing me.  I am facing fears that I have covered up with a shell of bravery.  I am sharing my story.

As one of my friends has said about me, Misty, you don't do anything in small fashion and I don't see you doing this in that way either.  She is right.  

I am sure balance will come, but for now, the experiences are flooding me daily as I move to address some challenges in life.

I will share an experience I had this week with you.

As I work with my clients, many times I engage with their vendors and suppliers.  I negotiate contracts, I have strategic meetings, I gather information, and am the mediator on issues.  As I do this, I have developed some really cool relationships.  Some relationships are harder than others to develop and some don't last.  Either way, it is always my goal to create an experience that leaves them with more than they ever dreamed possible from working with me.

This weeks experience involved an insurance agent for one of my clients.  He comes across arrogant, can be sarcastic and demeaning.  I have never given him credit for these actions or played into them. I have been me.  Firm, fair, consistent.  Honest.  Factual.  Persistent in my needs and keeping to what I say does or doesn't work for my client.   You won't push me around.  I might be a girl, but I am strong.

In doing this, I have earned his respect.

Well at Christmas, he came to the office and brought ginger snap cookies.  I hardly ever eat sugar, but these flat little cookies from World Market are delicious!  He didn't know they were one of my favorites, but they are.

When he left, the girls in the office said that they thought he was sweet on me.  In the 12 years the previous Practice Administrator worked for the clinic, he never brought goodies they said.  This is the first time in the 3 Christmas Seasons I have worked with this client that he brought something.  I said, I am sure he just appreciates the work I do and is thankful for the client.  They said, "No Misty, don't be blind.  He is sweet on you."

After seeing me that day, he wrote me an email:  
Let me know how your schedule looks after Christmas so I can take you to lunch.  Have a very Merry Christmas!  BTW, you looked “Mahvalous” today.  You may be too young to know that saying, but thought it fitting to say………

That was difficult for me.  To have a guy notice.  To have one say that I was beautiful.  What am I to do with a 60 year old man showing me interest?  I  responded and let him know that I am older than I look but that I understood that word.  I let him know I was busy with year end stuff and conferences the next few weeks.  I did nothing to set an appointment.

This week, he showed up for no reason at the office, other than he was in the area coaching a soccer game, and came by to say hi.  I was annoyed but tried to keep conversation normal.  Why did I have to deal with this?  He said that I could come watch him in his shorts if I wanted.  

Wow.  No hinting around now!  I felt sick.  Really sick.  How was I to be professional and give him a response?  I told him that I was working and I hoped he had a great game.

As he went to leave, he noticed my left hand and the ring.  This is when my heart soared and I silently sang praises to my God!!!  Yes!!!!!!! This is why I wear this.  This is why I am married to my God.  This is why.  Because of guys like you.  This is why I struggle at wanting any guy in my life is because of guys like you.  I thought he was going to ask me for a hug or just take one, but he only put his hand on my left upper arm and squeezed it tight.  I cringed.

How do you be polite yet set boundaries?  How do you tell someone you are feeling uncomfortable with their advances and not make them feel you are stating something flat out in the open, when in all likelihood they are acting like they are just hinting around and  being playful, and yet if you called them flat out on it they would accuse you of reading into things and that they were just being nice?

Yah right.

Friday, I got a text from a number not in my phone:  "Happy Valentine's Day!  Don't know if u have a valentine but here's wishing u a good day, anyway!"

Fishing.  That's what he was doing.  I froze.  I was angry. I was frustrated. How dare you be so bold!

Hours later, I responded:  "Thanks! Have fun taking your wife out or whatever you do.  Didn't have this number in my phone. :)  you must have 2 cell phones?  LOL  I updated your contact so I have both. Enjoy your day!"

He responded that he would be taking his wife out on Saturday night. That's how it is after 35 years of marriage!

Ugh.  I was right.  He is married.  If it wasn't bad enough already, that makes it even worse!

When I answered the door today and had a local company delivering a fruit basket to me, my first thought was that I was getting a gift from my new admirer.  I didn't want this.  I truly didn't.

Thankfully, it was from a client, one that I have worked a bunch of hours on and they wanted me to know I was very much appreciated.

Whew!!!

I have decided to show up and face my fears.  I have decided to work on me. I have decided to face my struggles and look at my triggers.  Because I am owning them, life is sending me some really hard stuff.   Because I am not holding back, they are coming at me full force.  These things are only making working through my junk hard, really hard.  I truly know and believe that God is bringing this stuff into my life to help me grow.  For me to figure out the lies and what is truth.  This is all how the growth is going to happen.  This is the only way I am going to plant new seeds.

It's time for me to believe I am beautiful.  It is time for me to be able to accept being hit on and being told I am a special lady.  But yet not be afraid to have my boundaries.  To listen to my gut and be okay with being sick to my stomach by a married man hitting on me.  It is okay for me to not want this kind of attention.  It is okay for me to want to run.  It is truly okay.  

I share this because I am sharing with you my struggles with my guy concepts.  I am going to work through them if it kills me.  I am learning lessons, some hard lessons.  I am grateful for all those in my life who help me work through my junk, particularly my Buddy and LiveBIG girlfriends!  

Don't be afraid to work through yours.  Yours will look different than mine, but its junk that has got to be sorted through and when you can, just throw it out.  Don't recycle it.

Thank You Fruit Basket from a Client

Awwwhhhhh!!! A thank you gift from a client for all my hard work.

yummmy...

I Am Poem

I Am
by Misty W Gilbert

I am a Courageous, Generous, Loving woman.
I am created in God's image.
I am the Princess of The King.
I am a Daughter of Light.
I am a Friend of God.

I am made Pure as Gold.
I am White as Snow.
I am Bright as the Blue Sky above.
I am Clear as the Caribbean Sea.
I am Priceless like Diamonds.

I am Loved Beyond Measure.
I am Forgiven Much.
I am Redeemed to the Core.
I am Restored and Made New.
I am Worthy.

I am Treasured.
I am Chosen to be with God.
I am Bought with a Price.
I am Connected to the Most High.
I am Made to be Great.

I am Alive.
I am Passionate.
I am Full of Love.
I am Destined to do Great Things.
I am going to Be who I was created to be.